Leslie Johnston [00:00:00]:
Welcome back, everybody.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:04]:
Things look a little bit different around here, and that is because Leslie and I are in two different spots right now filming this podcast.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:14]:
That's right. I am in Palm Springs, California, which, when this airs, I will no longer be here. But when this airs, Morgan will be in Texas.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:23]:
Yes. So I am currently in a very small town called Lampasas, Texas, which is where my parents live. And we ended up coming here for part of our maternity leave, actually, to get some help from my parents, while Benji has to travel a little bit still. So we're in Texas right now, which is crazy.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:43]:
That's right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:44]:
I'm missing Leslie in person, but I know it's fun to get to see you over Zoom, too. Or not Zoom, whatever this app is called. Riverside also. Riverside also. We had a baby. We had the baby.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:57]:
I was just gonna say, I think this is the. The first time that you are on this podcast post birth.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:03]:
Yes. I would stand up and show you that I'm not pregnant anymore, but it doesn't actually look that different.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:11]:
Okay. Here's the thing about Morgan, though. Morgan. I don't know if we've talked about this on that. On this podcast before, but Morgan did something super strategic before she got pregnant. She was like, guys, just so you know, I'm gonna blow up. Like, I'm gonna be huge. You won't even recognize me.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:27]:
Like, she prepared everybody for this. And what worked in Morgan's favor was that she. Yeah, she made a really big deal about that. And then she, like, barely changed, which is awesome.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:39]:
I don't know. Like, I think you're.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:41]:
I love.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:41]:
I loved the fact that I changed during pregnancy, but I do think that there is, like, there's like a. There's a strategy to that where you're like, I'm gonna prepare everybody for the worst. So they're expecting it to be really bad. So then when it's just slightly bad, then they're like, oh, my gosh, you look great. I was like, my nose is going to get big. My face is going to grow two times the size.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:02]:
And then it's annoying. It's annoying for the rest of us because all of us are just not going to have the same experience as Morgan.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:10]:
Morgan totally will.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:11]:
No different with, like, a tiny little basketball. And the rest of us, I just know we're going to, like, you know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:16]:
Blow up, which is totally fine.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:17]:
I'm like, that's. That's a part of. That's like a pregnancy rite of passage.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:21]:
But I also don't even know if that's true. Because I was looking at our most recent episode that posted with Dina, and I was like, dang, I look rough. But we were getting towards the end, and it was like, we can't put makeup on anymore. We can't wash hair anymore. It's all just so hard. It was so hard.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:38]:
Oh, man. Well, you looked great your entire pregnancy, which doesn't matter anyways. A beautiful, beautiful Waylon.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:47]:
Waylon Andrew. We were going to have him on a podcast today, but I. I brought him in here a second ago, and he was screaming bloody murder. So we were like, you're not doing it right today. You can't. Come on.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:59]:
Maybe at the very end, we'll. We'll bring him on.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:01]:
If I hear him at the end.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:04]:
Then it keeps people listening.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:06]:
Yes. Because they're dying to see the baby.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:07]:
You gotta wait till the very end. I guess you could just scrub through to the end.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:11]:
But he will cry. He will just scream into your. Into your headphones or wherever you're watching. And you'll. You'll just love our podcast because of that.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:19]:
Also happy he does scream he's like a normal baby. Because every time I've been, I don't think he's ever cried in front of me.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:25]:
Yeah, he hasn't been. He knows. He's like, auntie Leslie is my friend. Happy New Year, by the way.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:33]:
Happy New Year 26.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:36]:
That's.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:36]:
I know. Wait. Okay, but before we jump into this episode, I want to know. Morgan, obviously we always do an unpopular opinion, but I want to know if you have, like, a motherhood unpopular opinion.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:49]:
Okay. I don't feel like this is, like, a fun unpopular. I'm sure that I'll have more fun ones that pop up as time goes on, but I would say my unpopular opinion is that newborns. You kind of. I don't think you have to follow as rigid of a newborn schedule as everybody tells you that you have to at first. So when. If you're listening to this and you are a mom, then maybe you're like, oh, yeah, duh. Because you've already been through this and you've learned it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:23]:
If you haven't become a mom yet or you are, like, pregnant or trying or whatever. A lot of people will tell you that. That the schedule is very rigid, especially in the beginning. You need to have them eat this many times a day. It's gotta be this many hours apart. It's gotta be this long. You gotta change diapers this many times. You're looking for this many diapers.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:42]:
You have to track it all. So you and I understand the sentiment of like, get them to a healthy weight. But also it can kind of just be. I feel like it can kind of just be intuitive and a lot of moms might come for me and be like, no, you have no idea. You're brand new with it. You're three weeks old. You're a three week old mother. You have no idea.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:01]:
But I do feel like it is a little bit more intuitive. They will tell you when they want something. You don't have to like, make everything so, so, so rigid.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:10]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:11]:
Or maybe I'm just telling myself that so that I can stop waking up at night every three hours. We're stretching it out a little bit more now.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:21]:
How much sleep are you getting right now? Wellan's also like a very healthy weight. Like he. Yeah, he is. You went to the doctor, he's gained all this weight and stuff, so. But how much are you sleeping now?
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:34]:
They tell you at first that you have to wake them up every two to three hours to eat until they get back to their birth weight. So he got back to his birth weight and then he's gone past his birth weight. So now we actually can chill out on the timing of things. So he will sleep for four hour stretches. Here is such. This is a, this is a sham, though. This, this part is the worst. Okay, so you have to go two to three hours between every feed.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:58]:
You would think that's two to three hours from the time that you finish feeding. No.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:03]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:03]:
Two to three hours from the beginning of their feed. Their feed takes like 30 minutes. So by the time that you're done, you are like an hour and a half, maybe an hour 15 from the next time that they have to eat. What?
Leslie Johnston [00:06:17]:
Like that, during the day, during the.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:19]:
Day, during the night, anytime. Anytime that you're spacing out time, you think about it like, this is going to be. He's going to eat two hours time that I started. Start. Who did. Who decided that? Who decided that? Maybe. God, I don't know. But I'm just like, all we do is eat.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:36]:
All we do is eat and all we do is feed and we are breastfeeding. And so it's like just. It's gnarly. It's gnarly over here. It's a. It's just. We try to think of all the things I could say right now that would be offensive and I can't.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:54]:
We do keep it pretty real on here.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:55]:
I also have a very low filter.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:57]:
Right now, but No, I love that We've always had low filters, though, so that's no different.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:01]:
Yeah, we do.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:01]:
We really do.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:03]:
What?
Leslie Johnston [00:07:04]:
So when does that kind of stop? Like, oh, I'm kind of more like a breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:10]:
Yeah, exactly. So you can introduce solids at six months, but a lot of people will introduce solids, and they will keep breastfeeding. Imagine your kid is, like, eating a.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:21]:
Chicken every two, basically every hour and a half for, like, until he's six months.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:25]:
Oh, sorry. No, that can chill out almost immediately. So, like, every. Every, like, milestone, like, when he hits one month, you keep spreading out the amount of time that he's eating. So, like, your life progressively gets easier in the sense of, like, you have to feed them less often, but then they start moving around and talking, and the challenges just change, I guess.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:49]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:49]:
But this was crazy to me. They can start doing solids, taking solids at six months, but a lot of people will continue breastfeeding while they're starting solids, which means your kid could be eating a little chicken nugget and also be like, hey, mom, can I also have some breast milk with that? Which just feels wrong. That feels wrong to me. I don't know. So funny.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:11]:
Like, yeah, Chick fil A. Nuggets and milk.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:14]:
Exactly.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:15]:
Okay, wait, give me. Because I know that you have an opinion on this, and. And don't worry, everybody. If you're, like, not interested in baby things, like, we won't talk about this forever, but.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:23]:
Oh, we've been passionate about that. This is not gonna be a baby podcast. Don't worry. This is just our first one.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:28]:
I know this is our first one, and I haven't seen Morgan in, like, a week. So to me, I'm like, I'm catching up.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:33]:
I know everybody else I know.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:35]:
Give everybody your diaper unpopular opinion. I guess it's maybe not unpopular, but you're, like, you told us the other day that you're trying to get. Benji wanted you guys to get on these, like, natural diapers, and you're like, oh, my gosh.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:48]:
Okay, so first of all, yeah, so I'm married to somebody who is amazing in every way, and he really wants to keep our baby safe from toxic chemicals, et cetera. And I also feel like that's a great goal to have, but, boy, does Huggies and Pampers make the best diaper.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:09]:
Right? Do it right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:10]:
They do it right. It's like the structure of the diaper, the waterproofness, the way that it hugs the legs and keeps everything in. It's like, no one can be I don't know what kinds of chemicals are coming off the diaper and transmitting to the baby, but boy, does it keep stuff locked and loaded. Now we have found a diaper brand called maybe they'll sponsor us. Yeah, it's called Parasol and it actually is a very clean diaper brand that does a good job. But my unpopular opinion was like, we like, yes, the toxic companies are poisoning our children, but boy, do they make diaper changes just way easier. Hats off to them.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:54]:
That's so funny. I know. I had a friend one time when, like, clean beauty was, like, coming out and it was like all the rage. And I love. I pretty much only use clean stuff, but she was like, you know what? I think I need every paraben, every, like, bag. She's like, I think, I think I need it though. I think, like, my skin craves. It craves sulfates and parabens.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:17]:
It's like, it's like natural deodorant. It's like no one, like, like, we all. Everyone wants to have natural armpits. And, like, don't put aluminum in your armpits. And you're like, no, no. Aluminum is actually really good for your smell. Really bad for you. Really good for your smell.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:33]:
Literally.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:34]:
I would you. You don't use natural.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:38]:
I don't use no secret Outlast. I use, like the jelliest of gel secrets.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:45]:
I remember that one time you're like, can you pick me up from Target? A clinical strength, whatever. I'm like, yes, 100. I know. I'm like dove now they have like an aluminum free option. I'm like, no, no. I tried natural one time and I felt like I sweat more than if I hadn't put it on at all.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:03]:
Yes, agreed.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:03]:
I've never done this again.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:04]:
Which I think you go through an adjustment period of having to detox from the other deodorant and then into your new one. So originally it does make you smell worse. But yes, it's not worth. Nothing's worth that. I'll take a few less years for a little bit more. Aluminum just smells good.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:24]:
Exactly.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:26]:
Wait, I want to ask which you've been around. You're so natural around babies. You've been around babies. But I wanted to ask if you. If, like, what, what Waylon, or like meeting Waylon has like. I don't know, like, does it. Does he feel like he's our kid? Like he's my baby?
Leslie Johnston [00:11:44]:
Oh, I thought you meant like our kid. I'm like, yes, yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:48]:
We are raising this baby together.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:51]:
He Said, am I doing this right, baby?
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:53]:
Because we just talked about him for nine months. And so now that he's out, does it feel like, oh, you were in there the whole time.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:00]:
Okay, well, I feel like he looks so much different than I thought he would look. Also a thing that Morgan maybe strategically did. She told all of us that Waylon was going to be, like £11 and this massive hairy baby.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:19]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:19]:
And so in my mind, I thought this little, tiny hairy sumo wrestler was going to be joining us, and he was going to be the fattest baby you've ever seen. I love a chunky. I love a chunky baby.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:31]:
They're so cute. He.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:32]:
I thought he was just literally going to be like a little sumo baby. And he's not. He's, like, tiny. He's got skinny, little long arms, skinny, little long legs. And he's just like, he's so, so cute. And he looks so different than what? So part of me was like, at first, like, who's. Who's baby?
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:52]:
Who is. They mixed it up. Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:56]:
But also, maybe this is an unpopular opinion. I don't think babies ever look like the parents. I know a lot of people say they do. I personally don't see it. Like, I see a baby. Like, I'm like, waylon looks like Waylon to me. I'm like, oh, he has his own look. But it's hard for me to be like, that looks like Benji or that, like, when they get older, you start to see it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:16]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:16]:
But for me, I don't. I don't think I have that part of my brain that can attach, like, your face to Waylon.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:22]:
Yeah. I agree with you.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:23]:
He feels like yours. He feels like yours.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:25]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:26]:
So in a way, yes, but in a way, no. I don't know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:29]:
Yeah, he looks. He looks totally different than I thought he would. Also, like, I think I thought because Benji's features are so strong, they will fully take over and he won't look anything like me. And I feel like he actually. I don't think he looks like me, but I don't think he looks so much like Benji that, like. No, that he looks like him either. So I, I. When they first handed him to me, there was a.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:53]:
This is going to be. This is when. When we talk about this, I'm going to say all the, all the honest things that maybe people are scared to.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:00]:
Say do because just Because a lot of moms don't. And.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:03]:
Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:03]:
And then. And then other moms are like, wait, am I the only one who thought this no, please give all your unfiltered thoughts.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:10]:
When they first handed in to me, I remember thinking, like, I don't recognize this baby at all. Like, you know that moment where they hand them to you? Either you have a vaginal delivery and, like, you see the baby come out and you hold it, or if you do a C section, they'll hand him, like, over the curtain, the privacy curtain. I remember thinking, like, this could be anybody's baby. I feel. No, this sounds horrible, but like. And also the story. I was incredibly drugged at this time too. Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:42]:
But I remember feeling nothing, no attachment. Like, I was excited about him and obviously I loved him. I loved the idea of him. I loved him from when he was in the womb. But, like, I hadn't. I had zero, like, connection. Nothing connected in my mind of, like, that's my baby. Nothing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:00]:
No, it didn't feel like that at all. And I was worried about that at first. I was like, shoot, this probably isn't. Hopefully some level of, like, attachment starts to grow and it does really quickly after that.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:12]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:13]:
But it is funny, like, maybe on your second or third kid, you know that eventually pregnancy results in this baby. So you become more attached quickly when you see them because you know what to expect. That this nine month growth process results in a human. But when you're doing it for the first time, you have no idea what the result is because you've never done it before. So not only did I, like, not recognize him or not see any of us in him, but you're also like, whoa, that's what was growing in there the entire time. And I knew that in theory, but not actually in practice. So that was weird. It was very weird.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:52]:
Yeah. It's funny that you say that because I actually have multiple friends I've talked to who felt like that. Right. It was, it was. They gave me the baby and I was like, wait, I don't recognize this baby. Like, somehow it's like you're supposed to know who it is, but you don't because you never.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:09]:
Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:10]:
It's not like. It's not like they, you know, put a camera in there and it's like, oh, that's what the baby looks like. So you can at least start to be like, oh, I'm recognizing face to whatever.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:18]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:18]:
And you have so many hormones and everything going on that it's like, I have a lot of friends who went, at first the attachment wasn't what I necessarily expected or what everybody talks about.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:30]:
Huh.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:31]:
And. But then obviously it grows and then it's like, oh, yes, this grows and grows and grows. But, yeah, that. That's interesting.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:38]:
That's interesting. I. I had never heard anybody say that. And. And so then when it happened to me, I was like, oh, I feel like something might be broken or wrong. And then you. You do realize that the. The postpartum experience is so crazy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:49]:
So there's no. There's no normal and there's no not normal for all the stuff that you're gonna feel afterwards. But you know what's funny is, like, they. You're basically going off of ultrasound photos for your entire nine months to get a gauge of what your baby looks like. And honestly, we should stop using those because what. Like, that's. What a crazy picture that you have for nine months, this little alien baby is growing in your stomach, and they come out and you're like, you look nothing like the ultrasound. You look nothing like my imagination.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:21]:
Like, I shouldn't have even been looking at any of that stuff because it wasn't helpful.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:25]:
The chatgpt photos of melding the two of you, the AI babies.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:30]:
That is so funny. I should go back and look at the ones that we made to see if he looks anything like that. I don't think he does.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:35]:
So funny.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:36]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:36]:
Wait, so what. What. When did you start to go like, okay, this kind of feels like my baby, or are we still getting there? I think I'm reaching Such, like, a crazy experience. I think going from. I mean, speaking from never having been a mom yet.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:54]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:54]:
Going from zero to one feels like the craziest thing, because at least when you're going to, like, 1 to 2 or 2 to 3, it's like you kind of know what to expect. 0 to 1 is like, everything's new.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:09]:
Everything's brand new. I. I was trying to think of other points in life where you do something for the very first time or like, your body's doing something that it's never done before because the older you get, the more that you have all kinds of life experiences and, you know. Yeah. So I was thinking about, like, okay, your wedding night. That's a first. Like, the first time that your body starts doing something that it's going to keep doing for the rest of your life or, you know, till a certain. Till a certain age, but you've never done it before, so you're a fully formed human.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:41]:
And yet, like, also, that's not even the baby. If you can hear that. That's Chaka. That's a dog screaming.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:47]:
I was like, either that's A crying person. Definitely not Waylon.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:51]:
That's not Waylon. Just in case the listeners are like, what the heck is that? And then birth is one of those things. And then motherhood is one of those things. And you kind of think motherhood is more of like an identity shift or even like a responsibility shift because there's a new human in your space. But also motherhood is a very physical change too. Like it's a very physical change on your body. All of a sudden you're carrying this baby around all the time. If you're, if you choose to breastfeed, then breastfeeding is like a very physical thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:24]:
And then postpartum is not just an emotional mental thing. It's also a very physical thing too. Like, that's the way I would describe postpartum Sadness or depression is like, kind of feels like a physical sadness that overtakes your whole body. Like it feels like something really heavy is just sitting on you. And so, yeah, I, I think with that at first it's the, it's the sensory overload of, okay, there's this new baby that now needs me to survive. And it's not just he needs me to survive three times a day or like whenever he needs a diaper change. It's much more constant than that. And I had no idea that it was gonna be that constant.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:04]:
So at first you kind of don't, I don't feel like you bond at first. I think at first you are, you are stressing to make your body produce and do what it needs to do to keep something else alive. And you know that you're supposed to. And you feel an immense amount of responsibility so you, you do it. Then I think once you start to figure out how your body works and like those feeding times or the diaper changing times or the sleeping times start to feel like, okay, I've got a rhythm, I've got some strategies. I start to like know certain things that he likes or doesn't like. Then I think that's where attachment grows. You know, like he doesn't like to be naked cause he doesn't like to be cold.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:47]:
Or like he loves to move around. So most cries that are not hunger related can be solved by walking around the room and like doing a butt tap. He doesn't like pacifiers that much. He tends to just spit them out. And it's like those kinds of things. When you learn those things, you start to realize like, oh, I'm totally attached to him. Because even though these are just preferences, they're not personality traits. They're things that I know that only I can know the way that I know them about him.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:14]:
And no one else has the ability to, like, know him like that. So I feel like it's just now starting to kick in, and we're at three weeks, and it still feels very foreign and very new. But I know more than I knew three weeks ago. That makes me feel like, oh, okay. Like, I know you better and I know myself better as a mom. And yeah. So it. To encourage people, if you feel like it's happened later for you, then that's okay.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:42]:
Like, there's. There's no right or wrong. There's no. I don't think there's a right or wrong.
Leslie Johnston [00:21:47]:
No.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:47]:
At all.
Leslie Johnston [00:21:48]:
And honestly, I kind of respect. I mean, I respect people who, you know, instant connection in the hospital. And it felt like, oh, my gosh, I was made for this. This is like, I know this baby. Like, I've known them forever. But then for people who maybe that hasn't kicked in yet, to me, I'm like, I respect so much that those people can get up every hour and a half and feed this baby. They. They just go into the motions and they're like, I'm doing this.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:18]:
I'm. I'm selflessly. Because I think parenthood is a lot of being selfless. Because there's going to be times when this child acts in a way that's not totally. They're not like, they're not here to bring you joy necessarily. Like, they will.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:32]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:32]:
It's like, that's not their life goal. So it's like almost like the beginning stages of their birth and them not even being able to communicate with you or even, you know, smile at you or do things that, like, would bring you joy as a parent, but you're loving them and doing those things for them because you're like, this is what unconditional love is like.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:52]:
That's a great point.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:53]:
If they never did anything for me, I would still do this stuff for them. And so I'm like, that's such a cool testament to you as like a parent to be like, oh, no, I'm still going through all of the things I'm supposed to do, even if the emotions aren't always there.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:09]:
That is actually really encouraging. And I hadn't thought about it that way, but that. That helps me put some stuff into perspective. Because you tend to feel bad for. For. At least I have for the moments that I feel like I'm just surviving and I'm not enjoying it. I feel like I guilt myself into being like, man. I wish that he had a version of me at this point in time that was a little bit more excited when he wants to feed or, like, you know, like, loves to be needed or whatever.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:35]:
And I don't think anyone does this perfectly, but it reminds me that. And I haven't had a bad experience postpartum at this point. But there are a lot of people where your actual hormones make it really hard for you to feel some of the things that you think you're supposed to feel once you have a baby. And what you just said is really profound because it's like, that's the covenant love part that God demonstrates towards us that it's a choice to love someone and to do the things you're supposed to do, even if feelings don't match up. Right. It's why marriage is the way that it is. Marriage is not based on feelings. Marriage is a covenant choice commitment that says, I'm gonna stick with you even when my feelings don't match up.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:17]:
And so it might even be a greater version of love. Like you're saying when you're doing the thing to provide for the kid, but you don't, like, feel like you're enjoying it. Maybe that's a greater sacrifice or a greater selflessness. Cause it's not about you enjoying it. You're right. It's about you doing the thing that God has called you to do with this baby that's been entrusted to you. And to encourage again, we oftentimes when we feel deep things, our first reaction is, oh, no, this is my new reality, and this is gonna be forever. We've talked about this before for other stuff, too.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:54]:
And I would imagine that the postpartum feelings, you would tell yourself, like, oh, this is gonna last forever. This is my new normal. And that's not true. All of this stuff changes. So if you're not loving something right now, there's a time coming where you will love it or, you know, you'll grow to like it more. You have to just give it time. But, yeah. Yeah, that's a great point.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:17]:
What were. What do you feel like postpartum more? So less about, like, maybe your feelings, like with Waylon, but, like, what? Postpartum has been what you expected and what you didn't expect. Maybe, like, emotionally or, like, how it's felt.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:34]:
Well, what's fun, we haven't really talked about this. I think we maybe did an episode where we kind of talked birth plan. But what's Funny is we could also.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:44]:
We should go into that, too.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:46]:
Well, I think that is the biggest part of that for me is, is that we had talked about every sort of possibility for a birth plan, but for whatever reason, we just never talked about a C section being something that we would do. And I don't really know why we never talked about it. I think because they're not something that people just do unless you've had them before and then you can kind of plan to do them. But usually they're. They happen out of necessity. And nothing we ever experienced in our pre appointments indicated that we would need that. So the basically what. What ended up happening towards the end, which we actually batch recorded a lot of our episodes, so you kind of stopped hearing about it probably towards the end, is that we made it to like 41 or.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:36]:
Yeah, 41 weeks is what we. What we ended up going to. And they really wanted us to induce at like 39, because we had ultrasounds that were indicating that the size of the baby was going to be. It was the 89, 89th percentile. So almost 90. And at 90%, they start to ask you, you know, hey, would you ever consider a C section? Or, you know, would you consider being induced early? Because the baby never gets smaller, it always gets bigger, and the bulk of its growth happens towards the end of your pregnancy anyways. Yeah. So all that to say we knew that the baby was measuring bigger.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:12]:
But also, your later ultrasounds are never accurate. The later you go in pregnancy, the less accurate picture they can get of the baby. They know this. They tell you this. So it's funny to me that this even happened this way. But we ended up going 41 weeks almost, and we decided not to get induced. We wanted to try to go into labor naturally. So then talk to our doctor.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:37]:
And our doctor's like, I'm totally fine with you waiting to be induced, but I do think that you should go back in for one more ultrasound to see if the baby has enough amniotic fluid, if everything's still normal, if the size is still looking like 89 percentile. So we go back in and do one more ultrasound at like 40 weeks and five days. And the ultrasound technician looks at me, and they're not supposed to interpret data for you. An ultrasound tech is just supposed to do the ultrasound. They send it to the doctor. The doctor talks to you. Ultrasound technician is not supposed to say anything to you. She looks at me and she's like, oh, they're going to change your birth plan.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:15]:
Your baby's measuring 96th percentile now. She was like, this is a big baby. And it was such a, like, shock to me because, like, obviously I knew that he was bigger, but my OB had just been saying, like, you know, you have a good pelvis. He might be bigger, but I think. I think you can do it.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:35]:
You can make it work.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:37]:
She had never pushed a C section on us. She never made it sound like that was something we were supposed to do. Then the ultrasound tech is telling me, this is a big baby. You're going to have to change your approach probably to this. And. And so then we get on the phone with our ob, and this is the night before we end up delivering. And we talked to her on the phone for 35 minutes, probably the most time we've ever spent with her going back and forth about what we were supposed to do. And if you've given birth before and you know all the risks, there's possibilities of all kinds of stuff happening.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:08]:
But if size is a factor, then what they're worried about is the baby getting stuck. And that causes a lot of problems for both mom, baby hemorrhaging, all this stuff. What they were trying to avoid was the baby not being able to come out because of his size. And so at the end of the call, she says, the very safest thing you can do for your baby is to deliver him the SC section. And that was kind of the conversation stopper for me because I wanted to try vaginally. I wanted to, like, even if I just tried it and we tried to make it work, and if at the end it didn't, we could switch to a C section, but that actually isn't how it works. Like, usually there are times where you don't even know if you can't deliver vaginally until you're already pushing, and then you have to do an emergency C section. For all the people that are listening to this, I hate to put scenarios in your head, but I'm just explaining so you kind of know where we were at in our heads.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:02]:
I was of the mindset that I was down to try for a vaginal delivery until she says, the safest thing for your baby is a C section. And then I thought, in my head, if something happened to him, I won't be able to look back at this and feel good about going against what the doctor was saying to do. So the night before, we scheduled a C section for, like, noon the next day, and that's what we decided to do. So with that, I think everything about birth was different than what we thought it would be. All the stuff that I bought, all the plans that we had, we hired a doula to help us through the birth process. We had all these plans and things. We had an experience we were planning on having, but we had a very flexible plan for that even.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:47]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:48]:
And then it just felt like it was a totally different thing. So then post birth, my experience, the hard parts of my experience have been adjusting to a brand new plan that we just didn't have. We hadn't thought about before. So there was like some morning with that, and then I have never had surgery before. So then all of a sudden you're recovering from major abdominal surgery. And that has been different than I expected to. And so I think with postpartum, it's looked a lot different than I thought it was going to because I knew I was going to be in pain, like in a certain area. But actually my pain has been more of like a full body recovery experience.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:35]:
And you're starting all the mom stuff at the same time. So, yeah, I feel okay.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:42]:
Here's your first surgery. Now can you learn all this other stuff and take care of another person while you're recovering?
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:48]:
And you don't sleep Right. So it's like all the stuff what.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:51]:
Your body does to restore.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:53]:
To restore. Yeah. And so when I think about all of that, I think, yeah, none of this really went how I thought it was going to. And there have been great moments. There have also been really hard moments where I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, I am giving everything that I have and I still feel like I'm kind of like a shell of myself right now. So that's been hard. I think my expectation for postpartum motherhood is that I would come into this new version of myself and it would feel really normal and natural, like not. Not like everybody else's experience, but it would feel normal and natural to me, like I would find my footing and I haven't.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:35]:
And it doesn't feel like that. At least it hasn't felt like that to me. It's just felt like I'm out of my body or I'm out of my normal version of my body. I will say, though, that there's been so much blessing in that too. Like things that God's taught me in ways that God has provided for me that I also never expected because we didn't plan on doing it this way. And so I see God's provision and timing and purpose in all of this. He's safe and healthy. I could not have asked for a better outcome.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:05]:
But it definitely is different than I expected in all the ways. And so there's been some sad parts to that too, I guess. Yeah, if that answers the question. But.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:15]:
No, that totally answers the question. Do you. It's kind of funny looking back. Like, I re. Listened to one of our episodes because I was gonna grab clips for it, listening to the one where we talked about, like, I think it was one of your last episodes talking about, like, birth plans and all that kind of stuff. And you're like, we just, like, don't have, like, an exact birth plan, and I don't know why and all this stuff. And I'm like, it's so funny how some of the things that you were like, oh, shoot, should we have gone to all the birthing classes? And it's like, it's funny that God's. Like, you didn't even need.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:48]:
Like, you didn't need that, you know, like, he wasn't. I think it was almost a good thing that you didn't even go to some of those things, so it wouldn't have gotten your hopes up even more on that. But I think. I think that's hard whenever you have, like, a plan for something, especially when it comes to, like, recovery and what you kind of thought that would be like. And then when it's not that, it's just this, like, oh, man, I'm already. Whether you have a. If you have a natural birth, I think recovery from that is really tough. But then adding on the surgery element and all that is just.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:24]:
It is really hard. And it is hard to be like, oh, this. Like, it also changed your guys date probably on when you could go home for Christmas, and you weren't able to do that. But it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:35]:
Which we talked about that too, in a podcast episode, and I was like, I have a feeling. Yeah, isn't that crazy?
Leslie Johnston [00:34:43]:
It was so interesting how God was preparing you for it, which is good to, like, look back probably, and go, okay, I'm glad that God was, like, aware and he was trying to help me, like, be aware of this. But it still doesn't make it easier, you know, that you have to go through it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:59]:
Yeah, it's. It was really sweet, too, because I. I'm assuming this is when you guys did this, but we have just the best friends ever. And. And that, you know, when we first got pregnant, I was like, oh, man, this is. This sucks. Not. This doesn't suck because we're pregnant.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:16]:
It sucks because we have these Great friends. And we're doing this, you know, we're going first, and you always feel like, oh, that's gonna be lonely. And it's felt the opposite of that. But, like, I think when we went into labor, you guys, the girls came over to our house, fully cleaned our house up, got everything organized, and you left sticky notes all around our house. And it was like just the coolest experience to get to like, walk around freshly postpartum, exhausted, recovering, and to read some of the things that were written because they weren't just. They meant, they meant so much more than, I think what they would have meant had I just been, you know, I. I did not have a great C section experience. And I'm not going to talk about it because I have anxiety.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:02]:
And when people describe their experiences to me, I either have them or obsessed about the fact that I'm going to have them. So for all the anxious girls, I'm gonna spare you. But I didn't have a great experience.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:12]:
I have learned that C sections are no joke. To give you and all the moms credit, I'm like, man, I had no idea. I used to think I wanted one totally to go through the birth, and then now I'm like, oh, it's a.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:25]:
Lot more, it's more extensive. But yeah, I will say that, like, to the C section moms, you are a, you are just as much of a warrior as all of the other moms in the other deliveries.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:37]:
100%, that is.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:39]:
It was crazy, but it was like the amount of it, just those sticky notes and what they said meant so much more to me. Like, they were all very gospel centered, you know, like, you need to have grace for yourself. You need to, you know, like, be. Be soft on yourself. You're doing the best that you can. Like, you know, you won't always be this tired. All these really sweet sticky notes. And I remember thinking in those moments where you, you're not doing, you're not at your best, you're not doing your best, you're just doing what you can do.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:10]:
The mom guilt part of you says, oh, no, these are their formative weeks. And you're, you're not your full self, you're not your best energy self. But actually it's like science says they can't really even see you yet. Like, all you kind of are is food and diaper changes to them and like, just life. They only can see high contrast images and you're like, oh, maybe this is also part of God's design that, like, yes, it's the formative, formative months. But also, they can't see you yet, so maybe this is your time to recover. And then once they can see you, you can be at full energy, ready to go get on the ground and play all that kind of stuff. So.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:52]:
Yeah. Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:54]:
It's like God knew that this would be the. Like, I. I feel like I learned something a little while back where they said, like, the. And I don't know if this is true. They're not a scientist, but it was like, the human race is the only, like, species, basically, that delivers a baby before it's actually able to, like, live in the world.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:17]:
Like, Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:18]:
It's like, we are the only ones who. It's like, we come out as this, like, helpless thing. Most animals, they're, like, giving birth. Nothing's walking in, like, five hours.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:28]:
No. Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:29]:
It's eating on its own. It's doing all this stuff. It's like, yeah. Babies are the only thing that are, like, they come out and they. They need. They. They're like, they can't live on their own for everything.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:39]:
They're learning everything.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:41]:
Literally almost everything. So it's so crazy, which I'm sure there was, like, a whole plan in that with Jesus and all this stuff. Like, we know the meaning is there, but you're right. We almost come out where it's like, oh, we need a couple simple things and someone to hold us. And I think God knew that. That's kind of, like, the extent that moms could offer in those first, like, couple months, you know?
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:07]:
Yes. I will say these are the two things I think I've learned about God through the. Through this experience. Regardless of how your birth goes, whether you had a vaginal delivery, a C section delivery, some people have a combination of both. They are extra warriors because they push and then they have to do the C section. Then you have both recoveries happening. I'm like, some people are built different, and God knew that it wasn't me. But I think that the experience of giving birth is really beautiful.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:38]:
It's also incredibly challenging and requires so much faith and so much dependence on God. And I've learned a lot about God's protection and his closeness to you, especially when life is really hard or very demanding or even scary. Very unknown. Right. Like, I've never felt God's hand provision or presence. Like, I have over the course of the past couple of weeks when it's been some of the most, like, physically demanding and exhausting moments. So the scripture that says that. That God is Close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:18]:
I haven't felt brokenhearted, but there are times where I've definitely felt a little bit more crushed than I normally am. And the closeness of God has been not only a blessing, but it's been like, oh, you are exactly who you've always said that you are. And I haven't been through a ton of life experiences that have caused me to lean in at such a physical level with this truth. But it is very true. The second thing that's really good. Yeah. And that's all. It's all God.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:46]:
And I don't know how people do this stuff without God. But the second thing is when he says in His Word that His ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. I look at like some of those instances we just talked about where it's like, I haven't really thought much about birth and I don't know why, or I have this feeling that God's going to ask me to be very flexible with our holiday plans, like, and not knowing the full picture at that time, but now realizing, oh, God was God was preparing because he has the bigger picture in mind. I think regardless of what your birth experience feels like, if it goes not the way that you thought it was going to, which I think is probably a guarantee for all moms that are delivering because there's always a surprise along the way. There is something that God wants to accomplish in all of that that's bigger than you and is better for you and for me because of some of the complications that we have with the C section. I was pretty like out of it for a lot of the key moments. So I didn't get to hold Waylon until maybe like 15 to 20 minutes after he was born. Which is interesting cuz you're supposed to do skin to skin right away, even with a C section.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:00]:
But I wasn't able to because of some of those complications. And so Benji was a single dad who works two jobs for the first like 15, 20 minutes of his life. And I was aware enough to watch Benji in those moments, like as he's crying and holding his baby and very excited and trimming the umbilical cord and also jumping over and taking care of me and asking what I need and bringing the baby as close to me as he possibly. He was like a superman. Like, I've never looked at Benji and been so in awe or in love with him. Like I was, I was his biggest fan. I was like, he is Everything right now. And then in hindsight, he says the same thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:42]:
He's like, I've never been more attracted to you. I've never thought higher of you than watching you sacrifice yourself and your body to bring this life into the world. And in the weeks following birth, we have been more on the same team, more like, bonded, more in love than I think we ever have in our entire marriage. And that's a cool thing to go through, too, because I don't know that we would have had that same experience had everything been a different way.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:13]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:43:14]:
But, yeah, to be like, so bonded going into your first time as parents. And for Waylon to get to see such a united front and for us to just have good teammates in each other, it just felt like God did something cool in our marriage by the way that things happened and in the way that they happened. So I don't know, I just think that God always has better things up his sleeve than we're aware of. That doesn't make it easy to trust Him.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:39]:
But, yeah, we tend to want the easy. Like, we always think, like, okay, what's like, the easiest thing that can happen for me or the thing that's most convenient or the thing that would cause me the less least painful.
Morgan May Treuil [00:43:52]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:53]:
But it's like God kind of goes, no, no, I see something that you want more, though, and this is my avenue to that, so. Or I'm going to let this thing happen because I know the good that will come from it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:03]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:04]:
And so that is like a really. That is a great lesson in going. We can make our plans, but if we trust that God knows us well enough to know what we really need, his plan will be greater than the one that we have.
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:19]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:20]:
Which I think is so good to think about for every. I mean, every person, but every mom, especially going into, like, delivery and all that, what that looks like. And that. Yeah, you're right. That is such a cool experience that you wouldn't probably have had if it didn't go the way it did.
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:35]:
Yeah. I started a Bible reading plan. Really, like, right before, right when Waylon came, because I remember, you remember Candace Cameron Bray on the podcast saying that she had some of her most rich Bible times during maternity leave. And I don't remember how. I don't remember how she did it, but she was saying that, like, during those late night feeding times or whatever, she, like, really got into her word. And I remember thinking, I think that's a really cool way to redeem. Not that that time is wasted because you're feeding your baby, but to, like, redeem that still time back. And so I was like, I can't have my physical Bible out.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:09]:
I can't really have a journal out because you're feeding them, but I can have my phone and I can just read the Bible out loud to him and to me. And so I started this new plan. And one of the first books in the plan, I think it's a chronological study, is Job. And so I'm like, starting to read the Bible to Whalen out loud. And I'm like, sorry, bud. This is like, not the most. This is not the most encouraging content.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:33]:
Entire family died.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:34]:
Yes. No, literally. And I'm like, this. I'm like, kind of making little side comments of, like, it's not all like this. Don't worry, it's going to get better. But it was funny timing, right? Like, that Job was kind of the first. The first thing that we were reading. And it's very interesting how, like, obviously the scripture, that book starts out by Job being awesome and loving God and the enemy approaching God and wanting to try to basically take away Job's faith by causing bad things to happen to him.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:05]:
So you see that there's partial enemy influence in what happens to Job in his life. But also the way that it's written and the way that Job speaks, he's very clear that he knows that God is allowing this. And he feels very personally offended and personally hurt by the fact that God is allowing for this to happen. That, like, the suffering that is falling onto him is not outside of God's jurisdiction. It's very much in God's jurisdiction for him to experience the hardship that he's experiencing. And I have read Job before, so I knew that that was part of it. But in this season, it felt a little bit different just because of some of the, like, more physical, harder parts of recovery and. Yeah, like, the fact that God has purpose and beauty and redemption even in allowing us to go through stuff that feels hard.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:57]:
Like, just because something is hard does not mean that it's outside of God's jurisdiction or outside of God's redemptive plan for you. Because if you get to the end of Job's story, you see that Job's life actually got better, like, 10 times what it even was after he had withstood the test of suffering. And he trusted and loved God through it. And so anyways, all that to say, like, yeah, I think we tend to think, oh, things are going off the rails when I'm suffering or when I'M feeling something hard. God's plan must not be involved in this. But actually that is the opposite of true that there's some really beautiful stuff that can happen within suffering and within pain and hardship and exhaustion. And you miss it if you don't lean into that. But that can be a hard thing to lean into because you tend to just wish for that season to be over.
Leslie Johnston [00:47:46]:
Yes. That made me think about the verse that you were talking about. The verse of the day today is in Second Corinthians, but I scrolled up in the passage and it says it's the verse. It's like we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, Perplexed, but not in despair. Persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus's sake, so that his life may be also revealed in our mortal body. But it's just cool to be like, oh, there's more.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:23]:
Like there is more to pain than just pain being pain, you know?
Morgan May Treuil [00:48:28]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:28]:
And I think there's opportunities to go, okay, why is this happening? And is there a greater good for it? You know?
Morgan May Treuil [00:48:38]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:39]:
Which is really cool.
Morgan May Treuil [00:48:40]:
Anybody who's been through something hard or painful or exhausting comes out on the other side and you can tell that they've walked deeply with God and that their character has been refined because of what they've went through. No one wants to go through suffering. But the people who have, they're at a different. They're at a different depth. They see God differently. Their perspective is changed. They're a deeper person. And I think that, yeah, like, I tend to avoid suffering like the plague because I don't want to suffer.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:11]:
Who wants.
Morgan May Treuil [00:49:12]:
Who wants that? But the depth, the depth that's found within that, the closeness to God, I think in some ways, like, that's part of God's plan of redemption for a fallen and broken world. If the world's going to be fallen and broken and riddled with sickness and death and suffering, then at least I'm going to make it worthwhile and let people experience me in this really deep and profound way through it.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:36]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:49:37]:
Because that will be redeeming for them. Then suffering has purpose. Then it's not just bad things happen.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:44]:
Yeah. How do you feel? Like you have dealt with some of, like, the anxiety post birth, like, because now it's like. I mean, I would imagine because you and I are similar in this way. Like, we're always a little like, oh, no, I have this feeling and it's probably something horrible. Or like you go from going, I have a little bit of anxiety about my own self. And now it's like, you have this other baby now who's like, outside of you, who, like, is that like an added. Like, how do you feel like you have handled that side of things or how's that been?
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:20]:
Yeah, I think this is not going to be an inspiring answer. This is actually more vulnerable. But this has been the hardest part, I think, is you kind of. I would have thought that all of my anxiety for myself would have faded and I would have been solely focused on all of my anxiety for him. And that's a huge part of it. I take his temperature every 20 minutes. I always think he's choking. Like, that is all real.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:45]:
Yeah. So I cried like earlier today because I was like staring at him and I was like, I feel like I'm missing him growing up and I'm literally staring at him. So it's like, I'm not missing it. I'm literally right in the middle of it and I feel like I'm missing it. But then in addition to that, I've had a lot of like post op complicated stuff in my body where I don't feel well and have experienced some pain where I'm like, I've never felt anything like this. This must be a pulmonary embolism. This must be a stroke.
Leslie Johnston [00:51:16]:
This must be like, this is the end.
Morgan May Treuil [00:51:18]:
It's all the worst case stuff. But all of a sudden, for the first time in my life, it's like, oh, no, no. That actually is a complication that people have post abdominal surgery. So it's like, now I've got valid reasons.
Leslie Johnston [00:51:29]:
You're like, it always just used to be in my head and there was no possibility. And it still scared me and not the way that they a possibility.
Morgan May Treuil [00:51:36]:
I was telling my mom yesterday because her strategy for me growing up was always like, I thought something was going to happen to me. And her strategy was like, no, that's not possible. It's not going to happen. And that would tell my brain, like, stop worrying about it, you're okay. Like, she told me, you can't throw up with braces. It's physically impossible. And so for eight years of braces, I never threw up because I thought it's physically impossible.
Leslie Johnston [00:51:59]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:51:59]:
And so I kind of like, up until pregnancy, I thought all the stuff I'm worried about happening is never going to actually happen to me.
Leslie Johnston [00:52:08]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:52:09]:
Then I got pregnant and then I had Waylon and I realized, oh, actually, everything I was scared of happening did happen. Yes. And then. And then what? Right? Because I've always thought, oh, I'm just scared of stuff that doesn't exist. I can rationalize out of that by thinking, yeah, but. But it's never going to happen. Okay, well, what happens when the thing that you're scared of happening happens and then your perspective changes because you realized, oh, it happened and I survived and it didn't destroy me. It didn't take me out.
Morgan May Treuil [00:52:39]:
It was. It was terrible, but it was okay at the end. Yeah. So all that to say. I feel like right now I'm at kind of an all time high of self anxiety, self health anxiety, and then him anxiety, and they're all kind of like piling up on each other. But moms are telling me that that lessens over time. So I think it might just be a waiting game of let your hormones relax and ease into your new role as a mom and as a caretaker. Give yourself some time and surround yourself with people who are going to speak what is true.
Morgan May Treuil [00:53:21]:
Because it's not like the worst can't happen. The worst can happen, but it's not always helpful or efficient to worry about everything being the worst thing that could happen. Because you waste a lot of time that way.
Leslie Johnston [00:53:36]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:53:37]:
So I don't think I had that figured out. I feel like I'm right in the thick of that. So I'll report back if I feel like there's any helpful tips or tricks. But right now it just feels like. Yeah. That what you just described. Yeah. That's what I'm in right now.
Leslie Johnston [00:53:49]:
That's kind of it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:53:50]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:53:50]:
Which I think is. Is most people go through that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:53:55]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:53:56]:
And then you add on the fact that you are already kind of a highly anxious person.
Morgan May Treuil [00:54:00]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:54:01]:
Then if it's like, yeah, it makes sense. It does. I don't think. I think it will lessen when, like, hormones and all that get to like, start to. And then you start figuring things out. Like, you go, oh, you know what, Waylon? Like, this is just what he does. Or this is why I might be scared about this. But.
Leslie Johnston [00:54:21]:
Yeah, so. Okay, well, report back because I think everybody probably who's a mom is like, yep, I totally feel the same way.
Morgan May Treuil [00:54:30]:
Well, and I think that's the thing that scares you about becoming. That was the thing that scared me about becoming a mom, is I already feel this to my brim. How am I supposed to add a whole other person to worry about, you know? And I. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't have. I don't have the answer for that, other than, you know, it's been three weeks, so clearly something just kind of like, even when you feel scared, you can still do it scared, right? Yes. But.
Morgan May Treuil [00:54:56]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:54:58]:
And it's one of our main. I feel like that's one of our main takeaways from, like, almost any time we talk about anxiety, is it like. It's like, okay, but I'm not gonna let this stop me from doing what I'm supposed to do.
Morgan May Treuil [00:55:10]:
So I could be on a T shirt.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:12]:
Same thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:55:12]:
Yeah. Yeah. That should be on some of our merch.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:16]:
Do it scared. But it's almost like, yeah, do it when you really feel like you can't, but you still do it, you know? Exactly. I think. Yeah. I think God probably will teach you a lot through that in these next coming months, too, where it's like, I bet in, like, a couple months, you'll be like, oh, my gosh, God has taught me so much through all this, and there was even a reason why I felt that way, but God was using it for, you know, whatever plans he has for it, so.
Morgan May Treuil [00:55:44]:
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:46]:
That is hard, for sure.
Morgan May Treuil [00:55:48]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:48]:
But just anxiety times two.
Morgan May Treuil [00:55:52]:
Anxiety times two for me and for somebody else.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:57]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:55:57]:
But there's been a. There's a lot of. A lot of really great opportunities to lean in to. To God. And I. I feel like I've taken advantage of that only because I feel like I've got no other options. Like, this is. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:13]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:13]:
You know, so.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:15]:
And I love what you said about your pregnancy, where literally everything that you were afraid of pretty much did happen.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:24]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:24]:
Whether it was in pregnancy or in your birth.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:27]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:27]:
Like, is crazy. And. But you're right. It's. Instead of looking at that, like, well, see, like, the bad stuff did happen to me, and I. I worried about it. It did happen. It's like, no, you're sitting here on the other side of it going, okay, it did happen.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:42]:
It did crush me a little bit. But I'm here and I got through it, and I'm fine. Like, I'm still me. I'm still, like, you know, like, things are up and down, but I'm still, like, happy and healthy and I'm on the other side of it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:57]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:57]:
So it's like, I think that will be the same because sometimes it doesn't help. Like, for Me, at least when. When I'm freaked out about something and someone's like, well, it's probably not going to happen. And I'm like, that's not helpful because it could happen. Like, yeah, there's like a shred. Like, I could be the 1% or I could be whatever that happens to. But it's like the goal is not like, oh, nothing bad will ever happen to you. It's that even if those things happen, you're a lot stronger than you think you are.
Leslie Johnston [00:57:28]:
God is a lot stronger than you think he is. And you can get through a lot of these things. Action. And it's actually not as bad as maybe as your mind is making it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:57:38]:
Yeah, yeah, A hundred percent. And there's also the benefit too, of, like, when you get on the other side of some of those worst case scenarios, there are other things that lose their fear points in your brain. You know, like, once you go through something hard, there are other things that you used to worry about that are less hard than that. And you're like, if I survive that, I can. I'm not worried about those things anymore, you know? Yes. I think when you go through nothing.
Leslie Johnston [00:58:04]:
Like getting over a fear with a new one.
Morgan May Treuil [00:58:06]:
Oh, 100%. Yeah. Like, there is. There is something to that. When. When you haven't really gone through much, you don't have a grid for what that feels like. So you're just so scared of all of it. When you go through some of it, you're like, oh, okay, then I can.
Morgan May Treuil [00:58:23]:
I can do that because I did this. And those don't feel that far off. Or one of those feels worse than the other.
Leslie Johnston [00:58:29]:
Yes. Oh, man.
Morgan May Treuil [00:58:31]:
I have to feed him again now.
Leslie Johnston [00:58:34]:
So I see him before. Before you go.
Morgan May Treuil [00:58:36]:
Yes, we promise listeners.
Leslie Johnston [00:58:39]:
Yes, Wayland Content.
Morgan May Treuil [00:58:41]:
Hold on one second.
Leslie Johnston [00:58:42]:
Okay, I hear. I think he might be upset, but you guys will see him in his natural.
Morgan May Treuil [00:58:51]:
Who hasn't?
Leslie Johnston [00:59:00]:
Little Waylon. You guys, he is so cute. He's the squishiest little guy and he's just the cutest.
Morgan May Treuil [00:59:13]:
Oh, wow, Waylon.
Leslie Johnston [00:59:19]:
Did he get a little outfit change?
Morgan May Treuil [00:59:23]:
Hold on. You're okay.
Leslie Johnston [00:59:26]:
You're okay.
Morgan May Treuil [00:59:28]:
You're okay. Okay.
Leslie Johnston [00:59:31]:
First time on the podcast.
Morgan May Treuil [00:59:33]:
These are actually a hack because I can't hear him cry that much. He peed and pooped through something already and he's very hungry, so he's gonna cry about it.
Leslie Johnston [00:59:44]:
Texas longhorn.
Morgan May Treuil [00:59:46]:
Texas longhorn. He's gonna cry. This is Waylon. Am I doing this right? Oh, he's so unhappy, though.
Leslie Johnston [00:59:59]:
He's still Waylon. I wish he could hear me.
Morgan May Treuil [01:00:01]:
I know.
Leslie Johnston [01:00:02]:
Headphones on.
Morgan May Treuil [01:00:03]:
I guess I could unplug him.
Leslie Johnston [01:00:06]:
He's probably like, I've heard these girls for nine months.
Morgan May Treuil [01:00:09]:
This is exhausting.
Leslie Johnston [01:00:11]:
Okay, we're gonna go.
Morgan May Treuil [01:00:12]:
We're gonna go.
Leslie Johnston [01:00:14]:
All right. Well, listeners, this is Waylon signing off.
Morgan May Treuil [01:00:19]:
Thanks for joining us this week on Am I Doing this Right? He's tangled up. And we'll see you guys next time. Love you guys. Okay, bye, guys.
Leslie Johnston [01:00:29]:
Everybody.