Leslie Johnston [00:00:01]:
All right, welcome back to Am I Doing this Right? We're so excited that you guys are listening, and we're excited to be here.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:08]:
I know. My mouth is full of food right now.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:10]:
Morgan's eating her little.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:12]:
My little Starbucks protein box.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:14]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:17]:
You look really cute today.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:18]:
Thanks.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:19]:
I like your outfit. I like your little slick back clippy thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:24]:
Thank you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:26]:
Drinking these now?
Leslie Johnston [00:00:27]:
Well, I just got them yesterday, but.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:29]:
I thought I've seen you drinking them recently.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:31]:
Well, I drank it last night. I bought them last night.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:34]:
You've never had them before?
Leslie Johnston [00:00:35]:
I've had them, but maybe like six months ago or so.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:37]:
They're supposed to be really good hydrating for you.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:39]:
Really?
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:40]:
They sell them at Trader Joe's.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:41]:
These are all good agua de kefir.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:44]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:45]:
Is it or something?
Leslie Johnston [00:00:47]:
It's electrolytes, minerals, and postbiotics.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:51]:
But what does it come from? I think there's cactus in the front, which is why I always thought that there was like. It's some kind of cultured water that helps with your hydration.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:58]:
Yes. It's. To me, it's a way better tasting kombucha.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:02]:
It tastes like a. Kind of like a mocktail, actually.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:06]:
Oh, yeah, it does. Actually. This one's guava paloma. And they're so good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:10]:
It's so good.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:11]:
But they are like $4 for one. I don't know if that's expensive.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:15]:
Expensive? I don't know. I have bad. I have bad depth perception on that.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:21]:
On that kind of thing. I don't know. I just feel like $4 for a drink because I don't really, like. I don't go and buy coffees. So to me, I'm like, I'm not going and spending.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:28]:
That's kind of what, a coffee.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:29]:
Five or six dollars on stuff. Yeah, on. On drinks at least.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:32]:
But that's a good.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:33]:
I like it a lot.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:33]:
Good little hydrating. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:36]:
I feel like it's just like, good for your gut. I don't even know I like it. That means. But I like it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:40]:
It is good for your gut because it's cultured, so it's got some probiotics in it and I don't know, all kinds of stuff. But it's really good for hydrating you, which is nice.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:46]:
Well, good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:47]:
I love a drink that's not water. That's good for hydrating.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:49]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:50]:
I agree. I don't. I just can't drink water, really. I can, but, like, I will not enjoy and I probably won't end up drinking very much of it. I have to like, put stuff in it. Like, I'll put my, like, magnesium stuff that tastes like lemonade. Or I'll put. Oh, that electrolyte little squeezy thing that we had the other day.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:08]:
It was very good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:09]:
There are some people who don't like the taste of water. It grosses them out, which is funny to me because I've never.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:16]:
You're like. Your body's made up of that, you know?
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:18]:
Well, that. But like. Yeah, it's true. But I'm like, how do you get grossed out by the taste of water? Because water is just.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:24]:
Yeah, it doesn't gross me. It's just boring. It's boring.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:27]:
Yeah. It's not fun to drink.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:28]:
Okay. I was talking with my dad the other day. He's a big Diet Coke person. Like, drinks it probably a couple times a day. He's not crazy. Like, I know some people where they're like, they're constantly drinking it. He's maybe like two per day or three. We were down in Southern California, and It was like 115 degrees in Palm Springs.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:45]:
It was so, so hot. And I'm like, chugging flavored water and all this water, and he's just drinking Diet Coke. And I'm like, dad, you can't. Like, you need to drink water. Like, you need to drink something that's hydrating because your soda is not doing that. And he's like, this has water in it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:04]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:04]:
And I was like. But you know what's funny is I was like, no, no, it doesn't. Like, it's. It's not water. Like, it's soda. And in my mind, soda does the opposite. Like, dehydrates.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:15]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:15]:
That was what I would thought. I would think, too.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:17]:
But sure enough, I looked up on Chachi Boutiques. We were, like, arguing about it, and it was like, yeah, daiku can hydrate you. And I was like, what?
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:25]:
What does your mom drink?
Leslie Johnston [00:03:26]:
What am I doing? Why am I drinking water when I could just be drinking?
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:29]:
I know. Which it has to be. Don't they say it's not as good?
Leslie Johnston [00:03:33]:
And obviously there's like, a ton of stuff in Diet Coke that's not good for you. But.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:37]:
Well, don't they say too, like, that there's stuff in soda, slash in, like, tea and coffee and stuff that's called a diuretic. So it, like, it does dehydrate you while.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:46]:
It's true, because it kind of cleanses.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:47]:
Your system out because it has water, but it also has stuff.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:50]:
Maybe then you're still losing water.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:52]:
I don't know. But I do think that our parents generation doesn't drink a lot of water because, like, I'm with my parents, live in. Live in Texas, where it is notoriously super hot. And it'll be 100 degrees outside. My mom's pulling through Starbucks to get a hot coffee. Or my dad's drinking. He'll drink iced tea out of his. Okay, Stanley.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:09]:
Like, all day. And I'm like, this isn't hydrating. And he's like, oh, there's like, water and tea. And you're just like, wait, what?
Leslie Johnston [00:04:15]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:16]:
So I don't understand how it all works.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:17]:
Yeah, I don't know either, but. Yeah, but I love. Honestly, I love a soda, so I could maybe get on board with that type of hydration.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:24]:
Christy and I were talking about this in the golf court the other day. Do you prefer Coke Zero over Diet Coke, or do you prefer Diet Coke over Coke Zero?
Leslie Johnston [00:04:34]:
I actually prefer Coke Zero over Diet Coke.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:38]:
Me too. We both say that.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:39]:
I. I don't know. I always thought I liked Diet Coke more, and then I had Coke Zero, and I was like, wait, this is better.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:45]:
We both said that. We were both like, the taste of Coke Zero. I like better than Diet Coke.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:49]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:49]:
Do you like the taste of regular Coke more than Coke Zero?
Leslie Johnston [00:04:52]:
Well, to be honest, I don't. I'd, like, never have regular Coke.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:55]:
Neither do I. So I don't even know what regular Coke. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:57]:
I'm like, I don't know what it tastes like.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:58]:
And the. For some reason, the color scheme of the black and red.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:02]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:03]:
Is more appealing to me than, like, the white and red. Like, I would never go for a white and red Coke. I would always go for a Coke Zero.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:08]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:10]:
Isn't that crazy? Yes. I feel like if you are a Diet Coke lover and you. And you think that tastes so much better than Coke Zero, I think you've been drinking Diet Coke for a long time. I don't think new people come to the. The table and go, oh, I choose Diet Coke over Coke Zero. No, like, I think objectively, Coke Zero is better tasting because it's tasting more like Coke.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:33]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:33]:
And it's a little sugarier. Not like it just tastes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:36]:
It tastes better. Like it tastes more.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:37]:
But I think if you've been drinking Diet Coke your whole life, you're like, no, Diet Coke. Which I respect.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:41]:
Something in the Diet Coke.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:43]:
Well, I think Coke Zero also has aspartame. Does it? I'm pretty positive.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:48]:
Oh, shh. What then? What's the difference then? What do we do? What. What's the difference between Diet Coke and Coke Zero?
Leslie Johnston [00:05:53]:
I think Diet Coke is like its actual own flavor almost. And Coke Zero is like trying to make it taste like Coke, but it doesn't have any sugar in it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:02]:
What's the difference between Diet Coke and Coke Zero? Chat will know. They're similar in that they have no sugar and very few calories, but they're different in taste, recipe, and who they were designed for. Diet Coke has its own unique flavor, different from the original Coca Cola. It's a lighter taste, slightly more acidic, and not meant to taste like classic Coke. Coke Zero is formulated to taste much closer to Coca Cola. It's sweeter and less sharp than Diet Coke. Diet Coke uses aspartame as its primary sweetener. Coke Zero uses a blender of aspartame and Ace K, which helps it mimic the taste of real Coke more closely.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:42]:
So it does have aspartame.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:45]:
It has a mixture of aspartame and something else, but not just aspartame.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:50]:
Okay.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:51]:
And then target audience. Diet Coke launched in the 1980s and marketed more toward people looking for a diet option, especially popular with women in its early campaigns. Coke Zero, launched in the 2000s, marketed heavily toward younger people and men, with branding that emphasized zero taste. Or, sorry, zero sugar, same great taste.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:11]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:12]:
Interesting. Okay. See, I always. I thought that Coke Zero was like a healthier. Like a health. Which Maybe. Maybe the.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:19]:
I mean, it's healthier than Coke.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:20]:
Yeah, healthier than Coke, but. Well, maybe aspartame's killing all.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:23]:
Yeah. So that's true.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:24]:
Not that healthy.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:25]:
That's true. Wow. Oh, my gosh. So many things going on. Well, I'm excited for today's episode because we are talking about something that we have been binging recently.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:36]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:36]:
This Summer I Turned Pretty, there is.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:39]:
Some really great TV on right now.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:42]:
We are taken care of.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:45]:
I really feel like there are times in life where there's not great tv and there's times in life where there is great tv.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:51]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:52]:
And right now is really great tv. I do think it's funny, too, because the Summer I Turned Pretty, whether you've watched it or not. And by the way, before you turn this episode off, before you judge us, before you judge us, there will be something in this episode for you, even if you don't watch the Summer I Turn Pretty, because we're taking some themes from the show.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:09]:
Yeah. You don't have to know. You don't have to know the show to listen to this.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:12]:
And the reason why we're talking about this is because I actually think the summer I turned pretty, whether you've watched or not, is kind of becoming like a little bit of a cultural thing right now. Everybody's branding their ministry stuff or like their, you know, their marketing is all like the summer eye and then, like, finish the whatever, but because it's taking the world by storm. So.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:32]:
So for us, it's the summer I didn't do it right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:34]:
The summer I didn't do it right. The summer I podcasted about not doing it right.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:38]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:38]:
We've been watching it every week with our girls in our small group after small group. And.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:43]:
And let's be real, the guys watch it too. They just pretend they're playing cards and they're sitting in the kitchen, but every time you look at them, they're like.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:49]:
They'Re all watching it.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:51]:
They're all watching it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:52]:
And then. And then it's like they. They try to act like they're not interested and they don't want to talk about it. And then all of a sudden, we press play and all the questions start coming up.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:59]:
Oh, I know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:00]:
And Jen, so funny. She's like, all right, let's get all the questions out really quick.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:05]:
And Matt goes. Matt's like, wait, can someone explain to me what this show's about? And we're like, no, it's too late for that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:11]:
It's way too late. You had to have been here before.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:14]:
Yeah, there's just too much to learn.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:16]:
There's too much. So for those who. Who don't know, a quick summary. And I. I'm actually a late comer to the summer I turn pretty. So I had to binge most of. There's only three seasons to it. You can stream it on Amazon Prime.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:27]:
That's where you find it. But it's a love triangle between two brothers and their childhood best friend, basically. And they're like family friends. Moms were best friends. And so it's kind of like her. Her name is Belly, which is confusing for lots of people.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:43]:
Her name is Isabelle, but they shortened to Belly.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:45]:
They shortened to Belly, which is really weird. One of our friends Tyler calls her Tummy because he's confused by the name choice. And Conrad and Jeremiah are the two kind of like guys. And this is not a new theme of TV show because it's similar to, like, basically what happened in Twilight and lots of shows that you love where.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:04]:
You'Re like just a classic love triangle.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:06]:
Love triangle between two guys, both great guys, both, like, pros to Both of them.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:11]:
Both, like, never gonna. That situ. That situation is just never gonna happen to any of us.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:15]:
No. Never.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:15]:
In real life, it's always the show where you're like, oh, you know what? When you're growing up, you're like, you're a teenager. You're like, this is gonna happen to me.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:21]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:21]:
No, no. It's just fair warning. This. This show will not happen to you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:25]:
No, it will not. Everything about this is not. It's based on a book.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:28]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:29]:
And everything about it is unrealistic to your life.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:32]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:32]:
But it touches on a lot of big young person themes because it follows them kind of from their, like, young adolescent years into high school. And then eventually where. Where it's set now is like, the post grad, like, right at graduation, college life thing. So.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:51]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:51]:
All the stuff they're navigating is very much like, young people, you know, next gen kind of stuff.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:57]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:57]:
It's so. It's so good we've gotten hooked in. I feel like you always have to start by being like, oh, this is so lame. Like, everyone on Tick Tock is like, the acting so bad. But then it's like a week later, and they're like, I know every Easter egg. I know everything that Jenny Han, the writer did. Whatever.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:12]:
It's fun to place yourself in situations that you'll never be in.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:17]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:17]:
To try to decide what you would do. And last night we watched. We all were like, what do you do in this situation? Because.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:23]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:24]:
It's. You know, we won't spoil anything for anybody who hasn't watched or read or whatever. But it's like. Yeah. Like, last night felt like it was like the. The climactic moment where it's like the most impossible type of situation for a person to make if you're in it.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:38]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:38]:
And it's always fun to put yourself in those shoes and be like, what would I do in this situation?
Leslie Johnston [00:11:41]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:42]:
Thank God I never have to actually do it. But I. But what would I do? You know?
Leslie Johnston [00:11:45]:
Totally.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:46]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:47]:
So I think my. We'll pull an unpopular opinion in here. If you have one. You can. You can say yours, too. Mine. Summer I turned pretty unpopular opinion is I was team Jeremiah, like, for season one, season two, and actually for, like, a good portion of the beginning of season three.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:06]:
What about him made you what? So for those of you who don't watch it, it's kind of like everyone's saying, I'm team Jacob or, like, I'm team the guy that, you know, she's not Actually supposed to be with. But, like, you like things about him, and I don't understand that because I've never liked him for her.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:25]:
Season three, which. There's just gonna be some spoilers in this. So if you don't. If you haven't watched and you want to watch and you don't want to know, turn this off and watch it and come back. So the first two seasons, I genuinely thought Jeremiah was a much better guy. Like, I was like, he. And which, all things considered, they lost their mom, so they're both going through a lot. But to me, I was like, Conrad only likes her when she's not giving him attention.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:50]:
And the minute she gives him attention, he's done.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:52]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:53]:
He's like, ew, no, like. Or he's just weird. Like, just standoffish. And so I was like, here's Jeremiah, who. I thought in the first couple seasons, I was like, first of all, I think he's more attractive than Conrad was. Again, all my feelings have changed with season three. Just FYI, before all you Conrad girls.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:10]:
Come after me, they're coming after you right now. Conrad girls are intense, but because he's intense.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:16]:
Yes. They love the intensity. But I thought Jeremiah just was, like, they were best friends. They always say, like, marry your best friend. Whatever. So now, were there a couple red flags about Jeremiah?
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:28]:
Yes, but he was consistent.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:30]:
But he was consistent. He loved her. He even gave Conrad a chance. Like, you know, if you want. Like, if you want to be with her, like, I know that she's always loved you, I'll give you your chance. And then Belly ended up choosing Jeremiah, and I was like, this is great. He's no drama. He's, like, sweet and kind and loves her and, like, has always been there.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:48]:
And then when he's sad, he's such a good actor at being sad, so it's so sad.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:53]:
That's because his eyes are massive.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:55]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:55]:
And they always kind of look like they're teary.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:57]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:58]:
So we always look at his crying.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:00]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:00]:
Now, season three really changed things for.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:03]:
Me, but, yeah, I think.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:06]:
Who were you team when you watched season one and season two?
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:09]:
I've always been team Conrad, but I think that's because I have a toxic.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:12]:
You like serial killers?
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:13]:
Yes. I have a toxic thing where I watch these shows, and I immediately. And. And this is kind of. This is like a bigger conversation that I wanted to have because of the show. I have a toxic thing where I watch these shows, and I want the person that I feel like is bad for her. But More intense of a connection. And it kind of begs the question of.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:39]:
And I. I struggle with this. Like, I think this is why I get into a funk when I watch shows like Twilight or other, like, really intense love stories. I don't think I'm actually, it's healthy for me to watch these shows because I get into my head that, like, love and partnership and marriage and whatever is all about this, like, big epic romance, you know, it should hurt kind of mentality when in real life and based off of what we believe, that's actually not the person I would choose.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:10]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:11]:
Both for myself and then also for all the, you know, all the people that I'm around. Like, it's like we. We watch these shows and then it like puts us in this zone of wanting this big, intense, epic romance story. Like, yeah, he's bad for you. And he's, you know, very like, push and pull and he left you and you know, all this stuff because comrad did some.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:31]:
Really.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:31]:
Comrade has like a very push, pull mentality. And it's all on his terms the first couple seasons.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:37]:
Very volatile.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:38]:
Yes. Now, granted, he's going through something very traumatic, which is the case for a lot of real life people. You love someone, you see the best in them, but they're going through something real life traumatic, and it causes them to be very push and pull. One minute I want you, the next minute I'm going to say something to hurt you, to push you away. Like, that's all emotional baggage and trauma and all this stuff. It may not be who they actually are, but it's not healthy and it's not good for you. And it's not the thing that I would encourage for other people to have in real life. So in TV shows, I always root for that because it seems like the more epic.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:09]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:10]:
Thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:10]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:11]:
But that's not necessarily realistic because that's not healthy or what I would want for my real life. And that. So then watching this stuff isn't good for me because in a real life situation, I'd probably be like my friend who is asking me what to do. I'd be like, go with the person who's consistent and kind and doesn't push and pull you based off of the temperature of the day. You know, like, that's what I would encourage somebody to do. But. Yeah, but then in this case, it's like, but Conrad's, you know, or like Edward Cullen, like, very obsessive, very crazy, but he's your epic romance.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:45]:
It's literally the same.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:46]:
And I don't believe in epic romance in real life. So what is going on?
Leslie Johnston [00:16:50]:
I know. It's so true. It's like, I would never. That's why I didn't like Conrad season one and two. I was like, obviously she loves him. More like she just does. She's always loved him. Whatever.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:02]:
But it was like, I would never tell my friend if you were in that scenario to be like, oh, yeah, let's go with the guy who's dumped you like a thousand times and has treated you horribly and is never honest with you. You would never choose that person.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:15]:
Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:15]:
So I'm like, why are we choosing this person? A TV show.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:17]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:19]:
But then feels like he comes out of that in season three and it's.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:24]:
Well, like, that's why. That's why in season three you have more respect for him. Because he goes to counseling.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:31]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:31]:
And he all of a sudden becomes this, like, stand up guy who is very consistent, who's caring and doesn't push and pull her away, depending on his own moods or his own grief. So then he becomes the consistent person that you want him to be for her.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:45]:
Which is why Jeremiah and him switch places in season three, which might be a good life lesson, where it's like, hey, you gotta learn somebody enough to know, like, Jeremiah technically was like the nice guy in season one and season two. He was the consistent one. He never hurt her. He. Whatever. And Conrad was always like the bad one and was like the one who, you know, always had like a different kind of girlfriend. And it was very casual. And then he would hurt her.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:15]:
But then season three, it's like, oh, no, Jeremiah wasn't actually the nice guy. Like, he ended up cheating on her and wasn't honest about it. And there were. And then he starts to turn into his dad. Like, there's so many parallels. First of all, summer I turned pretty. There's like a million Easter eggs in it.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:31]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:31]:
Which is so very Taylor Swift esque.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:33]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:34]:
I feel like I missed out. I didn't go to the ERAS tour. And I felt like that was like a worldwide phenomenon where it was like if you were a part of, like, the ERAS tour, you just were like a part of some special thing. And I feel like I missed it. And now I feel like I am a part of the summer I turn pretty phenomenon.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:51]:
You didn't miss it.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:51]:
I was like, I'm not missing. I'm in this.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:53]:
You're living in it.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:54]:
I'm not missing it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:55]:
So what are the big. What are the big, like, life things? Life Culture things that the summer I turn pretty kind of dives into that we have to, like, weigh in on from a perspective that's not the summer I turned pretty because.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:15]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:15]:
Like, the teen drama.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:16]:
Not the teen drama lens of it, but, like, the lens of it that's like. Okay. So.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:21]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:21]:
How would you. How do you handle these kinds of, like, cultural situations? But you are a Christian who lives for something different, and this isn't all that there is.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:32]:
Well, the first, like, blaring one to me is, like, the kind of codependency she has. Like, Belly will either be super happy if, like, either Conrad or Jeremiah are giving her the attention that she. You see when she's, like, little, when she's, like, growing up with them, or.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:52]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:52]:
She's even, like, in season one, and there's so much codependency where it's like, she's not okay if they're not good towards her.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:00]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:01]:
And so I feel like I used to be like that so much. It was like, bless you.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:06]:
Thank you.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:07]:
I feel like I would obsess over, like, text messages if I got one, if I didn't from the guy I liked or if they paid attention to me or somebody else or, oh, my gosh, do they like me? It was like my moods would fluctuate depending on the person I was with.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:26]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:27]:
And that was like. I feel like that was so hard when I was, like, in high school and even into college. It was like, if I was with somebody who wasn't steady, I felt like if they were good with me, then I was good.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:41]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:41]:
But if they were like, oh, they're seeming standoffish or they're. Or they don't like me or whatever, then it was like, well, now I'm in a puddle because I'm. I'm just fluctuating with how they treat me.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:52]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:53]:
Do you feel like you were that way?
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:54]:
A hundred percent. I'm thinking about every phase that I had in high school or into college and how those phases aligned with whoever I was seeing. Probably so adopted a personality that wasn't mine, that belonged to somebody else's. And the goal of that personality was to be accepted and liked by the person I was with. And so, yeah, I think that if you were to think about, like, Belly, for example, I actually can't. If you ask me to describe her as a person.
Leslie Johnston [00:21:27]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:27]:
I don't actually know if I. Yeah. Like, the only way I could describe her is who she's in relationship.
Leslie Johnston [00:21:33]:
She's in a love triangle.
Leslie Johnston [00:21:34]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:34]:
Like those two guys, I could tell you things about them both. Good things and bad things. I probably couldn't tell you anything about her. I could tell you things about other girls in the show, but I couldn't tell you things about who she is. And so what that tells me is a, it's a TV show so we don't get to see every single moment of her life. But being the idea of codependency and the reason why people talk about it in an unhealthy way is because it's not, it's not healthy for you to be in a relationship where your being in existence is dependent on someone else's being or existence.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:10]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:10]:
Unless that being in existence is God. So. And the reason why that works is because he's your creator. Right. So he, he knows your wiring and he created you to function in a certain way. And so it's like your, your reliance upon him makes sense because you're not one in the same, but you belong together. Like it's, it's, it's, it's like a creator creation relationship. But creation, creation relationships need to exist with both.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:41]:
Like a sense of dependency because dependency is healthy in some regards but not like complete dependency. Or else you lose individual people and then you come up with like one person.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:53]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:53]:
Now in marriage you're. The two are meant to become one. But even in that there's like a, there's a line I believe that you can cross where you can become completely codependent upon your spouse and then you've lost any sense of autonomy or like your own relationship with everything's blurred and everything's like meshed up together.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:14]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:14]:
And I don't feel like any of that's healthy. It feels like like a modern day form of idol worship kind of. Which is all around us. You can worship anything. We're all worshiping many things probably. But I think one of the most dangerous things you can worship as a person.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:32]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:32]:
And that feels like kind of what she does in the show and what lots of us do when we find ourselves in these relationships where we just become the person that we're dating or we. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe you're not even becoming the person that you're dating. But your reason for existing and your reason for joy and your reason for sadness are all tangled up in how another person responds to you.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:52]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:53]:
And that's idol worship because that means your entire focus and reason for doing anything, thinking anything is dependent on a.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:01]:
Person is depressed on them. Oh yeah. And I Think that you. It can start as little things, too. Like, we. Me and my sister joked all the time that, like, when I started dating somebody or when she started dating someone, it was like little things started to change. Where it was like, my style's different.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:15]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:16]:
Or like, the shoes I wear or the. You can totally see that when someone starts dating someone, you're like, all of a sudden you've morphed. Like a mini them, almost.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:24]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:25]:
And even, like, with my sister, when she started dating Joey, it was like he was such. He was so extreme. Like, extreme sports, whatever. Jumping off cliffs. And I'm like, why are you trying to jump off stuff all the time?
Leslie Johnston [00:24:35]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:36]:
I would just laugh. She was already kind of like that. But it was just, like, taken to the extreme.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:42]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:42]:
And same for me. Like, when I started dating Michael, it was like, all of a sudden now I'm, like, wearing a lot of graphic tees and, like.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:48]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:48]:
Thrifting all the time. Which, like. Yeah, that was never me beforehand. And I'm wearing, like, like, shoes that were really hard to get.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:55]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:57]:
But it's funny because it starts as little things which are harmless. But.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:00]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:01]:
You can get to a point, though, like, it's so important who you choose to surround yourself with, even outside of dating relationships, because if you know who you are and obviously things can change about you, styles change, what you like to do changes. And a lot of times for good if you're with the right people. Yeah, but it's so. It's such a slippery slope when you're hanging out with friends. Like, friend groups, even certain family or who you're dating, if they're not good for you, it's such a slippery slope that you won't even know is happening.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:35]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:35]:
And I feel like no matter what, who you surround yourself with and who's, like, pouring into your life will change your identity. Like, it will change who you are and the things you choose to do no matter what. So I think there's a time and place, obviously, to have space in your life for all types of people, but who you're letting, like, your core people be needs to be people you want to be more like.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:00]:
Yeah, 100%.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:02]:
And I just think that's one of, like, the most important things you can do for yourself.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:05]:
People who you want to be more like. And simultaneously people who celebrate who you are and make more space for you to be that. Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:13]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:14]:
If you find yourself in situations with friend groups or with relationships where you feel like you're being molded in a Way to fit what somebody else wants. Yeah, I'd be very wary of that because. Why? Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:27]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:28]:
And I feel like, like what you said, those two examples that you just brought up of kind of like changing little things to kind of help find common ground with somebody. I don't think those are necessarily, necessarily bad things. Those are the little funny things. Right. It's like, you know, my boyfriend enjoys going outside. My boyfriend enjoys, you know, wearing nice clothes. It's like, I'm gonna do things to try to, like, be on their level or meet them where they're at.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:50]:
Totally.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:51]:
And those are all super harmless, fun, relatability kind of things. But the reason why we watch for those things is because over time, if you fully surrendered who you were and all the things you used to do for somebody else's, and they haven't changed at all.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:08]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:08]:
Then I think the reason why it's dangerous is because you lose your why. And if you lose your why, then that. That throws you off kilter for all of the life choices and things that you'll do in the future. Right. Like, if you've been in love before, which unfortunately, my belief is you can be in love with things that are great for you and also with things that are horrible for you. I wish that love was fully protected in. In heaven. It will be fully restored to what it was.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:38]:
And true love is. Is at least what it says in scripture, is that. Is that true love is found in Jesus and what he's done for us. But because we live in a broken world, there's lots about love that's been distorted. So you can fall in love with things that are not good for you, people that are not good for you. And so. And one of the things that I think is dangerous about love, and it's going back to our earlier conversation about, like, when you root for the. The not great guy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:04]:
But the better connection is that love can be powerful enough to make you do things and to make you think ways that are not right, that are not good, and that are not yourself. And so the reason we pay attention to these, like, small things of, like, you know, yeah, I. I got Crocs when Benji and I started dating. That's fun and harmless, whatever. But if all of a sudden I had, like, surrendered my entire personality and all of my dreams to the will of this other person, and I had nothing left of myself, that puts me in very dangerous territory where it's like I've lost sight of my why, who I'm connected to, who I'm Living for what's the greater purpose that I'm living for? And now I feel like all decisions are in question. And that's how you get yourself into some really bad sin situations, is when you've forgotten who you are and your why for living. You're now at the mercy of somebody else's compass.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:58]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:59]:
And their compass can lead you thousands of places that you wouldn't want to go because of love.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:06]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:06]:
Right. Like, yeah, it's. It's just. It's too powerful of a.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:09]:
That's so.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:10]:
Of a feeling or an emotion. And so. Yeah. I feel like that's the reason why we watch for the stuff, like, codependency. Like, are you. You.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:17]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:18]:
And. And is, first of all, do you know who you are? And is that closely tied to who God is? Because that's the only real concrete centering thing we can base our identity off of. And then after that, it's like, if you. If you know that that's true about you, then are you on guard for not becoming something different? Because the wind blows and people come into your life and relationships come into your life, and all that stuff is tempting to get.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:44]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:45]:
Wrapped up in.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:46]:
And maybe a good, like, litness test for your significant other is like, okay, we've been dating. Like, obviously, if you're dating them, I'm. I'm assuming you like a lot of things about them, but did they like who you are or are they trying to make you like them? Like, if they're not. If they're not loving, like, if they're not almost morphing a little bit towards you, too, I think you guys can morph together towards each other, but if it feels like, oh, I'm having to change all of me to be with this person so that they like me, so I can be like them.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:18]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:19]:
Then it's. That's a red flag.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:21]:
That's dangerous.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:21]:
That's a dangerous thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:22]:
Agreed.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:23]:
I also feel like, as you were talking about that, I was like, it's funny because even in the show, you can see Belly. Like, she. When she's with Jeremiah, she still, like, seems kind of like herself, but when Conrad's around, you can see that she's way more, like, conscious of, like, other people and she's helpful with things. It's like Jeremiah comes, especially in season three, like, comes in, like, a whirlwind for all of his bachelor stuff and breaking things, whatever. And she's kind of the one that's, like, trying to keep things together. And that's very Conrad, like, so it's a good, good little drawing from one, one, like, thought to another of like, oh, you know what? Even in the show it was like she was morphing towards his, but his was better than Jeremiah. So you're like, hey, make sure you're like, with somebody who you actually want to become.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:10]:
Like, yeah, someone who makes you better.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:12]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:12]:
If you're gonna like change your. Any of your identity stuff, let it be in a good, positive way.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:17]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:18]:
Okay, here's another one. Oh, Jeremiah cheats on Belly. So what's in. So this is gonna have some spoilers in it if you have not watched the episode that was Wednesday. This episode comes out Monday. So this was just this last Wednesday. But Jeremiah obviously has cheated on Belly. She didn't know about it.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:40]:
She found out through the girl that he cheated on with. And then she finds out at this last episode that kind of the reason he cheated on her was because he found out that she had spent Christmas with Conrad and she didn't tell him.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:56]:
Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:56]:
And so he was expecting her to like, come forward and say that they were together and she never did. So then he started a fight, broke up. They kind of like had the classic friends break.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:05]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:06]:
And then he went cheated on her. And then she was really upset by it. But it got me thinking. Not in like the traditional sense of like how we would talk about, I mean, we could talk about cheating and all of that, but it made me think, I think a lot of times cheating, whether that's like a full blown cheating or even like you say you're dating someone or you're married and you're like, oh, I'm just kind of like flirting with someone else or I'm like texting someone else or it seems harmless in your mind, but there, you know, deep down there is attraction there. Which again, if you're married, like, that doesn't mean you're not attracted to other people. Yeah, like that's going to come in life. It's just natural. But it made me think of the point of like, oh, we have to be so careful whether you're a guy or a girl that I think Satan can get in your mind and be like, well, they did that to you.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:59]:
So.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:00]:
So you can go do this or, oh, this person. And this is any sin, any thing that you can have in a relationship that would be sinful. But it's like, okay, they. Well, in this instance, he cheated on her. So then she, I mean, felt more justified, I guess, being with Conrad. Or he felt more justified Cheating because she was lying to him. But I wonder how many times we give allowances to ourself because we're like, well, this guy that I'm dating, he's not treating me as well. So, like, I get attention from this guy at work or this other guy that I know in my friend group or something, and I'm gonna, like, let myself enjoy that.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:40]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:41]:
Because they're not giving this to me.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:42]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:43]:
This is, this is the, this is why, like, this human tendency of like the tit for tat thing, where it's like, I feel like everybody is very protective of injustice being done to them. So you're always out to protect yourself. Right. And I think part of our protect measure is not just defense, but it's also offense. So like, yeah, I want to protect myself, but part of the way that I can protect myself is if I can hurt you after or hurt you first.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:11]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:12]:
Worse than the way that you hurt me, then I'll feel more protected or I'll feel like the stronger or have the upper hand. Like, I, I actually think that there's like a lot of human. There's a lot of human emotions underneath those kinds of instances where someone does something wrong to you or you do something wrong to the other person. I think a lot of us are really scared of being the underdog in that way, like being the one that's pitied or the one that's on bottom. And so you do things to try to like, raise your status in the relationship.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:43]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:43]:
And I feel like that's. That's a huge reason why God was clear in his word. It's in one of the, it's in the Gospels and it's, It's. I'm assuming. I think it's on the. The Sermon on the Mount. I'll have to look it up. But it's the, like, if somebody slaps you on the cheek, like, turn and let them slap you on the other cheek.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:03]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:04]:
And I'm. I'm like looking up on chat gp, chat GPT, slap cheek passage. Because I, I want to get the right reference.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:12]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:13]:
It's Matthew 5. 39. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other. Also, this isn't, this isn't something telling you, hey, don't fight for justice or don't stand up for yourself. That's not what's being said. But I, I think it's more so speaking. Sorry.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:31]:
To the human. To the human emotion of like it's in you to want retaliation because you're very protective of yourself.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:39]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:40]:
And I think in relationships, especially ones where your heart's in it and you really care, that can create a cycle.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:47]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:47]:
That has to be broken. Of, like, you hurt me, so I'm gonna hurt you again. You hurt me, so I'm gonna hurt you. I mean, Benji and I had an argument yesterday that was like, we could not get out of the cycle of the argument because we kept going back to, like, okay, you did this. Well, I only did that because you did this. Well, I only did that because you did this. And if that's the thing we're going with, then that's never ending. Like, we will never be able to stop finding.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:11]:
Yeah. You never get back to, like, what was it first, the chicken or the egg? Because everybody's offensive. Like, all people have offensive tendencies, which is why I feel like this is this passage of, like, you have to learn how to break cycle by deciding if you're hurt, you're not gonna immediately go towards, how do I hurt back in order to not be the underdog or to get on top of this again. You only break cycles by deciding, I'm not going to, like, retaliate against somebody else for the sake of my own keeping of justice. So it's almost like we have to get rid of the offensive strategy when it comes to protecting ourself, and we have to focus more on healthy defensive strategies. Because, like, for Jeremiah, in his case, if he suspected that something not great was going on between Belly and Conrad, then he should have created more protective boundaries, distance himself, had a conversation, said, I'm not okay with this. I need some space, whatever.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:14]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:15]:
Instead of his first thought going to, like, well, how can I hurt back? Yes, that's the offensive strategy, not the defensive strategy. But the defensive strategy probably would have. It wouldn't have ended in him, you know, making a mistake in his relationship or whatever.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:28]:
Yeah. I guess I think we're also susceptible to doing this, like, on different levels, too. Like, I think none of us are above hurting the person that we love.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:40]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:41]:
And I think I even think back to, like, when I was a lot younger, and it was like, I would think. I think I was dating somebody, and they weren't, like, showing up for me how I thought they should. And they weren't being, like, quite as helpful as I thought they would. And I remember it was like, perfect timing, unperfect timing, but perfect timing of like, oh, this other guy's coming in and he's Being ultra helpful, and he's being so kind and filling all the areas that this guy wasn't.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:08]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:09]:
And I remember in my mind feeling like, well, I feel justified because this person's not even doing what, like, I need, and this other person is filling in these gaps. And afterwards I looked back and I was like, I was more wrong in that scenario than even he was like, we just. I think if we're not careful and we don't catch the fact of, like, I listened to a TikTok the other day where it was like, you need to be very aware of your table. And it was like, talking about how, like, metaphorically, like, you're sitting at a table in life and you have, like, God by your side. And you can be, like, talking about. Talking with God about your life or whatever's happening. And they go. Everyone thinks like, oh, Satan comes in and it's, like, scary, and it's like, with the crazy stuff or like, something crazy happens.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:00]:
And it's like, no. A lot of times Satan just pulls a chair up and is like, oh, yeah, well, that sucks. Like that. How do you feel about that? Really? You should be doing this then. That's not fair. And he just slowly gets in. Into your table. And it's like, how often do we just let our mind run or let our actions run because we're not aware? Like, oh, no, someone's pulled a seat up to the table, and they're making me think I'm justified in this.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:27]:
So I think the overall. It's funny, I always think, like, what's, like, the root of everything, and the root of everything is good. Cause it's justice. It's like, of course we all want justice for ourselves and for other people, but at the end of the day, we know that God takes care of that. That's not our job to. To put that justification in our hands. It's like, no, we let God do what he can do. And I've learned that through so many breakups, too, of, like, feeling unjustified, like, oh, my gosh, like, this happened to me and they were this way, or they did this stuff after we broke up.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:05]:
Whatever. It just. To me, it felt like, this isn't fair. But then when I chose not to do anything about it, I remember just feeling like, you know, I'm gonna let God take care of this. And he always does. Like, in every scenario, he always does. And you may not see it, but, like, eventually, God takes care of the justification.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:23]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:23]:
God says justice is his in scripture, which means you can trust him to take care of it. You don't have to. In scripture, it says you don't have to fight for yourself. You need only to be still. And I think people have a hard time applying that because it really doesn't feel like God's taking care of things in the moment. But that's because we don't have. We don't have God vision on, like, only he does. So we're not able to see the big picture of what he's doing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:48]:
We see things in moments. But I. I love the table analogy because I think you're right. It's very easy to feel like you're being deprived of something or you're being offended by something and to start making little allowances, especially if you're married or in a relationship, make little allowances for things you can get in other places that you're not getting from your spouse. But you justify it because you think that you need those things.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:15]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:16]:
And you're not getting them. And I think that's why a huge theme in the Bible is the idea of death to self. Because you're like, if human beings are not perfect enough to meet your needs, then you will be in a marriage or in a friendship or into something where your needs are not being met fully.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:34]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:34]:
And you get to do one of two things with that. You can figure out how to, A, healthily restore that relationship, B, figure out how to find that need fully met in God. Or C, which I think happens more often than not, your eyes start to wander towards where that need can get filled somewhere else. And that's way easier to do than you think. And I actually think that my fear is that that's already happening to a certain degree. Like you begin. Which I think the whole. The idea of, like, that death to self is like, I'm gonna deny myself the need to get this need fulfilled in a certain way that might be unhealthy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:18]:
I need to figure out how to. How to, like, tame that, because it's very easy to.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:22]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:22]:
Listen to who's at your table. And it's all very subtle and confusing and very convincing too.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:27]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:28]:
Oh, totally.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:29]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:29]:
All right, the last one, and then we'll wrap it up. But grief and emotional availability. So what happens when you're dating someone or you're in a friendship with someone who's really struggling?
Leslie Johnston [00:42:44]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:44]:
And how can that affect your relationship? But how do you also not let it affect it? Just like, obviously in the show, it's like Conrad and Jeremiah lose their mom.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:54]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:54]:
Belly loses, like, her second mom, which was their mom. And you see how that, like, ruined the relationship between Belly and Conrad. But for Jeremiah and Belly, it feels like it pushed them together somewhat.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:11]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:12]:
So you see a lot of different examples of, like, how grief can play out and, like, the opportunities it can bring, but also, like, the separation it can cause, too.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:23]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:23]:
But it's. It's interesting. The first thing I thought of when thinking about this was, like, a lot of times, especially if you're, like, in a dating scenario, a lot of times it's not about you. Like, whatever's happening with them, we can be so easy, easily offended, that we go like, oh, my gosh, they don't have time for me right now. Or they are going through something tough, but they seem distant or they seem. They're not, like, maybe quite as open and kind to me.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:52]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:53]:
That I've had to learn when I've been with certain people who have gone through harder stuff, like, oh, you know what? Like, I take that as, like, they don't like me or they don't. They don't prioritize me or whatever. And sometimes it's like, you know what? It's actually not even about you. Like, we're just kind of framed to realize, like, oh, maybe that's not actually about me. They're going through something tough.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:13]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:13]:
And maybe they're not even saying it. Maybe it's, like a mental battle or whatever it is. But sometimes we're having the realization, like, it's not about me. Like, we watched us. Belly made everything about her this entire show. And you're like, you know what? When someone is going through something hard, that's a great opportunity to become very unselfish.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:34]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:34]:
And very just like, okay, someday that person is going to support you when you grieve. So it's like, how do you want them to treat you during that? And how can you treat them that way?
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:45]:
That's such a shift in your relationship dynamic. I'm not a counselor, so I have no, like, real science or data to back this up. But you go from this. I'm not talking about Belly and Comrade or Belly and Jerry, Jeremiah at this point, because those relationships were already in a weird spot before their mom passed. But I'm thinking about the people who are in a committed relationship, whether that's, like, dating or even marriage or, you know, whatever. And you go from being. There was a. Someone online, I think, a therapist who basically t.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:14]:
Talked about, like, how much percent can you bring to the relationship? And there's going to be times where you can both bring 50. 50. There can be times where you can both bring 100. There's going to be times where one of you can bring 80 and one of you can bring 20.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:26]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:27]:
And it's like the understanding of that helps you know what to expect from the other person. And I like that illustration because I do think, like, when something tragic happens and one part of your relationship is going through something unimaginable, your dynamic shifts from, from being, hey, we're both equally contributing members of this relationship to now one of us has needs and distractions and their focus is on something else entirely. And it's unknown how much time will. Will pass before we can go back to normal or if normal is even a possibility anymore. Right. Like, that's, that's. I think one of the beautiful and hard things about relationships, they're always. The dynamics are always shifting.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:10]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:11]:
But I can just imagine how hard that must be. Like, there were a few things that happened in dating, some really big life shifts. Two that I can remember specifically for Benji, where I remember having to have some conscious conversations with God of, okay, this is going to shift the dynamic for a little bit. And I need you, God, to help me figure out how to be okay in and of myself. Because I don't think I'm going to get what I need or what I've been wanting for a while because I think he needs to go do and deal on his own. And so, yeah, I think you're right. It's like there needs to be some sort of a super holy spirit charged, like, like, lack of selfishness. And you almost have to turn your brain off of like, okay, here are my needs.
Morgan May Treuil [00:47:02]:
Let me get what I need to. Like, I'm actually just a steady force for this person now. Like, I, I show up and I'm here now. There's lots of complicated stuff. I think that, that you know, the person who's. I don't know because. Because you can't, you can't fully pause your life to go like, yeah, be somebody's. Not that you should ever be somebody's punching bag, but you can tend to experience some of the worst parts of people when they're going through something hard.
Morgan May Treuil [00:47:32]:
So I don't know how long you're meant to, like, I don't know. I think I, that's. I can't imagine that.
Leslie Johnston [00:47:39]:
I know. I. Especially when you're. Well, it's different when you're dating versus married, obviously.
Leslie Johnston [00:47:44]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:47:45]:
And I think that's When I think you really need to know that person. Like, if someone's struggling and you're in a dating scenario, if you. I would say sometimes we want to just make things better for the person. So I think I see a lot of people, like, especially, I mean, you see this in movies and shows and whatever. It's like someone gets sick and they're like, well, let's just get married. Or like, let's. Which again, there's probably like a time and place for that. But when someone is struggling and you're dating, I would say, like, if you feel good about the relationship, but you still feel like you're not getting a lot of.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:24]:
I think a longer Runway to marriage is probably better.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:26]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:27]:
Like time is on your side.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:29]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:29]:
And time will help. I just don't think there's any waste in making sure, like, your dating Runway is long enough so that you don't get to marriage. And then you freak out because you're stuck.
Morgan May Treuil [00:48:44]:
Oh, yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:45]:
And you're like, what did I just do?
Leslie Johnston [00:48:47]:
Like, yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:48:48]:
And. And like, there are definitely triggers to life where something bad happens and you immediately want to make some kind of a drastic shift to try to fix. And there are people who I've talked to who are like, yeah, we actually got married at a time when I wish that we hadn't. We did it because I was going through this and this was almost like a fix for us.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:12]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:49:13]:
And that can happen more often than you think too. When you're going through something hard, your decision making faculties are not as intact as they should be.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:21]:
Oh, yeah. My dad always says, don't make a decision when you're down.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:24]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:25]:
Like, don't make any life altering decisions when you are not at your best.
Morgan May Treuil [00:49:30]:
Because those decisions don't actually fix what's broken. No.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:33]:
Which can be for good things. I think a lot of people hear that phrase and they go, okay, I won't quit my job when I kind of hate it. Or I won't ditch on the relationship when I'm not feeling it. But I think it can also go for the flip side of, like, if you're feeling like you're in a hard situation, like maybe your living situation isn't what you want it to be. Don't get married to get out of your living situation. Or say your family life is a. Is a mess and you're like, well, if I get married, then this life flights me out of this.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:59]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:00]:
That's not a reason to get married.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:01]:
No.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:02]:
Like, you're just gonna hop into A different situation where you might end up with similar things.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:06]:
Yeah. Are you running to something? Not from something? If you find yourself in a situation where you're always running out of a situation to try to change.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:14]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:14]:
Then that's not.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:15]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:15]:
When you get there, it's not. Whatever. Whatever got you there is not going to last.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:18]:
No.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:19]:
You have to be running towards something.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:20]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:21]:
I also remember. I don't think I've ever dealt really with this a little bit with past boyfriends, but not. No one ever went through anything like, really crazy. But with Michael, I remember our first, like, year of dating came with a lot of, like, health challenges for him. And so I remember feeling like, oh, wow, I've never experienced this before, but what was really cool about it was like, I think I realized there's a difference between supporting someone and then feeling responsible for their healing. Like, you can support someone, but if you're a fix it person and I'm a fix it person, like, I'm like, oh, let's find something to like, reframe how you think about this and you'll feel so much better after. But with health stuff, like, I'm not a doctor, I can't fix stuff.
Leslie Johnston [00:51:14]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:51:15]:
And so I really had to learn, like, the, the joy it is actually to just support someone and be there for them even if they don't get better. Like, even if it's. I'm lightening your. Like, you have to think of it like, I'm lightening their load. Like I'm helping take off some of the. Or alleviate some of the pain that they may be experiencing.
Leslie Johnston [00:51:38]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:51:39]:
You're bearing a burden and that's enough. Like, because there are going to be things in life like you can't fix it for your spouse or your boyfriend or your girlfriend or whoever. Like, you can't take away, like, like Benji can't take away your anxiety. Like, I can't fix Michael's health stuff. Like, there's just things that are not. Not your responsibility, first of all. Like, you don't have to carry that weight and that alleviates then you feeling like you have to be perfect for them.
Leslie Johnston [00:52:06]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:52:07]:
In helping them carry that load. But I think if you can just think of it like, I'm helping offload some of this stuff. I'm not fixing you fixer.
Leslie Johnston [00:52:15]:
I.
Leslie Johnston [00:52:15]:
But I can help.
Morgan May Treuil [00:52:16]:
Which I think is for every individual listening to this, whether you've been through a hard time or you're going through a hard time and you're in a relationship with somebody that to me is almost like a reason right now to get a couple of things in order. Number one, don't be in a spiritual deficit whenever hard times hit, because that's a huge way that you overcome. And your partner is not meant to fix you or to help like. Like dig you out of your hole. Right. Like, they're meant to help shoulder it with you. And then the same thing goes for, like, I think an actual counselor. Like, if you're going through something that's a mental health issue or some kind of a grief of some kind, I think getting a third party mental health professional in the room with you guys to help you because.
Morgan May Treuil [00:53:03]:
Yeah, like, as. As much as you're able to do things like that, then you're not going to find yourself in a position where it's like just the two of you figuring out, like, what we're supposed to do about all of this. Because you might not have. You don't have the tools to fix them or to help restore them to full health.
Leslie Johnston [00:53:19]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:53:20]:
And two other points on that, I think. First is you also need to take care of yourself. Like, you can still be with somebody who's struggling, but you also have to be filled up. Like, it's so easy to be like, I'm just gonna jump fully into this because you care about that person and you want to be with them and everything. But you also do need to have time where you feel supported or else you're gonna get drained.
Leslie Johnston [00:53:43]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:53:44]:
And the second thing is, if you are the one going through something hard and that person is making it worse, like, they're not alleviating stuff from you or helping. They don't have to be perfect. Like, people mess up, they say the wrong thing like a hundred times. But if they're making your load worse, I don't know if that is the person, then. God.
Morgan May Treuil [00:54:12]:
Yeah, you're. You're seeing something. If you're in a marriage and that's happening, that's the time to ask a counselor to get involved and to help. If you're dating somebody and that's happening, and it's a cyclical pattern. It's not something that happened one time. It wasn't an instance. It's like a pattern that you're seeing. This might be God revealing a thing that you needed to see before marriage.
Morgan May Treuil [00:54:34]:
Because all of marriage is laboring through hard times together. Right. Like, yeah, that's. You're picking somebody who you're going to suffer best with. And so if you're seeing someone where you're like, oh, you don't take weight off of me. You put weight on me.
Leslie Johnston [00:54:46]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:54:47]:
That's. That's a flag to pay attention to.
Leslie Johnston [00:54:50]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:54:50]:
Like, if I know myself and I can be an anxious person in the way of, like, medical stuff, for example, like, that would. Like, that stuff has always kind of freaked me out. Now, if I was with somebody who was like, I'm not help. Like, the nice thing about Michael is he, Even though he struggles with the same thing, he'll calm me down about stuff.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:10]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:10]:
But if I was with someone who's like, yeah, you're probably gonna. That's. You're probably gonna die. Like, I look that. Also on ChatGPT, you're done for. It's like, there's certain things where I think, yeah, when you are in a dating scenario, like, I just think God. I think God loves to put people in your life to support you and to help you through things. That doesn't necessarily just have to be your spouse.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:33]:
Like, that can be your friendships, your family. But I think it's cool when God pairs people up. Like, Benji for you is so good because you guys are so different. I think God knew you and he knew Benji and how he put you guys together, it's like, it just. It works. And I think, yeah, don't. It's like, don't settle for someone when maybe God has somebody for you that's like, they're not perfect, but they're gonna be what, the support that you need.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:06]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:06]:
And the things that God is, like, so gracious to give in. Somebody that's like, oh, you know what? We're different. But, like, they help me in these things, and it works.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:15]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:15]:
So 100%.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:18]:
Wow.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:19]:
Some life lessons from the summer I.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:20]:
Turned pretty from Tummy Tummy and Conrad and Jeremiah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:25]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:26]:
Oh, we have a couple episodes left.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:28]:
I know.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:28]:
I don't even know what. I read the books, like, a long time ago.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:31]:
I did. I genuinely have no idea what's about to happen, so I'm excited to see.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:34]:
Them see the end of the. No, the nice thing is none of us do because the books ended last night. Like, the books were like. And right after the wedding, the book ends, but then there's, like, a flash forward, and then there's, like, who she ends up with. Wait, so you don't know? I don't spoil it from the books. Oh, so you do know in the books. But it's kind of like five years later, and then it's like this. So there's no, like, oh, multi.
Leslie Johnston [00:57:00]:
I mean, she never went to Paris in the books or anything like that. So this whole next section, like, nobody knows what happened.
Morgan May Treuil [00:57:06]:
I'm so excited. I love a show like that.
Leslie Johnston [00:57:08]:
Oh, man.
Morgan May Treuil [00:57:09]:
Well, thanks for joining us on Am I Doing this Right? And we hope you got something out of this. And we'll see you guys next week, same time, same place.
Leslie Johnston [00:57:17]:
We'll be here.
Morgan May Treuil [00:57:18]:
Make sure you follow us on Instagram at Am I Doing this Right? And follow along all of our stories and our ventures and our reels and stuff, too.
Leslie Johnston [00:57:26]:
That's right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:57:27]:
Love you guys. See you next week.
Leslie Johnston [00:57:29]:
Bye.
Morgan May Treuil [00:57:30]:
Bye.