Leslie Johnston [00:00:00]:
All right, welcome back to am I doing this right? Morgan and I have a very special guest. This is actually our most asked for guest.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:08]:
Most requested guest.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:09]:
Most requested. We have Erin Clark with us.
Erin Clark [00:00:12]:
Drumroll.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:16]:
The drum rolls happen after, right?
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:18]:
Yeah. Erin Clark.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:20]:
Erin Clark is with us. And if you are watching on Spotify, which you can actually watch on Spotify, and I think on YouTube. Apple, I don't think you can. But Erin just looks awesome. She's got, like, a cool blazer with a pants.
Erin Clark [00:00:31]:
I don't get it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:32]:
And shoes.
Erin Clark [00:00:34]:
I was like, wait.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:36]:
My question is, if you follow Erin, would you garden in this outfit? Cause you posted yesterday that you'll do all housework, garden everything in your nice place.
Erin Clark [00:00:45]:
That's true. So my plan, literally from here is I'm going back to the garden store to pick up a couple more plants and soil.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:52]:
I love that.
Erin Clark [00:00:52]:
Literally in this outfit. And then when I get home, it will depend because, well, this might be a little different. Cause it's a blazer's there. Not. But I'll just take the blazer off and. Yeah. Because for me, it's actually probably laziness. It's like, why would I go up the steps to my room to change my outfit.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:11]:
Yes.
Erin Clark [00:01:12]:
When I'm gonna have to wash it anyways?
Leslie Johnston [00:01:14]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:01:14]:
So that's fair. For me, it's convenience.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:16]:
What do you think?
Leslie Johnston [00:01:17]:
It's like, I'm already doing the work of gardening, so why am I gonna add more work by going and changing my clothes?
Erin Clark [00:01:22]:
Yeah, no, that's not gonna happen.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:24]:
What are you gardening?
Erin Clark [00:01:26]:
We just put in a long table dinner area. We love entertaining. And so to do that, we needed to put pebbles. And so the pebbles had to stay on that side. So then I dreamt up this planter box, and so I've planted an olive tree and lavender, which apparently all attract bees, so it could be a crazy summer. This is also how I work. I'm like, well, we'll deal with that issue later. That's gonna look really pretty.
Erin Clark [00:01:54]:
I just had to go on the visual, and it looks like. So my dream is, like, a Mediterranean. My vibe is whenever people come over, whether it's in my house or outside, that they just come in and are like. Like, they can leave their cares, and immediately you can just enter, like, conversations and connection with one another without chaos. Now, usually it's probably just chaos that lives in my head, like, when I see stuff out of place. But, yeah, so my. My goal is always, when I'm thinking of those things is to just create environments for when, like, my kids friends come over, when people from the church come over, when our neighbors come over, that they feel like they're. They've escaped to a world that's just.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:36]:
Like, okay, I love it.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:38]:
That's totally how I feel when I'm at their house.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:41]:
Yeah. Oh, I feel the same way. It feels like you've been transported to another world, and there's an art to that that I feel like we probably need to talk about on this podcast in the way that things look and feel and what you're tasting and smelling. Like you have a whole thing going on in your house that transports people.
Erin Clark [00:02:59]:
Super deliberate. It doesn't just happen. It's very intentional to me. I always want to feel. I just read a book not long ago by Jamie Winship. It's just phenomenal voice on identity and who you are and who God, who did he place in you to be? What is your identity? It's not out of what you do, but you do what you do, because these things are already placed in you. And it's this whole journey that he, like, takes you on. And this word that just kept coming up is, like, seen, like my job.
Erin Clark [00:03:34]:
So the core of my identity is to make people feel seen and feel this sense of belonging, because ultimately, that points them to who Christ is. And ultimately, he wants us to be seen and known because of who he is. And then everything that I do comes out of that. So when I'm seeing someone on the street and I meet meeting new people, it's like, okay, like, literally, my goal of what God's calling me to do is to make them feel seen. When I'm with you, you're seen. And so, for me, the home is a reflection of that. I want people to come in and feel like they're at home. And, I mean, a lot of people that pass through our home, our home has very much an open door policy.
Erin Clark [00:04:18]:
And a lot of people that pass through, like, you don't know the hurt that's going on in their lives. You don't know the turmoil or the chaos that's in their world. So if even for just, like, a couple hours, that they can come in and feel a sense of belonging, it does something within us. As human beings, we all want to be seen. We all want to be known. And so my environment, I know some people don't get it. Sometimes they'll probably think, like, I've been called Bougie by my own extended family. I get all that.
Erin Clark [00:04:56]:
And for me, it's not about a certain look. That is not my thing. I don't think everybody should have the same aesthetic. I don't think everybody should value the same visual of a couch. You get comments on this chair all the time. I love this chair. Someone else might not love this chair. It's not about that to me.
Erin Clark [00:05:15]:
It's about this holistic approach of, like, it sounds silly, but, like, how does your house smell? Like when you walk in and you smell cookies baking in a house, you're like, oh, my God. It's like something sweet's happening here. I like this. The lighting in your home, it matters, so it doesn't matter. I remember our first home that mark and I ever lived in. It was like this basement apartment. The carpet was literally, like, bare thread. There was concrete under the floor that we were seeing, and it just felt like home.
Erin Clark [00:05:50]:
And I made it our home because I believe any. Any house, any style, any amount of money, whatever your budget is, our responsibility is to make that house feel like a home. Because I want. We all go out and we get that there's chaos in the world. We get, like, when we go to work, there's stresses and all of that. And I want my husband, I want my kids, I want whoever enters my home to just come in. And this is a saying that was coined by one of my friends. It's like, they come in, they drop their bags, and they're like, I'm safe, I'm happy, and I like it here.
Erin Clark [00:06:25]:
And that's my ultimate goal.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:27]:
That's so good. That's what I'm trying to figure out with my house is like, I have a 1200 square foot house, and there's projects that need to be done, but obviously money is.
Erin Clark [00:06:38]:
Money matters, too.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:39]:
Money climbs, and I'm trying to figure out now, like, I went from being in such a big space in this rental home that was double or triple the size of it to now 1200 square feet, which actually, I know is still big. It has three bedrooms, but there's not a ton. Like, I'm just not sure how to go to a small space and fill it, but not make it feel cramped, you know?
Erin Clark [00:07:00]:
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:01]:
So I'm gonna have Erin Clark come to my house. You need to start a school. Erin's school of hospitality.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:07]:
Yeah, you should do.
Erin Clark [00:07:09]:
That's literally what I have a dream of, but I never thought of the classes. I love it like that.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:13]:
Like, if you had people over to your home, oh, my God. And you do like a.
Erin Clark [00:07:17]:
This is what I need, is another big project. No, like, I think two a day.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:22]:
We, like, a four.
Erin Clark [00:07:23]:
Brilliant class.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:25]:
And each week is emphasizing, like, one week is about food. One week is about, like, the style. One week is about, like, how to entertain and how to be a good host, but also, oh, my gosh, I'm actually. Can I event plan this for you?
Erin Clark [00:07:37]:
I'm loving this so much.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:39]:
I really like this. I would attend this, like, you are.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:42]:
Like, incredibly gifted at that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:44]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:07:44]:
Thank you. It's taken work, and it's taken. Definitely.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:46]:
And I'll be your first definite intention.
Erin Clark [00:07:48]:
Definitely. I am totally in, because I do feel like a lot of people, it holds them back because of just their lack of the fear of, like, I don't know how to do this right, and there is no right way, but there is kind of, like, when you're showing up at the house, and, like, for me, it goes as far as now I'm gonna sound kind of like. People are gonna be like, wow, she is. She is something. But even for me, like, glassware matters. So, like, I was at somebody's house once, and we're, like, having nice conversation. It's fine. And I was like, they didn't offer to drink or whatnot, which is fine.
Erin Clark [00:08:24]:
But we were there for, like, a formal evening, and I was parched, and I was like, hey, can I get a glass of water? And they were like, yeah. And they just kind of, like, reached down and grabbed the first thing that they could find, and they handed me a mug and then turned on her sink and just threw, which I drink water out of a sink. That's fine.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:44]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:08:44]:
But usually at that stage in my life, I had a cherry glass, and I would have a certain amount of ice cubes and the water to a certain thing, and once ice cubes melt for me, I can never drink the water again. Like, it's done.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:55]:
It's so funny.
Erin Clark [00:08:56]:
I have this weird thing, and then here they are handing me a mug with, like, tepid tap water, and I looked down at it, and I was like, what do I do in this situation? Like, we knew them well enough, but not, like, super close, and I was like, I can't drink that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:15]:
You told them that, which is, who does that?
Erin Clark [00:09:17]:
Like, who does that? And they're like, what? And I'm like, can't drink water out of a mug. Mugs are for hot things. Like, I can't. And it's so, like, such a stupid thing. But for me, it was like, why didn't you care to get me a water glass? Like, yeah, actually, like, water goes in a water glass.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:34]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:09:35]:
Tea goes in a mug.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:38]:
Coffee.
Erin Clark [00:09:39]:
Because that tastes. Yes, it tastes like that. And then you taste the like. And I know I have issues.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:45]:
I know I would. I would do that.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:48]:
This can be your unpopular opinion. Actually, I think that's a popular opinion, and that's why everybody choose to drink water out of a mug.
Erin Clark [00:09:54]:
Thank you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:55]:
No, I agree with you. I was also gonna say. So I was on the phone with my mom the other day, talking about she was hosting people in her home for a meal. And they're in a funny stage of life because we grew up and existed kind of in the same childhood home, same community, same church community for as long as I can remember. And then my parents have just recently, as of 2021, moved an hour north. So their entire friend group has shifted, their church has shifted, and they're, like, in the making friends season for the first time in their life again. And she was having people over for dinner, and she was asking me what she should cook. Cause it really stresses her out, of course, in her mind, to have people over.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:39]:
I'm sorry. I think I'm gonna throw up.
Erin Clark [00:10:41]:
Oh, you're right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:42]:
So I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Erin Clark [00:10:43]:
Yeah. Okay. I'm just gonna go.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:44]:
I just think I was like. I think I'm gonna throw up.
Erin Clark [00:10:47]:
Okay, go. Okay, go.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:52]:
Okay. Just kidding. I'm back. So, full context that I just gave these girls is that my anxiety medication has changed dosage, and it affects my stomach.
Erin Clark [00:11:05]:
And so when I. I'm not laughing at the fact that you're talking about anxiety medication, it's just the funny thing. You're eating, like, peanut butter pretzels right now.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:14]:
I put something in my stomach because I am.
Erin Clark [00:11:16]:
No, this is good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:18]:
I need to get good at filling my stomach before I do things. But what I was gonna say is that I told my mom, okay, yes. When she was hosting a dinner party, I said, you should take the thing. I've learned from Erin in that she does the whole dinner party, but when people are over, she stops all cooking, cleaning, whatever. Because you're like, it's most important for me to be present with people.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:42]:
That's so true.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:43]:
And so I think that is something that I strive to like. Cause I think a lot of people can get freaked out about, like, oh, but my house is a wreck, and I need to start cleaning it or putting things away. And you're like, no, all that stuff can wait till, like, later tonight or even tomorrow. I'm just gonna be with the people that are in our house. Yeah, I think that's really cool, for sure.
Erin Clark [00:11:59]:
And sometimes we get stuck on, like, the perfection. And that's one thing that, I mean, I love visual things. I love yummy, all that stuff. But sometimes if we get too held up on, okay, I need the perfect meal. I need the perfect ambiance. I need the perfect. And it's like, then you will never have people over because life happens. And I remember, like, there's so many years.
Erin Clark [00:12:20]:
I mean, I had to get really good at this, too, because of the person that I'm married to. Where, like, during our church planting years, in these early years, the amount of times, like, I have young children under two, our house is just disaster. Like, we're all creative people, so chaos. Just picture a lot of chaos everywhere. And. 04:00 p.m. consistently, almost daily, I would get a text and be like, so these families want to come over for dinner tonight. So I forgot I invited these people over, and I'd be like, okay, okay.
Erin Clark [00:13:00]:
And immediate panic just rises in me. I like control. I like to know things are in order, but at the same time, I can't say no to those things. And partly it's because I actually know the end result of those is that it actually fills me to have people over. I love, like, love it. But that immediate panic sets in. So I got really good at, like, the fast cleans of what just matters and just utter chaos of, like, just pull it together.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:29]:
Let's go.
Erin Clark [00:13:32]:
And then to go. Okay, what are the things? Like, these people are getting what's in my fridge right now. And so I got good at just pulling things together and realizing, okay, people don't care. But people do, like, home cooked meals. They do like, these things. So I'm not pulling out, like, a frozen lasagna, but, like, I talked to my sister, who's the opposite of me. Like, having people over is so stressful to her, the thought of it. And I've always just been like, what is your go to meal that, you know, you love cooking? You're good at cooking that maybe it's something that you can prepare ahead, like a lasagna.
Erin Clark [00:14:06]:
And you can have them in the freezer. And when you know people are coming over, that is your meal. The only people that know that you make that meal every single week of your life is your family. The people coming over, it's fresh. It's exciting to them. And so I'm big on that, and I'm also big on doubling up. So if I know that I have a big event one night. I will book a second the next night.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:29]:
Oh.
Erin Clark [00:14:30]:
Because all that cleanup has already happened, that deep clean the getting ready, and then I will plan the exact same meal. So, again, only my family know. So then at the end of the night.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:43]:
That's a great idea. And no one thinks about that.
Erin Clark [00:14:45]:
No idea.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:46]:
No one's idea.
Erin Clark [00:14:47]:
Yes. So I prep all the food at the same time.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:49]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:14:50]:
The same day. All the food prep happens. All the grocery shopping happens at the same time. And then the first night when it's done. And I'm also big on, like, no one does dishes at our house, because, again, I want to be with people I don't want them to like. And honestly, I hate. It's okay. Like, if that's your thing, I'll totally help in your kitchen.
Erin Clark [00:15:09]:
When I go to people's houses, I'm like, I don't want to do dishes. I just want to, like, sit and hang out, be lazy, like, and enjoy one another. So I'll just save it to the end of the night, I throw my earphones in, and I happily will clean the kitchen and do the dishes. And I also. I'm really rabbit trailing here, and I'll get back to that. But I also. And very deliberate. I mean, my family pitches in, and we do it together, but at the same time, I also don't want my kids to have this thought of, like.
Erin Clark [00:15:40]:
Cause I felt this often, like, growing up and love my parents, and they were the same. They were so hospitable. But my parents had the ability to be hospitable because we were their workhorses. And so I also try to balance that where it's like, okay, I didn't ask, like, my kids if they wanted to have 20 people over for dinner, so I include them in more. A lot of the fun stuff. Can you help me cut the potatoes? Can you help me do that stuff? And at the end of the night, they'll help me bring the stuff to the kitchen. They'll all go off to bed, and I love it. I watch my shows.
Erin Clark [00:16:15]:
I chill.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:16]:
That's fun.
Erin Clark [00:16:17]:
And so I try to find that balance that my house doesn't resent that. And my kids now have that as well, where they love being hospitable, and I see them doing it with their friends. So there's all of that. So, yes, you pick your meals, and then at the end of the night, you clean up. And then I put those same dishes just back in the same place. I do the dishwasher, and then the plates just literally just go back to the same spot, and it's really helpful to actually clear your mind. And that works for a small party. That works for a big party as well.
Erin Clark [00:16:49]:
And then having, like, just fun mixed into the night is super important, too. So Mark's big on the code names.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:57]:
We've experienced a lot of fights names at the Clarks.
Erin Clark [00:17:01]:
Absolutely. This is an idea that you all.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:03]:
Need to pursue, though. The whole, like, Erin Clark school of hospitality. Not only actually.
Erin Clark [00:17:08]:
That's actually brilliant.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:09]:
Okay. So I've been to your house a number of times, and what I love is that your house is beautiful. Your decorations are beautiful, the ambiance. But I love that you're a little bit of a bargain hunter.
Erin Clark [00:17:21]:
Oh. Oh, yeah. I've never said no to a free thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:24]:
Yes.
Erin Clark [00:17:24]:
Never. Yeah, never.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:26]:
Like, give us a little bit. Like, how do you do this all? Cause I think, like, I want to do this, but then I'm like, I don't have enough, like, you know, things that I can fill my house with to look different or to look whatever. But you do it in such a good way, and I know you do.
Erin Clark [00:17:40]:
It on a budget 100%. So throughout the years, our house has looked so many different ways. Like, so many different ways. And so obviously, we're like, we've been married for 20 years now, so I've accumulated stuff throughout the year, so now I can do this better. You can't do this when you don't have anything in your house. But because I like change and because I like stuff, I'll be like, okay, my bedroom is driving me crazy. Like, I gotta do my bedroom, but then I will be like, okay, but you have to use the stuff that's already in your house. So the amount of times that furniture just gets moved from one room to another room, but it looks brand new, all of a sudden you're like, oh, my gosh, why didn't I think of this before? This should have always been here.
Erin Clark [00:18:25]:
And that helps my mind because I am a creative who always wants to be designing and doing stuff, but I don't have things to design and create, so I just create from what I already have. And then I'm not joking that I've never said, like, no to something. So I became the person that people knew. If I don't want this, Erin will take it. Which came in handy when my friends had, like, restoration hardwood tables. And I actually have passed that on to, what if it's Christie has it, you just can redo it or whatever.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:00]:
So you take it.
Erin Clark [00:19:01]:
My people pleasing side. Because I'll take it, and I'll be like. Then I'll end up having to, like, take it to the thrift store or something because I'm like, I can't actually use it.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:10]:
Actually, my backyard table is from you.
Erin Clark [00:19:12]:
Okay, so now you have.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:13]:
Well, you gave us two. Christy got one, and I got, like, the cool concrete looking one.
Erin Clark [00:19:18]:
Oh, nice. See?
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:21]:
See?
Erin Clark [00:19:21]:
It's just gifts that keep on giving. They do. So, yeah. And then right now, like, target. That studio McGee line at Target is a game changer for me. Like, you can find beautiful, quality pieces. I love the thrift store. Oh, my gosh.
Erin Clark [00:19:38]:
The thrift store for any kind of crystal glass.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:42]:
Oh, wow.
Erin Clark [00:19:42]:
Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Like, the platters. I love all of that stuff. And then just slowly accumulating. And then also, I have a problem as well.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:56]:
So I do appreciate it.
Erin Clark [00:19:58]:
I do appreciate that you said I'm really good with budget. Cause I don't think my husband would agree.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:04]:
He would not agree.
Erin Clark [00:20:04]:
He would not agree. But I do try to be super cautious and use what we have and pull from things. I love that from that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:12]:
So we really jumped right in. I don't even know if we did your unpopular opinion, but I feel like we can maybe come back to it at the end if we want to. I was gonna say, what's cool about you is obviously, we're talking about the hospitable feeling of being in your home. But I do think one of the things that's true about you, and partially why you are one of our most requested guests, is that you're kind of a walking hospitality as a spiritual gift. I think when people are around you, they're immediately brought in. And there's something about you that feels like home. And it's not just that your home is a safe place for people to encounter each other in Jesus and feel at peace. But you in yourself, you have that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:55]:
And you have an incredible ministry. You are so many things. You're not just a wife and a mom, but you've got all these amazing business ideas. You're a teacher. You have a social media presence that inspires people. You have a bent towards, like, educating on parenting. You've got all these different pieces to you that make you such an awesome, effective minister of the gospel. And one of the things we wanted to get to the bottom of today with you is how all of that came to be.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:24]:
And we would love to hear as much of your story as you're willing to share, starting from maybe like, what upbringing was like and how you came to meet Jesus in the first place.
Erin Clark [00:21:35]:
Yeah, I love that. Yeah. With all of those things that. Thank you. That was really sweet.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:39]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:21:39]:
But all of the things that you said, it's a fascinating thing because I'm very, like, driven within my mind. I always have ideas for new businesses. I always have those things. But then I always say, like, I just said it to my friend Steph the other night. I was like, if I had, like, a staff, I could run the world. But everything stops at a certain point because I hate that I do this, but my mind, I have such, like, a confidence in my ability, but it's a false confidence because I believe I literally could do anything and I can't. And so if you actually look closely at my house, a lot of unfinished projects, a lot of. But we have this drive.
Erin Clark [00:22:25]:
And it's funny because when you have that, it seems like I do a lot. But even with this podcast, like, am I doing this right? You're often left going, like, I don't think I've accomplished anything in my life. I don't think I've done anything. So that self doubt is just this constant narrative, because. And we'll go back to, like, maybe we'll just go back, and then I'll come back to this point of this and how it affects even, like, with Mark. Because when Mark and I met, we were very much the same person, and we both had, like, this energy and this love for life and this love for people, like, life of the party. And it came to this point, at some point in our relationship, long before we were ever married, where it was like, okay, one of us has to be a little less because both of us can't be this one. Cause no one's gonna want to be in the room with us if we're both like.
Erin Clark [00:23:22]:
But also, it was like, no, like, if we're both, like, going for our own stuff, we're never going to, like, find our way. So we had to, like, it was like this natural kind of thing, which some people never quite understood. They'd be like, but did you lose yourself? And I'm like, no, I didn't lose myself, but I did have to become less for a little while so that I could help him. And then God has a way in his goodness to still, like, he knows the desires of my heart. He knows who he created me to be, but it is that constant, like, huh? Am I doing this right? Like, or am I left in the shadow? All of that kind of stuff that's real.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:57]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:23:58]:
So I was born into a christian family, and my family are the greatest examples of just this hospitable life for me. They were. Our house was a revolving door of people, so we never had a holiday where there wasn't someone at our table. The problem with it was my parents had this thing where, like, you have to hold hands to pray. And it's a tough one. It was tough. And so you're next to just this stranger with, like, clammy hands, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, I can't do this. Like, the stress of all of that.
Erin Clark [00:24:34]:
And then again, we would be the ones doing a lot of the work and stuff. And my parents were good at, like, engaging with them and stuff, which was wonderful. But our cars were always just. If we went away and our cars weren't needed, then someone else could use our cars while we're away. Like, why would they sit in my driveway the middle of the night? Like, the most caring people I saw this nonstop, lived out consistently. And they were the same with us. They were really good, really good, intentional parents of just loving on us. I never felt insecure or not enough within that.
Erin Clark [00:25:13]:
Regardless, the problem is my brother, who's ten years older than me, so I would have been eight at the time. He started into the funeral business, and that's what he went to school for, was funeral directing. And then years later, my dad joined as well. Family business, literally, which bore bored. Bored.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:37]:
Yeah, bore bored in me.
Erin Clark [00:25:40]:
I don't know how you would spell that one. B o a r e d, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. It built in me. We'll just change the word.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:48]:
Or, like, bored holes into, I think so.
Erin Clark [00:25:50]:
Is that what you're trying to say? I don't know. I actually think it is b o.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:53]:
R e d, then.
Erin Clark [00:25:54]:
But I'm not.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:56]:
But I'm not bored.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:58]:
We know what you're saying.
Erin Clark [00:25:59]:
I don't know. I'm not great on words sometimes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:00]:
No, you did great.
Erin Clark [00:26:01]:
It built in me this incredible, debilitating anxiety and from, like, that industry or that job. So part of it was just our lifestyle became all about death. And the reality of it became, like, every time my dad would leave the house, I knew someone died.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:23]:
Oh, wow.
Erin Clark [00:26:24]:
So never took a holiday, middle of the night. And I'm also. It built in me, like, this toughness, probably, of just like, okay, I gotta keep this in because it's their job. This is like our dinner conversations. It was all just death.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:40]:
Death.
Erin Clark [00:26:40]:
And it was so comfortable to my family and it was never comfortable for me. And so I was like, the odd man out. Like, I'd get teased about how sensitive I was, and that just kept building. And, of course, at those young ages, you're just so egocentric, too, where I was like, wait, if that person could lose their mom, then I could lose my mom. I would take it all onto myself. And that continued. I wouldn't go to summer camp. I wouldn't do things, because I thought as long as I stayed close to my parents, then nothing bad had happened to me.
Erin Clark [00:27:18]:
In reality, they were my idols. They were the end all for me. And that was really hard. It was a constant battle. It affected friendships. I'm still probably pretty reserved within friendships just because I just got so used to just being in my own world. And you protect yourself, kind of. And so I became very independent in those years of, like, as long as I'm in control, then nothing can happen.
Erin Clark [00:27:51]:
So if we'd go on car rides, my whole family would fall asleep while my dad's driving, and I would just be peeled on the road.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:58]:
Wide awake.
Erin Clark [00:27:58]:
Wide awake. And I'd be like, are you okay? Every, like, 20 minutes. Are you okay? Are you tired? And he's like, I'm fine, Erin. Like, it just drove him mad. And that continued. And I got super sick. I always had crazy, like, just stress issues on my body, and. And then mark.
Erin Clark [00:28:19]:
I met Mark. We dated for five years, and we decided to move to Vancouver. And that was huge for me. That was so huge, because if I was close to my parents, I could protect them. And now you're saying, I'm gonna move basically, like, New York to California would be the, like, literally across the country.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:40]:
What was the difference in, like, the towns where you lived versus where you moved?
Erin Clark [00:28:44]:
Well, again, it would be east coast, west coast, just.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:48]:
But, like, you were in the big city. Small city.
Erin Clark [00:28:51]:
Oh, sorry. Yeah, we were in a city. I would say, growing up, Canadians, we don't really, like, break it down, like, in the US. We're just in a. We're in a place.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:02]:
We're living somewhere.
Erin Clark [00:29:03]:
We're living in a place. And I could be wrong, but I don't think we break it down so much.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:09]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:29:09]:
So I moved to the same kind of. Same kind of world. Yeah. And it wasn't like a small town girl moving to the big city. The big city. It was a Hallmark movie, but just the idea. And then I knew we had to drive across country. The fear and anxiety.
Erin Clark [00:29:27]:
So every day, the whole drive, I was just like, fight or flight. Fight or flight. Fight or flight. We'd get to the hotel. Well, it was a motel. We were completely broke. We got to the hotel, and then I'd be like, okay, okay, I can breathe. Like, we made it.
Erin Clark [00:29:42]:
I lived another day because I knew the statistics. Everything was a statistic to me of death because I knew the reality of it. It was, like, in my face every moment. And my family would always be like, we'd be driving down the street, and they'd be like, oh, we just picked up a body there last week. They would tell me every death that they experienced. Even knowing, knowing, anxious.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:05]:
It would make you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:05]:
Yes, that's crazy.
Erin Clark [00:30:06]:
And I think they just thought I was just sensitive, and I needed to get over it. And they weren't ill meaning by it, but it definitely did. Like, yes, it did affect me. And so we made it to Vancouver, and it was just, again, just. It was just chaos for a little while of just, like, I can't believe.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:29]:
You brought me here.
Erin Clark [00:30:30]:
This is crazy. We move into a house right away that I had come and picked up. We'd already paid, like, three months rent on it. We move in, and heroin addicts had lived in it before us. And there was blood caked into places. There was, like, I'm talking, like, they odd in that home. We're told by the neighbor underneath. Yes, by the neighbor underneath.
Erin Clark [00:30:50]:
There was, like, a triplex. There was, like, a la z boy on the front porch that belonged to the people below. And I don't know why. With the la z boy. Just broke me like a fabric la z boy in la boy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:01]:
It's that lazy, lazy boy.
Erin Clark [00:31:03]:
And, like, these people were sweet. They're helping us up with their stuff, but then they're telling us about all this stuff, and there's this creepy man that lived, and I'm like, why would you bring makeup? And I didn't even have, like, we don't even have, like, proper cell phones at that site.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:16]:
No.
Erin Clark [00:31:16]:
Yeah. And I'm like, I just want to go home to my mom. It was the best thing that happened to us. Leaving and actually cleaving to one another. Cause Mark was the only person I had. We had nobody. Yeah. We got out of that house within three days before moving track even came.
Erin Clark [00:31:33]:
We showed up at the college, and I'm, like, bawling. I'm like, we need a different house now. I will not live in it. There's, like, weed coming up through the vents while we're sleeping. Everything that entered that house, I could never touch again. Like, I was like, I can't. I can't be in here. Like, something just felt so off.
Erin Clark [00:31:51]:
And then that's when we found this little basement suite that was just the junkiest looking place. Every wall was a different color. The carpet was literally bare to the concrete. It was so rough. There was four kids upstairs. Just chaos constantly. And it felt like home. It was just this instant, because, like, we met the people.
Erin Clark [00:32:11]:
I literally grabbed the baby, and I, like, start kissing its head, like, the first meeting. And Mark's like, that's not your baby. Like, we don't know these people. Stop kissing the baby. But it's just, like, it just felt home. And that's what I mean about this. Like, this place of belong. I just felt, you know, that feeling of, like, okay, something is here.
Erin Clark [00:32:28]:
And from there, I. Within six months, we got established in a church. We were just, like, thriving. And then I got super sick, and they found endometriosis. They cleared it and said, you should get pregnant right away. And then I ended up getting pregnant, and then I got really sick again, and I went into the hospital, and they did a colonoscopy, and the doctor said, basically, I had a hole in my colon, and I had E. Coli running through my body. And I'm pregnant.
Erin Clark [00:33:06]:
I'm, like, five months pregnant at this point. And it was. I was like, okay. I've already thought of this. Like, it's okay. Like, because I was in a lot of pain, and I had, like, it was just not great. And I was like, it's okay. Like, I'll just wait until after.
Erin Clark [00:33:22]:
And they're like, no, you don't understand. Like, if you don't have this surgery tonight, you and your baby will both be dead by morning.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:29]:
Oh, my gosh.
Erin Clark [00:33:30]:
And. Oh. And the problem was, they couldn't track the baby. Sorry. That's why I was like, I'll wait. Cause they're like, we can't track your baby. So your baby could pass, because we can't. And so that night, I had my first of, like, five surgeries through that pregnancy.
Erin Clark [00:33:45]:
And I just remember one night. So I'm still. I'm a person who's highly anxious, in control. I'm the person who's working full time to pay for Mark's education. That's why we moved there. And so even with my surgeries, I'd have to, like, heal as quickly as possible pregnant and get back to work, because I was the breadwinner. Wow. To pay, we'd put, like, his.
Erin Clark [00:34:04]:
I don't recommend this, but we put his, like, schooling his tuition on our visa. And then I'd work the rest of the semester just to pay it back so that I could have room for the. Like, we had nothing. Cause moving to another province, they wouldn't give us any school loans. So I'm like that. All that weight was just sitting on me. And my whole life, as long as I controlled situations, I'd be safe and I'd be good. And here I am, completely broken.
Erin Clark [00:34:30]:
Mark had to physically, like, help me to the bathroom. He had, like, it was so bad, and it was an embarrassing, like, where. How everything was. And I remember one day just laying in this basement apartment that, like, visually was so chaotic, and yet it was home to me. And I laid there and I was by myself, and I just remember just completely breaking and just like, God, I can't do this anymore. Like, and I still remember the prayer, and I wrote it down recently, and it was just like, just this moment of just full surrender of, like, I have tried my whole life to control this, this, this. And I know, like, you literally have brought me to the point of breaking where I have no control over sickness or health, life, death. And those are things that I felt I could.
Erin Clark [00:35:25]:
And he was like, you have no control, so surrender this to me. And that day, calling out, I just literally, like, verbally just would yell out and be like, I give you my parents. I give control of mark. I give control of this baby. I give. And I just gave God. And in that moment, God healed me from my crippling anxiety. And I never have felt the same.
Erin Clark [00:35:49]:
Wow. Same connection. It was this full surrender. And what's beautiful about it is not just for myself, but, like, what you guys so kindly said about how I see people and I make. I couldn't do that, actually in those years because I was so self absorbed. If you started to share your feelings or what your struggling with, I wouldn't even be listening. I'd be going, yeah. Wait, could I get that, too?
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:14]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:36:14]:
Oh, my goodness.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:15]:
God needs to heal.
Erin Clark [00:36:18]:
He's like, wait a second.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:19]:
Yes.
Erin Clark [00:36:20]:
And what God was doing in those quiet moments of complete and utter brokenness of my physical body, my emotional side, my spiritual side, was he was going, I have something big ahead for you and Mark.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:35]:
Wow.
Erin Clark [00:36:36]:
I have this plan, but I need you in this. Actually surrendering to me, actually, like, giving me and what Mark and I have walked through in people's lives, like rape, murder, like, the big heavy things that I would have avoided, like the plague. I wouldn't have known anybody in these. I've actually had to walk side by side with people. And I remember one time we were talking to a friend of ours who had lost a wife from cancer, lost a son from murder to murder. There were so many different things. Like, this man had lived a chaotic life, and he was asked, how do you still, like, love on people? How do you listen to other people's tragedies? And he said, I listen. And then I say, and this sounds crass, but it actually is so freeing and so healing.
Erin Clark [00:37:38]:
He says, I listen. I journey with them, and then I say, thank you, God. That. That's not my story. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, yes, I'm taking on other people's stories, which actually is, like, doing a disservice to those people. It's not actually caring about them, and it's also taking away what God's calling on my life. And so, yeah, so God healed me that day from that.
Erin Clark [00:38:07]:
And we have not, like, it's not like since that there's been no struggles and no fear and no pain and no sickness. But the way that I now see those things is different. And the way that I connect to God through those things is different. And I think that. That sometimes God needs to take us to different levels to actually bring us to surrender. And some people, it might not be, like, literally allowing your physical body to break down, but for some of us, that's literally what we need.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:45]:
Wow.
Erin Clark [00:38:46]:
So, yeah, so that's how I believe. So I became a Christian when I was young, but I would say I didn't find complete surrender to Christ and actually give him, like, aaron, like, who Erin is, to fully rely on the redeeming power of what Christ did on the cross. For me, like, now when I hear people's stories, I literally will take them to the cross and I leave them there. Like, Christ already paid the price for the sins for the past, and I can give them to him and he can carry them so that I can walk freely within that. And so I would say it was at 21 that I fully understood who God is.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:30]:
That's amazing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:32]:
That was really good. There's so many different things I feel like we can go into based off of what you said.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:38]:
But can you leave everybody who's on that cliffhanger of what happened after that?
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:44]:
After what?
Leslie Johnston [00:39:44]:
Your pregnancy and with your.
Erin Clark [00:39:47]:
Oh, I had Sienna. Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:49]:
I'm like, I know what happens, but I'm assuming everybody's like, but also what.
Erin Clark [00:39:53]:
Happened, right, also in that time. So it was crazy. I had to go, like, get cauterized every other day, which was like, they burn you to try to heal this thing. Surgeries wouldn't work because I was pregnant. And one day, I was waddling back from lunch at work because I still. I'm in great pain, but I have to work. And this person was turning into a parking lot as I was leaving and hit me in my protruding belly, and I fell to the ground. Like, full car, full hit me.
Erin Clark [00:40:24]:
And I'm laying on the ground. Like, my kids are always, like, when I tell my life stories, I just tell them nonchalant. Cause they're just my life. And my kids are like, you know this isn't normal, right, mom? Like, this isn't normal.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:36]:
You have some of the craziest, lightest stories I've ever heard.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:40]:
The scenarios I came up with in my mind growing up are way worse than this.
Erin Clark [00:40:43]:
And that's the funny thing, too. Like, if you are literally, like, if you walk in constant anxiety and pain when things actually happen, you're like, I.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:52]:
Saw that coming before anybody else, right?
Leslie Johnston [00:40:55]:
Or, this was not as bad as I thought it was gonna be.
Erin Clark [00:40:57]:
And that's what it is. It's like, wait a second. I'm actually. God gave me what I need to actually.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:02]:
That's crazy.
Erin Clark [00:41:03]:
Through this thing, this thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:04]:
The car hits you, and you're like, I've imagined getting hit by a car several times. This actually doesn't feel the way.
Erin Clark [00:41:11]:
I could find her heartbeat for so long. I had to stay in a hospital. Oh, my God. I had to stay in a hospital overnight. And then eventually, they found her heartbeat. So this poor girl, like, Sienna had crazy colic for the first three months.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:24]:
She's a mirror baby.
Erin Clark [00:41:25]:
Of course you have colic because your life has been so stressful inside my room. So, yeah. So Sienna's thriving. She's 18.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:34]:
That's crazy.
Erin Clark [00:41:35]:
So crazy. The next chapter of life, and again, am I doing this right? My kid's 18, and you're like, did I teach her what she needs to know? Have I done. Have I done, like, a disservice to her? Does she know how to, like, be a decent human being?
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:52]:
Yeah, I don't.
Erin Clark [00:41:53]:
She knows. I don't know. I don't know if I provided and then I took on homeschooling. Well, that adds another layer of, like, literally, if my kids don't succeed. Like, it's on me. It's on me. Like, we always talk about people always say, like, make sure your kids, like, they're not a reflection on, like, who you are. You don't want them to, like, think that they have to, like, yeah, be.
Erin Clark [00:42:17]:
And I'm like, no, they literally are a reflection of me in every avenue. I took on so much. Yes, you did. Yeah. Wait, wait. If they don't see that, I will actually feel that personally. Like, that is my thing. So, yeah, that's where I'm at in life.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:35]:
It's amazing.
Erin Clark [00:42:36]:
But, yeah, she survived. Thank you. I do that often. I'll get messages from people, like, weeks later. I just shared something recently, so we just went through. Not long ago, I got. I had a mammogram, and it came back that they found suspicious mass. And they were like, well, this is normal.
Erin Clark [00:42:57]:
It can happen. And so I'm sharing this story with this group of homeschooling moms talking about just the idea that, like, life happens and it's okay to take breaks. Like, this isn't the all. And in these moments, I thought, I'm so thankful I multiplied my time with my kids. Cause I went back in and then they found a second suspicious mass. And so they had to do biopsies, like, that day, and they were pretty grim. Like, they didn't hold back where I'm like, after, I'm like, maybe they could have been just a little less intense. Like, they sent me home with pamphlets of, like, you're dying from cancer.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:33]:
Oh, my God.
Erin Clark [00:43:34]:
And so it was that moment of, like, as I'm driving home, I'm like, my kids know I'm going for this. I've played it very thing. But it's like, do you just hold it to yourself until you actually know? Or do you invite them in? And I was like, no. Our family, we walk through good and bad together. We walk through the hards, the highs, the lows. And it's not dismal, but it's trying to be like, I have to talk about this today. Because if the result is. And I'm saying this to these ladies, I'm like, so if the result is I have cancer, then I need to have this conversation today because I need my kids to understand today before I have the diagnosis that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Erin Clark [00:44:17]:
It's easy for us to say that when we get the positive thing of, like, God is so good, it's like, no, no, God is good even when it's the negative. And so we need to have the whole progression so that the kids can walk through it. Of course, they all automatically go to like, I'm dying. And we we mourn together. We grieve together because we didn't know. Yeah, we didn't. You don't know. And we are only going off of what we have.
Erin Clark [00:44:39]:
And I was like, so I'm just so glad that I, like, I've multiplied the time with the girls. And then we moved on and we kept going.
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:49]:
Everyone's like, I never told them the results.
Erin Clark [00:44:53]:
I just left it. So we're, like, walking to the car and these ladies are still talking, and they're like, I just think you're so brave. Like, you're here tonight. And I'm like, oh, yeah, no, totally. Thank you. Like, I'm so glad to be here with you guys. And they're like, yeah, we'll be praying for you. I'm like, thanks.
Erin Clark [00:45:10]:
Like, I love when people pray for me. I think it's so good. I'll be praying for you, too.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:14]:
In their mind, you're right in the middle of potentially kidding.
Erin Clark [00:45:16]:
Yes. And then nothing. And then the next day, I get a message from this woman and she's like, I was talking to my husband last night, and I just like. And again, this whole, just this most beautiful long. And I'm like, did I not finish my story?
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:32]:
They, like, have to bring you back in the next.
Erin Clark [00:45:34]:
Send an email clarified. Please let everybody know the results were negative and I will be living another day. And I'm sorry that there were people in that room that are still awaiting things. And I just left it very.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:50]:
That's really funny. And that's my life.
Erin Clark [00:45:53]:
That's how I roll. People guessing.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:56]:
Oh, my God.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:57]:
I have a question, and we don't. We haven't gotten the chance to talk much about this on this show because, well, I mean, we're stopping our assuming of what demographic we have because we kind of thought it was mostly young women, but then we realized there are actually some middle aged men that are like, I listen every morning.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:15]:
Yeah. And we love that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:16]:
But I am curious for moms that are listening. We haven't talked tons about motherhood, partially because other than Leslie and her recent addition to her family.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:25]:
Oh, yes.
Erin Clark [00:46:26]:
So cute.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:27]:
This is Ryder.
Erin Clark [00:46:28]:
You're already matching Ryder's.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:30]:
Like, I was asleep.
Erin Clark [00:46:31]:
He was.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:32]:
He actually had his arm on the podcast mic. So he's a little pod dog.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:35]:
He's a pod dog.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:36]:
But he is so sweet.
Erin Clark [00:46:38]:
Like, he sleeps all the time.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:40]:
And then he's a monster because his.
Erin Clark [00:46:43]:
Paw was on it. And he's pod dog.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:48]:
So Leslie's the only Leslie. And you, Erin, y'all are moms?
Leslie Johnston [00:46:51]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:51]:
I'm not.
Erin Clark [00:46:52]:
It's the same. It's. My mother in law's let me know my whole. When she'd compare my littles to her dogs. That was always, like, forever. Now I get it. Because I have dogs and I talk to my babies.
Leslie Johnston [00:47:05]:
It's definitely not like having a baby. I will publicly say that it's a.
Morgan May Treuil [00:47:09]:
Little different getting the chance to be around your girls. You have three girls. Santa's 18. Can you mention the ages?
Erin Clark [00:47:16]:
Yeah. Hayden is 15 and a half, and then Bella is 13.
Morgan May Treuil [00:47:21]:
One of the things I'm impressed by, and this reminds me of, I mean, the way that I grew up. I know that you guys grew up this way, too, but you have fostered such a close relationship with your girls where it feels like you've achieved some kind of strange balance between motherhood, but also, they would consider you to be a friend. Not without respect, obviously, but there's something there that you've achieved where it feels like your girls would tell you anything. What do you feel like you did to create that kind of family dynamic?
Erin Clark [00:47:53]:
Yeah, that's great. And what's funny is that was actually my unpopular opinion.
Morgan May Treuil [00:47:57]:
Oh, well, tell us.
Erin Clark [00:47:58]:
That's great that you can be friends with your kids. How funny. Every time I speak on it and I share that, that's really funny, I will still get the people. Just kind of like, oh, that's not a thing. And it's like, no, no, it actually is, because. How so? I'm really big on, like, you need the vision for your whole, like, what are my goals for my kids? What are. And then, as my friend says, the chatter doesn't matter. The vision makes the decision.
Erin Clark [00:48:28]:
So if you know the vision, then the chatter of what the world says is right. And how you should raise your girls and how you should do it doesn't matter because I know my vision. And so one of those things that is key for me, that's huge, is I want a friendship with my adult children. I see you guys and you join in because your family is not here. But, like, you go to the movies together. It's fun hanging out. Your friends all join in and all of that. But how do we expect to get there if we're not connecting here? You actually have to put in the work when they're young to build those connections, or else all of a sudden they turn a certain age and you're like, well, let's be friends now.
Erin Clark [00:49:07]:
Let's be friends. And I always think about Jesus as my greatest example of him. With his disciples. He was friends with them. He had, like, he ate with them, he did life with them. But he also wasn't afraid to have the hard conversations with them and actually guide them, rebuke them when they're doing stuff wrong. And so it's finding that balance. It doesn't mean, like, we're not friends where I think we automatically go to, like, everything's permissible with friends.
Morgan May Treuil [00:49:38]:
Yeah.
Erin Clark [00:49:38]:
And it's like, no, actually, even within my own, like, like, one of my daughters, her best friend, he will always hold her to this high standard of, they talk and they actually care about, have you drank your water today? They do funny stuff where the other day I was like, hey, you guys talk a lot and you play Fortnite, you do this stuff. And I'm like, how much have you guys read the Bible this week? And they both just kind of, like, looked at me and then I was like, why don't you guys start your day by, like, just a chapter and then you can talk about the rest of life and do the rest of life. But, yeah, okay. But it's like, even with, that's actually what I want. Even from my kids friends. I don't want everything to be permissible. Yeah, I know my kids, when they're with their friends, I trust all of them because they actually will hold each other accountable for things. It's not like.
Erin Clark [00:50:32]:
And so I have this. I believe that you need to deposit before you can withdraw.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:38]:
Withdraw.
Erin Clark [00:50:39]:
You need to have this healthy. And so I think a big part of it is, again, that intentionality, that is a word that for me is just, it takes effort to be intentional. And I'm finding as the years go on, it's actually getting trickier because of technology to be intentional, to actually, like, look one another in the face. And there's so much distraction that we can always have. But I didn't play in the sense of, like, I mean, your first child, you play everything with that child, and then you're next, you don't. So it's not like I was just, like, always playing barbies with my girls. It was like, when I'm cooking in the kitchen, the stuff that we're already doing, we're engaging and we're connecting with another. So not just the, like, these are the things that we do, but how are we actually having fun together to really initiate this friendship? And so we had, I mean, again, this freebie.
Erin Clark [00:51:38]:
We had this freebie hot tub that was given to us. We had rental house, and they let us install it in there.
Morgan May Treuil [00:51:43]:
That's cool.
Erin Clark [00:51:44]:
And it smelled like rat urine. Like it had been in our friend's backyard and rats had burrowed under. And so you just, like, you just knew it smelled, but it wasn't on the inside. It was under, so it was like, it's okay. I'm sure.
Leslie Johnston [00:51:55]:
Yeah, it's a hot tub, so it's great.
Erin Clark [00:51:56]:
I'm sure we have long term issues, but we implemented these, like, hot tub talks, where that's when, I think, a huge part. We hold back as parents, our own life from our kids, and they don't really know who we are as human beings. And so from a young age, age appropriate stories. I would tell them the funny stories of my life or the quirky stories of my life. Or as they've gotten older, I've told them the stories about when the doctor tried to take advantage of me or when I was held against my will in Germany, or like, these.
Leslie Johnston [00:52:34]:
We're gonna need Erin back on today's further dive segment.
Erin Clark [00:52:39]:
Take off all my clothes in a bathroom and pass me my clothes out to him. And I stood there for 20 minutes while he ironed them. Things where, like, you are like, okay, maybe we just don't tell our. But it's like, no, actually, they need to learn, like, I'm human being who actually. And they can learn from that, and they can grow from that. And so nothing is off limits in our house, conversationally, always age appropriate. We talk to the age that they're at. But we.
Erin Clark [00:53:11]:
My goal, we don't do the formal Bible studies necessarily. I mean, those come and go. For me, it's about weaving God and what God has called us to and who God says we are into every conversation that we have. So that means, like, when we watch a movie, we are able to, like, extrapolate that of, like, oh, my gosh. Or music. My kids, like, my family love music. So on one hand, I could be like, nope, only this kind of music. We're not doing this.
Erin Clark [00:53:45]:
Or I can engage within it with them, and we have the conversation. So if we're, like, in the car, and my kids always know, so they're actually a little more like, they always know when I'm around that they'll be like, I knew you were gonna say that. So it helps within their conscience. I'm not being permissible. They know my things. So if we drive and they say something about getting drunk or something in the song, I'll be like, now, why would they go and do that? Or, like, you just kind of. And they just know when we have the conversations and they know the. So they are now able to have discernment.
Erin Clark [00:54:24]:
So I didn't want to just create girls who just did what I said because I said, because one day I'm not gonna be here to tell them what to say. And I need them to be confident within their own, like, their own conscience. I don't know if your conscience is here, but within their own decision making. And to be able to stand true on, like, I know right from wrong, not because my mom told me, but because this is what God tells me. And so I can still love people, but I can still understand. So I was always firm on, even when they were young, of, like, you don't just push aside the butterflies that are in your stomach, that feeling in the pit when you know something is wrong. Cause that's actually God's protection over you. That's discernment.
Erin Clark [00:55:11]:
So trying to just even label what is discernment. Like, a lot of adults don't even know that feeling of, like, oh, no, this is like, God. We often just refer to it as fight and flight, which is. It's true. That's a true thing. But also sometimes it's discernment of God going like, no, no. You know, walk away. Walk away.
Erin Clark [00:55:29]:
Figure out. And so I just really, that's been a big thing is I don't want my kids to do stuff because I say I want them to do it because their heart truly knows what is right and to trust their own judgment. I think for so many years, because I idolized my parents so much, I didn't know how to make my own decisions. I didn't know it would be like, okay, what would my mom think about this? And then I'd have to ask her, and I'd have to. And it wasn't what was God. It was like, okay, what would my mom want to do? And that becomes a moral thing. It's not a Christ changing their heart thing. And then quality time has been huge.
Erin Clark [00:56:10]:
I know homeschooling is not for everyone, but for our family. The writing was kind of on the wall. Like, we planted village church, and life just kept moving faster and faster, and we just kept holding on for dear life, and we had collateral damage from it. We were seeing things in our kids that I was like, finally one day, I said, God. I said, I am so obedient. I am in. I want. Like, we were seeing, like, hundreds of people come to Christ, and I was like, God, like, you know, I'm in, and I want this, but I can't do it at the cost of my own kids salvation.
Erin Clark [00:56:52]:
What do you need me to do? And he was so clear that I needed to pull out at that stage of formal. I had started the whole kids program. That's my background is early childhood education, and I was running that, running all the camps, and it was. I loved it. I thrived within it. But then we'd host every night, all the stuff, and it was like, you gotta pull back, like, your identity. Like, you actually have to mother Teresa. Like, if you want to change the world, go home and love your family.
Erin Clark [00:57:22]:
And that was hard, because my identity, my whole life since I was a kid, was wrapped up. We lived at the church. Growing up, people often ask if my dad, they always think my dad was a pastor. And it's like, no, no. We just. We lived at the church. We were there. And that's why I'm so sensitive to volunteers.
Erin Clark [00:57:43]:
Like, if I hear staff at an event say, like, I'm so tired or try to get out early, I'm like, mm, mm, mm, mm. These people. These people over here, they just worked full time and then gave up their time. They're on vacation working here right now. Like, at breakaway and stuff, it's like, no, no, you will be the happiest person if you're paid person. Like, you will be the. And I've never been paid, but I always think of myself as like, no, this is, like, this is where God called me to do. And so, yeah, we just pulled.
Erin Clark [00:58:13]:
I fully pulled back, and that's when I started homeschooling. So for me, it was about redeeming time. That's cool. And everything for me is about redeeming time. So you're already cooking dinner. How do you make that intentional with your kids? You're already bathing them. So how do you make that time intentional and redeem these everyday, monotonous tasks? To actually, like, pour into this child of who they are and build that fun together.
Leslie Johnston [00:58:42]:
That's amazing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:58:43]:
That's really cool.
Leslie Johnston [00:58:44]:
That's so good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:58:45]:
That's great. I love it.
Leslie Johnston [00:58:46]:
Erin. Gosh, we always say this, but I'm like, we need to do another episode.
Erin Clark [00:58:51]:
I feel like we didn't even, like.
Leslie Johnston [00:58:52]:
This is part one. We need to do part two. Thank you so much wisdom. And if you would like to sign up for Erin's school of hospitality.
Erin Clark [00:59:01]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:59:01]:
I don't know what the action step is for you to do that. I think you. It's cool. Cause we didn't know which direction we wanted the episode to go today, and I think we touched on some of the things that. About you that I think are, like, stuff that people really do want to learn, like, the whole hospitality of space and self. And then even, like, some of your parenting wisdom, I could listen to you talk about how you have shepherded your girl and even, like, your life story of learning to trust God and learning to surrender. I feel like every step of the way, I was listening to you, and I was like, I can apply that to my life. I can apply that to my life.
Morgan May Treuil [00:59:37]:
Like, you gave your story with all these little practical tidbits and moments, and it was the tip of the iceberg. So we're gonna have to have you back so that we can actually go into all the different errand segments, and.
Leslie Johnston [00:59:49]:
You just started or you restarted or just started your podcast.
Erin Clark [00:59:53]:
Thank you. I'm getting ready to restart it again with more of a focus on motherhood.
Morgan May Treuil [00:59:58]:
Oh, love.
Leslie Johnston [01:00:00]:
How can people. Is it out yet? Can people.
Erin Clark [01:00:02]:
So, my old stuff is still out, but I'm in the process of kind of regoing. But it's called beautiful chaos, and the idea of that is everything has everything. Like, you think of family, you think of raising kids, having a puppy work. It's chaos. There's always beauty to be found in all of those things. And even within my girls, just to quickly come back and. And wrap up that part was the idea of, like, telling your kids every day who you see them, like, to be. Like, who does God say you are so that it doesn't.
Erin Clark [01:00:39]:
Their value isn't on how they add up to what they think their parents perceive them to be. And I think, even as adults, that's what we actually need. That's where identity is all wrapped in on is. We all need to stop asking, like, even though, like, am I doing this right? But we need to be asking, like, the. Like, okay, am I living out God's calling within whatever area that we're in? Who does God say I am? And then that question becomes irrelevant in the most beautiful way. That's good, because life is. Life is chaos, and God comes in, and he, like, intersects it with this, like, this beautiful beauty of, like, yeah, you are doing this right? Like, if you're in my will, then you are enough. It's good.
Morgan May Treuil [01:01:33]:
Really good.
Leslie Johnston [01:01:34]:
That's good. Am I doing this right? It doesn't matter.
Erin Clark [01:01:37]:
Yeah, exactly.
Morgan May Treuil [01:01:40]:
Good.
Leslie Johnston [01:01:41]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [01:01:41]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [01:01:42]:
So good, Erin. Thanks, Erin, for so much for being on here and being honest and vulnerable and inspiring. Yeah. I feel like this episode kind of hit me in the face.
Morgan May Treuil [01:01:52]:
I know it did. I'm just literally just absorbing everything, and I can't wait to process all of it afterwards. So thank you guys again for joining us. Wherever you're watching from whatever time of day you're watching, we're so glad that you tuned in to am I doing this right? And we will see you back here next week, wherever you listen to podcasts. So thanks, Erin.
Erin Clark [01:02:09]:
Thank you. Thank you.