Leslie Johnston [00:00:00]:
Hey everybody, welcome back to Am I Doing This Right?
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:04]:
Woo!
Leslie Johnston [00:00:04]:
Screwing the cap back on on my new favorite drink. This is my new hyperfixation drink.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:09]:
Do you feel like— I wish this was after you drink that.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:13]:
Like, I feel totally the same. Oh, what do you mean?
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:16]:
Like, I guess I mean like, do you feel a huge difference when you eat more protein?
Leslie Johnston [00:00:21]:
Um, well, it's been about 3 days since I've been—
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:24]:
you're like, I'm feeling— taking more.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:25]:
So I actually feel fine.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:27]:
That's great.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:27]:
Um, I mean, I feel like I have better energy. And this is like a little almond milk protein shake. And yeah, Premier Protein, 20 grams of protein.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:37]:
Does it taste good?
Leslie Johnston [00:00:37]:
It tastes legit just like chocolate milk. Ooh, I love that. Like a Dutch Bros chocolate milk. Ooh, that is the best.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:44]:
Maybe I need to drink that.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:45]:
You need to drink it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:46]:
It's so good. I need protein.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:47]:
You need protein.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:48]:
I'm a protein eater. All I do is eat nothing but not protein.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:53]:
You should drink these. Honestly, so good, so good. It would be your good source of protein.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:58]:
Premier Protein almond milk. Where do you get them from? Any grocery store?
Leslie Johnston [00:01:02]:
Um, Target or Costco has them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:03]:
Oh great, I like that.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:05]:
Okay, so our unpopular opinion today, we put it on our story and we had a couple people respond, actually a few, a few different ones.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:14]:
Oh nice.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:14]:
Here's some unpopular opinion. I'm gonna give them kind of rapid fire and I want to see what you think and I guess what I think. Um, this one said—
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:24]:
oh my gosh, I'm excited.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:26]:
I haven't read these yet. Squirrels are rats with fluffy tails and we shouldn't think they're cute. Stop normalizing it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:35]:
Oh my gosh, that is awesome.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:38]:
I'm dead. Like, squirrels are just rats with fluffy tails. I can like see her typing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:43]:
They kind of like—
Leslie Johnston [00:01:44]:
stop normalizing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:45]:
They kind of are.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:46]:
I just want her to know I'm not, I'm not normalizing it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:49]:
No, don't be upset. I like never talk about squirrels.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:52]:
Yeah, wait, I think they're cute.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:54]:
Wait, so, so like think about it though, if you took the, this, the tail off the squirrel, is it a rat? It kind of is, right?
Leslie Johnston [00:02:00]:
It is, it's totally a rat.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:02]:
But she hates them.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:03]:
She clearly—
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:04]:
or he—
Leslie Johnston [00:02:05]:
she, she hates them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:06]:
I want to know who all these are from.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:08]:
I know. So, okay, that's actually so true.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:11]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:12]:
And I will say there is a squirrel that taunts Ryder in my backyard, and he will— it's like they're Squirrels are getting like buffer for some reason. Do you see?
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:19]:
You're taking Premier Protein.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:20]:
I feel like they're like, literally their arms are big. They're like turning into like kangaroos almost.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:26]:
Oh my gosh.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:26]:
Like, you know, they kind of have like the big arms.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:28]:
They kind of look like kangaroos too.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:30]:
Yeah, yeah. Rat kangaroos.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:31]:
Wow.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:32]:
But he sits on the fence and he, he does this, he like claps. Like he'll stand on the fence and like clap and Ryder's just staring at him and I'm afraid this big rat is going to attack him.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:43]:
He stands on the fence and claps.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:45]:
That's so funny.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:45]:
That's hilarious.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:46]:
Okay. Um, this person says Costco needs to put an end to samples. Super gross and cause unnecessary aisle traffic.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:56]:
What? I could not disagree more. Who, who, who doesn't want a sample while you're shopping?
Leslie Johnston [00:03:05]:
That is so funny.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:07]:
I've never heard somebody say I want less free samples of stuff.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:13]:
I would agree about the traffic, maybe.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:15]:
I don't have a Costco membership, so I don't actually know what the traffic is like.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:18]:
I, I mean, I don't— I feel like it does cause a little bit of a holdup sometimes, and you're like trying to get around.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:24]:
Okay.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:24]:
But I do feel like the person wears gloves, so it's a little— it's not super unsanitary to me, I guess.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:29]:
You don't worry about germs, you're just like—
Leslie Johnston [00:03:31]:
no, I feel like they've got a mask on. And yeah, but yeah, I guess people are walking up and grabbing them, but I'm also not like a—
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:37]:
is this person— is their occupation like a city planner or something? Like, they just— is efficiency their, their game? That's crazy.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:44]:
No, they do work at Bayside though.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:46]:
Oh really?
Leslie Johnston [00:03:47]:
Yeah, they do.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:47]:
I completely disagree with that opinion.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:49]:
But, um, this person said, I hate Halloween, it's just a hurdle to get to Christmas. I like the way people wrote these.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:56]:
I like the way they said hurdle and not like it's a spiritual abomination.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:01]:
No, they just hate all it because it's just a hurdle to get to Christmas.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:04]:
They're like, we are wasting time, let's— I disagree.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:06]:
I think Halloween gives you a good bump.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:09]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:10]:
Before the season. Cuz then you're just like, gosh, is it almost Christmas?
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:14]:
I love every holiday before Christmas because I don't want Christmas to be done that quickly. So I love the buildup towards Christmas. Yes. I hate the after Christmas feel.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:23]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:24]:
So it actually, I like the fact that there's holidays that lead up to it cuz it gets you in the holiday spirit without like making Christmas go too fast.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:31]:
I like that. Um, I also, well, if they think Halloween's a hurdle, then Thanksgiving's a speed.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:37]:
They must hate it.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:39]:
It's right before. Okay, here's another one. Licking your fingers after eating chips should not be okay. And a guy wrote this one.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:49]:
I kind of agree with that.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:51]:
It is gross when I think about it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:53]:
Gross. It's gross.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:54]:
I do it, but it's gross.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:55]:
I don't do it because I'm not worried about licking my fingers. I don't like the, like, the liquid that is— like, licking your fingers is not a way to clean your fingers.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:07]:
No.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:07]:
So then it's like you got Cheez-It dust or Cheeto dust with the saliva.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:11]:
What do you, what do you do with them?
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:12]:
I wash my hands.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:13]:
But if you don't have like a sink, what would you do?
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:15]:
I would never eat.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:16]:
Would you wipe them on your pants before you wipe, before you lick your fingers?
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:21]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:22]:
That's crazy. You want Cheeto dust all over your pants?
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:24]:
Maybe I wouldn't. I haven't thought about it. I got— I agree with that.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:29]:
It's like I do it, but I agree, and I'm not gonna stop.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:32]:
So, okay, I do it, I agree, but I will never stop.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:36]:
Um, this girl says I'm specifying it's a girl. She says girls take too long in the restroom. Like, what are you doing?
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:45]:
Do you feel like that's true? Um, I mean, obviously it's longer than a guy because a guy has literally zero to do besides— like, last night I went to the bathroom after a guy did, and there was no toilet paper in there, and it affected his experience like in no way.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:03]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:03]:
Which is, which still makes no sense to me cuz they don't have to wipe.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:06]:
Yeah. But I'm still confused. Like, I feel like you still, I feel like you still need toilet paper. Like, I know we're not gonna go to anatomy conversation, but to me I'm like, it's gross.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:18]:
I know.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:18]:
You, you can't tell me that you don't need at least a little bit of toilet paper.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:21]:
Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. I have no experience in that department other than the fact that I just had a boy that I changed his diapers and oh yeah. It actually— they don't really need it.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:31]:
They don't?
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:32]:
No.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:32]:
That's crazy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:33]:
I know, I know, it is crazy. But it's like, yeah, so it's a faster process for them. They have way less things to do. They probably don't wash their hands either, if you think about it, because they're not really even touching. Well, actually, I don't know. I don't know. Again, nobody knows. It's a mystery.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:49]:
I don't know. But apparently girls are taking too long in the restroom.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:51]:
Okay, girls, speed it up, speed it up, speed it up. Yeah. Maybe, you know, sometimes during a really busy work day, you go to the bathroom and you sit down on your phone and you're like, this is the first time I've sat down all day, right? Like, maybe that's kind of what it is.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:05]:
Yeah, that could be it. In which case, phones—
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:07]:
make sure that when you do that, you're in like a multiple stall bathroom then.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:11]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:11]:
Don't go to a one-holer.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:13]:
Yep.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:13]:
And scroll through Instagram, you know what I'm saying?
Leslie Johnston [00:07:16]:
Yes. And also, if you're— if you come into a restroom with multiple stalls and one girl is already in there by herself, and you go to the restroom, you need to be quick because she— I feel like she's in there and you— it's like you guys have a stand because, you know, it's like you don't want to come out of the bathroom at the same time as someone else for some reason.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:34]:
Yes. And so it's like she's already staked her claim for the territory, is what you're saying.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:40]:
If they're holding down the fort, you need to—
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:41]:
you need to get out. Yeah, get in, get out, leave before she comes out.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:45]:
Maybe they have a situation and then they're feeling uncomfortable because they're in there for longer and they already know that you have surpassed them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:53]:
Yes. Have you ever— wait, have you waited before coming out?
Leslie Johnston [00:07:57]:
Before I have, yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:58]:
Yeah, no, 100%. I'll sit there and be like, like, often I'm just like, I'm not coming out. And but then I also think that sometimes they get it in their head, they're like, well, I don't want them to know who I am because I just took a long time too. Then you're both just sitting in there and no one's coming out.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:09]:
Standoff. Gosh. Oh, that's so funny.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:12]:
Crazy.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:12]:
All right, those are all the unpopular opinions for for today.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:15]:
Those are really well written, and I feel like we need to do that more often.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:17]:
I need people to DM us their unpopular opinions more because that is so funny.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:22]:
Stop trying to normalize squirrels. So funny.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:25]:
Oh my gosh.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:27]:
Um, okay, let me see.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:30]:
All right, we are on our third week, relationships and Valentine's vibes. Relationships, Valentine, Valentine, Valentinian vibes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:42]:
And we're doing questions that you've asked us. So I'll kick us off with this one.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:46]:
Great.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:47]:
Um, places to meet people and places to stay away from meeting people. Love it. What would you say couple like stay away from? Yeah, let's start with the stay away froms.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:04]:
Um, guys at the gym.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:06]:
I completely agree. Why do I think that though?
Leslie Johnston [00:09:11]:
So now maybe not fully, but for the sake of the podcast, I'll be more extreme.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:17]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:17]:
I feel like half the time you don't know if the guy's married. A lot of affairs I hear about happen from people at the gym because they go there every day. Yeah. They typically go at the same time. So people start meeting each other, whatever. And then you never know. First of all, they could be married.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:34]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:34]:
Second of all, they could have a girlfriend.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:37]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:37]:
And you don't know about them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:38]:
Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:38]:
Because for some reason it's like when people enter the gym, everything else doesn't exist anymore. Yes, like it's just that—
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:44]:
the gym is a new world.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:45]:
The gym is a new world where you're like a totally different person. Yes, not totally, but yeah, I would say the gym, not a great place.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:52]:
This is an unpopular opinion, it might offend some people. Mhm. I think if someone says that fitness is like one of their big either things they're looking for or like a pillar of their personality type, I think that is a huge red flag, and you sh— like, that should not be something that you go for. To me, I feel like, okay, so obviously biblically I know that we're meant to like protect our bodies, and our bodies are a vessel, and we need to steward it well. And I'm not against fitness, like, I want everyone to be healthy and feel good.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:28]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:29]:
But for some reason, I feel like people that like make physical fitness a big part of their like personality, and also when they list it at the very top of what they're looking for in a person.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:39]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:40]:
I feel like they're doing fitness for reasons that maybe are not health and wellness. They're doing it— maybe this is not— I'm not— I don't want to fully assume, but maybe they're doing it more like superficially, like from the outside. They want a fit girl appearance and perspective. And the problem with that is that fitness is not necessarily a lifetime thing. Yeah. Attribute of yourself. Right. So if that's something that your relationship is like grounded upon, is like we both are really into physical fitness.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:13]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:13]:
Then my only concern and fear is like, well, what happens when that fades? Because it will. Yeah. Whether it fades because of age or it fades because you have some kind of a major life event where you can't do it the same way anymore. I don't know. I just feel like the gym. Has gym-specific people. And it's okay if you both go to the gym together. I'm just saying, like, don't let the gym be like the catalyst for your— I don't, I just don't, I don't think it, I don't think it's good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:37]:
Yeah, that's just me though.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:38]:
Here's the, here's the caveat I, I have for that. I think if people— yes, if you are listing like fitness as your like number one thing you're looking for in a girl, that is a red flag to me because it goes, okay, fitness, And then you're saying you want them to be fit. Well, someday they're gonna get pregnant or they're gonna, you know, not be able to always be fit and have a six-pack.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:00]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:01]:
So then if that's your number one thing, then how do they stay number one?
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:05]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:05]:
If they don't have that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:06]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:06]:
Now I will say the caveat— is it caveat? Yeah, caveat. The caveat to that is I think if people— there are different types of people who go like, okay, I like to be active. I like to go hiking. I like to be outdoors. I like to totally live a healthy lifestyle, to me that is a good thing to look for, especially if you're that type of person.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:28]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:29]:
Yes. If you are like a, I like to go on Saturdays and we're going hiking, I'm going skiing, I'm up and like out and about, I'm taking walks, I'm doing all this stuff, I'm going to the gym. And that's like the lifestyle you wanna lead. It would be hard to be with somebody who's like, I just wanna stay at home. Yes. Or I don't wanna do anything active.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:45]:
I think that's why the gym bothers me though, because it's like the active part is like the adventure, outdoorsy, hiking. Like that stuff is all experiential and it's fun.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:55]:
Uh-huh.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:56]:
The gym is like an indoor building with some mirrors.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:58]:
Yes. To me it's like they have to love the gym.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:59]:
It's like, which to me it's like the gym is, this is again, gosh, I, this is so controversial. I'm like, if you wanna be a fit person who is active and experiences the world, I love to hike. Go, go hike, go ski, go mountain climb. Like go be outdoors and do like, when you're, when you're doing physical fitness solely through the gym, it feels like you're doing it to like bodybuild and like work on the image.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:27]:
Like, yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:27]:
Now again, I understand that the gym is a good, like, I'm not talking about people who go to the gym, like go to the gym, right? Like I've had gym memberships before too. I, I like the gym.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:37]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:37]:
I'm just saying when you're like, the gym is my life.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:40]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:40]:
And that's where I met my significant other, that just feels Yeah, I don't like it. I don't know.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:44]:
Now here's, here, here's what I do like about of somebody who goes to the gym.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:50]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:51]:
To me, I like that it shows me they have discipline.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:54]:
Yes, discipline.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:54]:
And that they care about— like, they care enough about them, their bodies.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:02]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:02]:
Now the bodybuilder, that's a whole different— yeah, animal. That actually would not even be attractive to me. But somebody who's like, oh, I'm going to the gym, I'm— have a discipline, I can I can stick with discipline and I can stick with what's good for me even when I don't want to do it. To me, that's a quality in somebody I think is worth admiring.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:19]:
I agree with that.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:19]:
So, but yeah, if you're like, I'm going to the gym because I just want to like have a chiseled body and I'm— that's what I'm looking for in somebody else, then yeah, yeah, pass. Gosh, that's so funny.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:30]:
Um, other places you shouldn't meet people. This is kind of a blanket statement, but it's not impossible to meet a Christian at a bar. Mm-hmm. Because there are Christians that go to bars.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:42]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:42]:
But I would say like general good practice is if there are places that are known for like not great habits. Yes. Or like kind of for, for becoming a breeding ground for sin issues.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:53]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:53]:
That might not be your best shot of meeting the kind of person that you want to meet.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:57]:
Uh-huh.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:57]:
So I would say like going to places where you could meet somebody who is practicing good habits. Like the gym, I guess. So I'm going back on myself. That's probably a better, a better option than a bar or even like we, I was talking to somebody yesterday, they met line dancing and it's like, that's really fun too. Yeah. But I would say like as a rule, that might not, you might not find the kind of people, it is probably harder to find the kind of person you're looking for.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:25]:
Agreed.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:25]:
In environments that are, that promote, yes. You know, not great things, I guess. Yes. Not that line dancing is bad, but like excessive drinking, I would say.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:33]:
Yeah, it reminds me of like fishing. Like, yeah, if you, if you want to get a really good catch— I'm not a fisherman, so it sounds like you are. So it feels like if you want a good catch, it's not that you can't probably catch a good fish in like a muddy kind of like gross pond, but to me, like, odds are you're gonna catch something that's not great.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:56]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:57]:
But if you go to a pond where you're like, hey, Most of the fish out here are really great. Yeah, good fish. Yeah. Again, my lack of fish knowledge is—
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:05]:
sound like a professional fisherman.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:06]:
It's like if you go out like to the ocean and then you're like, you know, casting out and you want like a really high quality good fish, you're probably going to catch one way easier there.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:16]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:16]:
Than in a— and then in a gross pond.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:18]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:18]:
Like you'll— you might catch more in the gross pond.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:21]:
Totally.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:21]:
But odds are it's not a great fish.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:23]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:24]:
So that to me is My—
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:27]:
that's a great—
Leslie Johnston [00:16:27]:
I think our bars.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:27]:
So obviously everyone says like go to church and meet people, but more specifically I would say join— if you're a young adult, join a young adults group. If you're an older single, join a, you know, like co-ed small group. Like places where you would, you would get in the, you would get in the, the mindset and the atmosphere to meet people. Um, and I would also say this is kind of just a, just a aside thing too, is like, I love the setup concept because someone you know and love knows and loves you and knows what you like and could recommend someone for you too. That's good. So, um, yeah, I feel like friends of friends, always a great way to meet people. And then churches.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:10]:
Oh yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:10]:
I mean, it's, it, and that, that's the hard part about like meeting somebody in like a grocery store or at a gas station or whatever, a restaurant. Is like, you, if you're a Christian, you know that that's kind of your foundational first step to decide if you want to pursue something with them or not.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:27]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:28]:
So it's hard to know that, you know, in these public spaces, it's just kind of a bold conversation you're gonna have to have close to the beginning, I guess. And we also don't really live in a world anymore where people are just walking up to each other and asking them out.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:40]:
Would you like to? Yes. Would you like to start dating?
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:41]:
Which sucks. I think that's really cool.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:42]:
Yeah. Yeah. You know what's funny is I'm, I was literally just thinking, I'm like, I have met every single person I've dated through a friend.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:49]:
Really?
Leslie Johnston [00:17:50]:
And not on a blind date.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:51]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:52]:
But to me, I think maybe our mindset is wrong. Like, I think now you can meet people at the gym, at a bar, at church, whatever.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:02]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:03]:
But to me it's like every guy that I've dated, I have met because I was friends with somebody who knew them. Yes. And it wasn't even a blind date. Yeah. It was just like I was working on my friendships. Yep. And then it was like, they're friends with this guy. And then I'm like, oh my gosh, I really like this guy.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:20]:
And so to me, I'm like, maybe sometimes people, it's like they go, okay, I don't need no more friendships. I just wanna find a relationship.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:27]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:27]:
And so I wonder if like you reached out more with people, not with bad intentions and good intentions of developing friendships.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:34]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:34]:
Because those are good. But then you start meeting their friends when you have friends, and then those friends can set you up with people, or you just meet and you just kind of vibe and it works. Yeah. So to me it's like, work on building your friendships with people.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:49]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:49]:
Whether you join a small group, come to church. Yeah. Whatever, at your school. Yeah. Um, and then maybe you'll meet someone that way.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:55]:
I mean, that's how I got connected with Benji because we were— you, you had started dating Michael.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:00]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:00]:
And we were all kind of hanging out together and we worked with Benji, but we didn't know we worked for— I didn't know I worked for Benji cuz he was in a totally different apartment. And Michael was the one that was like, have you ever met Benji? And I hadn't. And he was like, I think it could be really good or it could be really bad either, either way. And that was kind of what sparked that, you know, somebody else who knew you just recommending something. So, yes, I think that's a great idea. Focus on your friendships and then tell them that you're open to meeting people and then see what happens.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:30]:
Um, okay. Next question. Being ghosted, why does it happen? Gosh, this reminds me of the movie He's Just Not That Into You.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:40]:
It does. I mean, the short answer is that it's easier. Why does it happen? It's an easier thing to do.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:47]:
It's an easier out.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:48]:
Yeah, it's way easier than having a conversation with someone.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:51]:
Yes. Here's the, the honest hard truth, and then we'll get to the softer truths. The hard truth is if he ghosted you He just doesn't think it is gonna work between you two.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:07]:
So what is there to say besides that, you know what I'm saying?
Leslie Johnston [00:20:11]:
Yeah, like if he's— if he ghosted you, or if she ghosted you, they don't want to be with you, right? Which is a really hard truth, but it's kind of—
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:18]:
and no one wants to tell you that.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:19]:
Now here, no one wants to tell you that. Now here's the second layer though, because to me I'm like, people for the most part, if like you guys were really vibing and you're like, wait, this is so weird, why did they ghost me? There are a million reasons why someone could ghost you and has nothing to do with you. Like, they might have been talking with somebody else even before you, and maybe it was like they kind of had to make a decision. It worked out with this person. Or I know sometimes the cop-out can be like, certain people are like, oh, I'm just not ready to date, or I'm just not in a place I want to date somebody. But that could actually be legit and real.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:53]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:54]:
So to me, it's like, I think it's really hard when that stuff happens, and it's hard to not get down on yourself. But to me, something that, like, I remember when I had gotten broken up with— so I wasn't ghosted, but I was broken up with— and I remember being so sad and so confused. And I feel like I went internal and was like, well, something's wrong with me, like, that they don't want to be with me, so that makes me less of a person and them more of a person because they chose not to be with me instead of the other way around. And I remember talking with Christy and that person at the time was not strong in their relationship with God. Like they were not, they weren't like living a lifestyle that was like great. Yeah. So it was actually encouraging for her to go like, okay, well you are in a really good spot with your relationship with God. I feel like you're living this life that's very different from theirs right now.
Leslie Johnston [00:21:49]:
So you should take that as a compliment that your lifestyle you're living, they're like, oh, I don't wanna be like, I actually don't want any part of that. But why would they?
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:56]:
Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:21:57]:
Like, why would they like you? Right. When, yeah, that's not at all how they're wanting to live their lives. And that's a good thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:03]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:04]:
So some of it is like going, okay, this doesn't always have to be hurtful and say something about you. Yeah. It could totally be that like their situation of what they're going through or doing, and God ultimately has very unique and specific plans for everybody, so sometimes it's the hard truth of going, well, you know what? Like God might have somebody for them and that doesn't mean that person he has for them is better than you. Mm-hmm. It's just that God has a whole unique plan for their life that's gonna have ups and downs and hard things and good things.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:40]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:40]:
And he has the same thing for your life. It's just that those were not supposed to be crossed.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:44]:
Yes. Yeah. I, I think that is the perfect way to put it. The, the, again, I've been ghosted before too, and it sucks. It doesn't feel good. It hurts really bad.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:55]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:55]:
And for whatever reason, after we get ghosted, it like almost makes us wanna press in more and be like, what happened? What was it? You know, you wanna go in, you wanna go internal.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:04]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:04]:
It makes you want to chase them down and have them make you give them, make them give you an answer. And the part that like sucks to hear, but I wish I would've told my younger self this, is like, if they ghosted you, That's kind of all the closure that you need to move on. Like, yeah, they ghosted you because it did not work. God has something better. So like getting hung up on the ghosting part, yeah, it's hurtful and it sucks, but it's also like, this is— I remember getting ghosted by somebody, um, right before I met Benji, and it was like the, the worst ghosting because everything seemed like it went really, really well. And I was like, I don't understand what happened. Like, what was What was wrong? And then like, you know, months later I met Benji and it's like, oh, okay, that's— that, that could be the only reason why that happened. And that's fine for sure.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:52]:
So what sucks is that you think in your head when you get ghosted, well, now I don't have any closure because it was left open-ended because there was no communication. No, that is closure.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:01]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:02]:
Because it just didn't happen.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:03]:
Yeah. Don't chase them down and make them give you an explanation. I know some people are like, well, I have nothing to lose. And I'm like, yeah, your dignity.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:11]:
Like, speaking as someone who traded their dignity in a few times best guess to find out what happened. It's not worth it.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:18]:
And I think sometimes too, the hard part of like growing up and being an adult in relationships is it is a hard truth. Like in high school, in your mind, I think it's because like all of our friends like back each other up on this in high school. But high school and college, I feel like you go, well, if that guy doesn't want to be with you, he's terrible. Like they're a horrible person and you wouldn't want— and it's like I think the hard part is like the older you get, the more you're like, that person actually— it doesn't make them a terrible person, and it doesn't make them like a bad person if you don't get to be with them, right? It's just that they can be a good person, but it just doesn't work with the two of you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:58]:
Totally.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:58]:
And that's a totally fine and normal thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:01]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:02]:
Crazy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:02]:
How to approach a relationship with someone who grew up as a follower as someone who is saved later in life. So it sounds like this person got saved later in life, so they had like a maybe a much different upbringing than a Christian upbringing, but now they're with somebody who grew up as a follower of Jesus and they've got two different pasts, and it sounds like that's causing some maybe some complications.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:28]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:30]:
Um, what would you say?
Leslie Johnston [00:25:32]:
I feel like we should bring somebody on for an episode like this who has who is in that scenario.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:37]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:38]:
And try to, um, have some good conversations about this because Mark and Aaron would be great for that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:43]:
Because when they met, Aaron was a Christian.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:45]:
Aaron grew up a Christian and Mark wasn't, or he was a Christian but he hadn't been for a long time.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:50]:
Yeah, that would be good.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:51]:
That would be really good. But I feel like from what I have seen, or at least how I first think about this question, is like, obviously I grew up in a Christian home. And so to me, I would be on that other side of it. But when I think of like even some of our friends who haven't grown up as a Christian, I feel like in my mind, if you're the Christian in this scenario, because that's the only thing I can speak to, is like I actually look at some of our friends who didn't grow up as Christians and I'm so impressed because I'm like, first of all, the fact that you were saved later in life and you kind of knew all the things that the world had to offer and probably experienced a lot of those things, for you to then like choose to enter into a relationship with Jesus shows me that you have so much strength and so much, um, just like, like I just sometimes think like if I didn't grow up in this, and I were now— would I have chosen it?
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:57]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:57]:
Or would I have left like the other ways that I had lived? Or would I have believed it? Would I have whatever? So to me, the fact that they like weren't handed it when they were little like I was, attractive, born into it basically. Yeah. It was like, oh, that's such a cool thing that they have chosen to do this. That takes a lot of strength. And also to go like have grace for that person of like mistakes they might have made or things I mean, to be honest, I would almost think it's easier to deal with your past knowing you weren't a Christian.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:31]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:31]:
And you didn't like know better than me thinking of my past because I always knew I shouldn't be doing things that I like. I'm like, at least you didn't know. Like I did those things knowing, like, right. And that feels worse. Yeah. Than you not knowing and doing those things.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:49]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:49]:
So, Yeah. I think people can get down on themselves when they're like, oh, I didn't grow up a Christian. Like my past is just messy. And I'm like, it's sometimes even, I'm not saying it's not messy, but I just think as a Christian, sinning, knowing you're sinning, it feels really, really like a new level of messy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:05]:
Yes. But yeah, I don't know. One, one advice would that I think would be helpful is if you are the person that got saved later and you're with somebody who's been a Christian for a longer time and the thing that you're battling is like maturity. Mm-hmm. Um, cuz you don't want to— it sucks to feel like they're on a level that you're not on. One of the things that would probably be helpful is if you went and got a mentor that could help you grow and challenge you and take a look at your life and then help you kind of reorient your life. That would take out the component of your relationship in which the more mature one feels the need to correct you all the time. Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:43]:
Cuz that can feel sucky when there's like one person who's ahead of the other one, and then they feel like they have to kind of like parent you or correct you all the time. Like, that's not a great foundation for a relationship.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:53]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:53]:
So if you feel like you're behind, then go get a mentor and then, and let them be the one to help you grow in your relationship with God versus having to have your significant other try to help you grow. That's one thought. The second thing I would say is whether you come from two different backgrounds like one was a Christian, one was not a Christian, or maybe you come from like two different backgrounds where you both grew up in Christian homes, but two very different kinds of Christian homes. It's very easy to become resentful over the way that someone was brought up just because it was different than you.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:30]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:30]:
And so I think that there's like a moment within relationships where you have to decide that the way that someone is different from you. Is actually a great thing and something to be appreciated rather than something to reject, right? Like Benji and I grew up in really different homes, both Christian homes, but really different homes. Yeah. And when you start to appreciate the way that someone was brought up, then you realize like there's great things from how you grew up. There's great things from how I grew up. Let's merge them together and create like a, an awesome full experience using both of those things. Yeah. And to be honest, even if someone did not grow up grow up in a Christian home, that does not mean that they don't have great things from their childhood or from the ways they experience the world that you shouldn't try to make a part of your lives in the future.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:17]:
Right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:18]:
Yeah. So like figure out what the great things about their upbringing I like was or were and incorporate those things.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:26]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:26]:
Um, cuz yeah, like their past shouldn't be resented just because it was different than yours. So good. It should be appreciated. And I just think that that's really helpful.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:37]:
But, well, I also think of like the relationships where maybe the guy didn't grow up a Christian and the girl did. Mm-hmm. And how some of that might be just like hard for people to think about when they want the guy to lead spiritually. Right. And, but then I was thinking about it and I was like looking, or I was like thinking about all the people in the Bible that we have huge respect for. Yeah. Like Paul and. All of these people that I'm like, oh, they met Jesus later in life.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:07]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:07]:
Like they lived a life that was like totally different and then they were saved. Yeah. And they're the peop— like the heroes of the faith. Yeah. So to me it's like, just because someone has more years of being a Christian on you than, than you do, it doesn't mean that you can't lead.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:24]:
No.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:24]:
And to me it's like, if the Holy Spirit's inside you, it's the same Holy Spirit that's inside them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:28]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:29]:
So it doesn't mean like, oh, well, because I have 20+ years of being a Christian doesn't— I mean, there's definitely like things you might know and mature. And if you're a guy, to let that girl teach you some of those things, like those are good things to learn. But for the girl also not to feel like, oh, I can't be led because I've been a Christian longer. Like that's so not true.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:50]:
No, maturity has nothing to do with longevity. Yeah. It has everything to do with how God is growing you.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:56]:
Exactly.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:56]:
I love that. There's a few other ones that were submitted, um, that we can go rapid fire on. Um, becoming, uh, became a Christian after marriage, husband apathetic about faith in God, advice. So this means you're already married and you became a Christian afterwards, but the husband didn't become a Christian afterwards, which is so hard and common. You're not alone in that. Like, I know so many stories.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:24]:
Yep.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:25]:
Where that was the story.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:26]:
Yep.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:27]:
Um, I would say, yeah. Okay.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:31]:
It's, it's actually not that cheesy of a Christian. Some Christian movies you're like, oh my gosh. But honestly, I love the movie War Room because Priscilla Shrier is so incredible and she talks about praying for her husband who was apathetic in his faith.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:44]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:44]:
And, um, and it is so, so good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:48]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:49]:
And so to me it's like, first of all, the power of prayer. I know it can feel like sometimes you pray for something and it just feels like it's never coming to fruition. Yeah. But to me I'm like, there is power in prayer. So don't stop praying for that person.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:04]:
Mm-hmm.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:04]:
And don't stop believing that God can do something.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:08]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:08]:
But also I've seen couples who, like, it hasn't always been them. That leads that person to being excited about their faith?
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:19]:
I think it's most often not.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:20]:
It's, yeah, usually not.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:22]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:22]:
And to me it's like showing that person that you love them unconditionally. Yeah. That you, you don't look down on them. I don't think, especially guys, cuz this is a guy in this case that, that's the husband, is like, I don't think any guy responds well to a wife who looks down on them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:40]:
No.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:41]:
I don't think that inspires them to like become better. Better.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:44]:
No, it doesn't.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:45]:
And so to me it's like, How can you like love and serve that person so much so where they're like, wait, why are you like loving and serving me so well? Yeah. Like something has to be different.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:55]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:55]:
You know?
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:55]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:56]:
So at least that's some of the things that I've heard.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:58]:
No, I think that's great. I, I think prayer, like you said, like if God's the one that draws hearts and God says in his word that his desire is for all people to be saved, then you know that God is after the heart of your husband. So the best thing you can do is pray.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:11]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:12]:
Um, but then also I think that. You know, one of the ways that we're best a witness to other people is when we dig into our relationship with God. Mm-hmm. And we experience transformation and joy, and then other people catch that. They catch wind of that. Yeah. And they want that for themselves.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:29]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:30]:
So you living in such proximity to your husband and loving the Lord and experiencing all the great things that come with that, that's contagious too. Yes. So I would say just keep. Keep praying and keep, yeah, loving God and kind of see what happens.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:44]:
And I would say too, like, I, I would push out the thoughts in your mind that are like, oh, like, if I could just be with a Christian guy. Like, yeah, and she's not saying that in this, but I'm just saying I would imagine that's a thought that might come into your head.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:01]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:01]:
For a person in this type of situation. And to me it's like, no, you You guys being— God's timing is still correct. Yes. Like you guys got married, you became a Christian. Like this isn't— like this marriage is not wrong. Mm-hmm. And so it's like, God, I think there's so much that God can do in that. So to be encouraged, like, hey, God has you in this season, in this moment for a reason.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:25]:
Yes. So it's not like you took a wrong turn.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:28]:
No.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:28]:
It's like, no, this is, this is what God has you in right now.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:31]:
Oh, absolutely.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:32]:
So.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:33]:
That's great.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:33]:
Yeah. Um, this one says, how do you know when a man is trustworthy?
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:42]:
I think, I mean, I think that's, that's the point of spending time dating.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:47]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:48]:
Before you just get married.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:49]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:50]:
Is that when you date, you go through experiences where you interact with other people or you are promised things or told things by your significant other and you get to to see if that person is a man or woman of their word.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:04]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:05]:
If they do what they say they're gonna do, um, if they respect boundaries that you've put in place. And all of that comes from like explicit conversations about what you're expecting and then watching as results happen. Yeah, I think so. Partially I just think that's like a timing thing, you know, um, watching it happen. But I don't know if you have a better answer.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:26]:
Probably no. I was gonna say, I would say like Do you find that they stick to their word? Like when they say they're gonna do something, do they actually follow through even then when they don't wanna do it?
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:36]:
Yep.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:38]:
Um, my dad has this phrase, he uses it mostly for work stuff, but he is like, are they gonna get to the airport?
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:42]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:43]:
Cuz he had heard a story one time, or I forget what the scenario was, but, um, this guy said that he was gonna pick somebody up from the airport.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:50]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:50]:
And on his way there, his car broke down.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:52]:
Yep.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:52]:
But instead of just calling the person and be like, sorry, my car broke down, like can't come pick you up, he had like gotten another person to come pick him up to go pick up the person at the airport. And it's like, is that person going to like get to the airport?
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:05]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:06]:
Or are they just going to be like the first hiccup in the road? They're like, yeah, I can't do it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:10]:
Yeah, exactly.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:14]:
So yeah, like, are they somebody who like at work, like, are they— when they like— when something happens with their job, like, do they fudge the truth a little bit, or do they like stick to what's right? Like, there's just things that I think you watch and you start like taking note of, and you're like, oh, when things get hard, they don't quit, they don't lie, they don't— whatever.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:34]:
They're not misleading.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:35]:
Not misleading. That's great. Um, another question: how to find peace with a breakup? He stopped talking to me, blocked me. I miss him.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:44]:
See, that's hard because it's a little different than the ghosting thing because they were actually in a relationship versus just like talking and then it stopped. Um, but I do think that this is harder, but in some ways the answer is the same. That I say this sometimes when it comes to breakups, that closure is kind of an impossible thing to find by having someone talk to you and tell you why they ended it or why they blocked you or whatever. But closure comes with time and the next person that you date.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:15]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:15]:
And the reason for that is because time helps to heal wounds, just because that's that's what— that's how, that's how the healing process goes, right? Um, but then the next person you date, whether it's the person you're marrying or not, it, it shows you that God has something else for you. And hopefully, if the person you did next is better than the person you dated previously, it shows you that God has something better for you. Yes. So, and again, like, the problem with, with the idea of peace, because that's, that's the question, is, is We try to attach these feelings of like comfort, fuzziness, feel-good kind of vibes to the idea of peace. And I don't know that peace actually feels like that. I think peace is a knowledge that God's got you even when your circumstances are as crappy as can be, which means I don't know that peace actually feels good. I think peace is more of a faith choice.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:08]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:10]:
And a confidence in God. So with that, um, I think if you've been broken up with and they've removed themselves from your life, peace comes from the fact that for whatever reason, God knows something that you don't.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:24]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:25]:
And he cares about you so much that he decided to airlift the person out of your life.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:31]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:32]:
And chose not to involve you in it.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:33]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:33]:
Because he cares so much about it that he had to do it by himself.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:37]:
Yep.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:38]:
And that weirdly and painfully is about as much closure and peace as you kind of need to move on.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:44]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:44]:
And I say that as somebody who's been in your situation and it's so painful.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:48]:
So it is painful.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:50]:
That's not a, it's not to say that you shouldn't experience pain or sadness in that.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:54]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:54]:
You should. But you also can have closure in that.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:57]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:58]:
Because God took care of it.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:59]:
I would recognize too that, um, I think hindsight is 20/20 except for breakups.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:06]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:07]:
I think every time that a breakup happens, you think, oh my gosh, everything was perfect. Like, wait, wait, wait, like, I just, I want it back because remember how great they were? You think of all the good times. You never think of what they did wrong, or you never think of the times you felt, um, like not loved by them or the bad sides. It's always like, oh, I just remember the good sides, because it's literally your brain like attaching to the comfort of that relationship. And I remember talking with a counselor one time, and they said, they were like, even people who go through like abusive relationships, once they break up, they still miss that person because your brain is like going through actual withdrawals from that person. So like being in pain after a breakup, missing them, missing the comfort and familiarity of them does not mean they were the right person for you, right? Or even like that great of a person in general. Yeah, it just means that you were attached to that person.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:08]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:09]:
So like it would feel weird if you didn't miss them. Yeah, like that's a—
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:12]:
that's a good thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:13]:
You're a healthy person who can connect. So to me, to not look at that and go like, I'm so bummed, like I miss him, like I shouldn't miss him, and I'm like, no, if you're a a normal person, you should miss them. Yes, that's like biologically it happens.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:25]:
That's great.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:25]:
So, but it is hard.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:27]:
Let's do one more and then we can cover the rest maybe next week, or we can do something on Instagram or something.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:33]:
Yep.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:34]:
Um, I like this question a lot. What is the solution to the fear of a better option? FOBO.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:39]:
F-O-B-O.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:40]:
Fear of better option. I've never heard that, and I love that question.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:44]:
I love it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:45]:
FOBO. I've taught, so we've, we've actually had lots of conversations about this and I, my, my unpopular opinion on this is I don't think that's a solution, like something you need to find a solution for. I think that's a really good thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:02]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:02]:
To the fear of a better option is something to incorporate into your dating relationships.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:09]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:09]:
Meaning if you are dating somebody. And you're, we are getting closer to like maybe wanting to make a commitment or wanting to start considering marriage. And all that's going through your head is like, what if there's somebody else out there? What if there's somebody else out there? Part of me is like, I think that might be a thing to pay attention to.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:28]:
Hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:29]:
Because it doesn't seem like your heart is settled on them.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:31]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:31]:
It seems like your heart is fine with them, but you're more curious if there's maybe something more that God has.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:38]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:38]:
That's what fear of a better option is.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:39]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:39]:
It's not even just that you're like, Is there someone better out there? It's like, am I settling for what God's like, not God's best for me when God does have a best for me and I haven't waited for it?
Leslie Johnston [00:42:48]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:49]:
So I think when you get to the person where you're like, I know that there's other great people out there, but this is the person that I want to be with. Mm-hmm. The fear of a better option thing, I don't think, at least with people that I've talked to who they describe how they felt before they chose to get married. They had reached a place of contentment where they were like, I know my partner is not perfect. I know there are other great people out there, but my soul is settled on this person and I feel confidence and peace about this person.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:19]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:43:19]:
And that was how they chose to move forward and get married. So that's good. I actually don't think that that's like something you need to find a solution to. I think that's the litmus test almost in relationships for you to decide if you're with the kind of person that you want.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:32]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:43:33]:
To really be with the rest of your life.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:34]:
Yeah. I think two thoughts about this. Number one is if, if you're asking this question, are you either— it's either it's more— I think 99% of the time it's Morgan's option of like, mm-hmm, hey, you should listen to that. Like if you are genuinely considering other people out there, then this might not be the person because you might— I, I would take stock of like, wait, why am I asking this question?
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:01]:
Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:02]:
What is that person lacking that I really want?
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:04]:
Yeah, good point.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:05]:
And so to me, it's like to write those things down and go like, okay, is this actually just me like spinning my wheels, just thinking like there's so many options out there? Or is there actually things that are missing in this relationship that I need?
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:17]:
Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:17]:
And that's the Holy Spirit giving me this like nudge of like, hey, this isn't right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:21]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:23]:
Um, but I also think sometimes depending on the person, you might have to look in the mirror and go, am I perfect? Huh? No. Like, totally. Yeah. Am I, am I like thinking I'm gonna be with some perfect person because I think I'm perfect? And it's like, okay, maybe looking at your own self a little bit to go, okay, this person is choosing me even though I have things that are unsettling or things that I'm still working through or like sin patterns or whatever. So to go, okay, I'm not perfect and I'm aware of that. So, and I don't— I think a lot of times we get into this, like, you do deserve somebody amazing, but also I think some people can get into this mode of like, well, I deserve a perfect person because I'm so awesome. And it's like, we've known people in our lives who are kind of like that, and it's like, okay, that's not the way to go into a relationship because then, to be honest, that person Probably, I mean, maybe you're not even good enough for that person. I think that's the, yeah, it's like, what, what's the, yeah, what's the motives behind this question?
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:27]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:27]:
But all in all, I agree with you. I think if, if it's a Holy Spirit check thing of like, I don't know how I feel about this person because there's other options out there and they might not have things that I've always wanted.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:42]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:43]:
I would not like push those feelings aside.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:45]:
No.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:45]:
I would really investigate and figure out like, what are the things? Now if it's like, oh, there's other people at the gym more fit, then like, yes, screw that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:53]:
Like, it's like, what, what are they missing?
Leslie Johnston [00:45:55]:
What are they missing? Yes. Like write down the things that, yes. Now I know it's kind of like a Friends situation where Ross writes all the things about Rachel, but it's like, if you need to write in a secret journal somewhere, yeah. The things that they don't have that you are seeing in other people.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:08]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:09]:
And then you can go like, God, I'm gonna come before you, show you these things. Should these things matter to me? Yes. And if they should, then make me feel more unsettled.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:19]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:19]:
And then make your decision. Or God, help me to throw those things away cuz they don't matter that much.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:25]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:25]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:25]:
That's a great point.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:26]:
Yeah. I love that. But I love that question. FOBO.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:28]:
That's great.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:29]:
FOBO.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:29]:
FOBO.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:30]:
It's the new fear of missing out.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:32]:
FOBO.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:32]:
I love it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:32]:
Fear of, what is it? Fear of, fear of better options. I had never heard that acronym before, but I loved it. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:39]:
Maybe they made it up.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:39]:
I don't know. FOBO. All right. Well, thanks for joining us in this episode of Am I Doing This Right? We'll come back to you next week with more awesome content for your day.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:50]:
We love you guys. Love you guys.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:51]:
Bye.