Morgan May Treuil [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the Am I Doing This Right podcast.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:03]:
That's right, welcome back.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:05]:
We are your hosts, Morgan and Leslie.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:08]:
But actually, and today we have a very, very, very special guest.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:14]:
Yes, we have a very— so someone who is very much near and dear to my heart. This is my baby sister Amanda, who's on the podcast.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:21]:
Amanda Panda.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:22]:
Amanda Panda, as they like to call her, which now we've officially had All, well, not all except your dad.
Amanda Lowin [00:00:29]:
Except dad.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:30]:
Well, yeah. Everyone from my family has been on the podcast except for my dad.
Amanda Lowin [00:00:35]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:35]:
And for you, everyone from your family except for your brothers have been on the podcast.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:38]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:38]:
And I don't know that they would ever wanna come on.
Amanda Lowin [00:00:40]:
Brother, brother takeover.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:41]:
Maybe one of them.
Amanda Lowin [00:00:42]:
Maybe one of them. Maybe one of them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:43]:
But welcome to the podcast, Amanda.
Amanda Lowin [00:00:45]:
Thanks. I'm pumped to be here.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:47]:
Amanda's in town from Texas. That's right. So if you sense an accent, then that's where it comes from.
Amanda Lowin [00:00:52]:
Country.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:53]:
Country. You do, you do sound more like Amanda when Amanda's here.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:57]:
For sure.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:57]:
For sure. More, I guess, more Texas.
Amanda Lowin [00:00:59]:
Yes. I do that whenever I'm around either you or Kristen, is I just like morph into whatever your mannerisms are.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:05]:
You know what it is?
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:06]:
What song do you used to sing about country boy?
Amanda Lowin [00:01:08]:
Country boy, I love you. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:11]:
What is that?
Amanda Lowin [00:01:12]:
Where does that come from? I don't know. It seems kind of like Vine or something.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:16]:
She's like, it's an original. It's an Amanda original.
Amanda Lowin [00:01:18]:
Growing up, 2016, Amanda used to say things that my parents were just like, What's going on right now?
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:24]:
Where did this come—
Amanda Lowin [00:01:24]:
Exhausted. They're exhausted. She has her own language.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:27]:
She— you are so funny. I was telling Morgan today, 'cause she— Morgan was like, she has so many like funny little one-liners that she does all the time. And I was like, I actually was driving home from church after hanging out with you the other day and I was like, she literally is one of the funniest people I know.
Amanda Lowin [00:01:40]:
That's so nice.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:41]:
And I'm also trying to imagine you as like a 60-year-old and I love that you'll probably be the exact same.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:47]:
You're never gonna age.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:48]:
You're gonna be 60 years old and you're gonna be like, you know what, Pixar didn't have me.
Amanda Lowin [00:01:54]:
Picture it didn't happen. That is so crazy to think about.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:58]:
I was telling Leslie that there's a picture of you in a photo album that to me you'll always be frozen at this age. It's you with a bowl cut, very young, crop top swimsuit with your belly poking out, and you're holding this little baby chick and you're like this. And you will literally always be frozen in time at that age to me, no matter how old you are. That is so funny.
Amanda Lowin [00:02:18]:
You guys, there's another picture like that of us and you're just like this. Kind of cuddling me and I'm like this same face. Y'all should clip it into the podcast. That's so funny.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:27]:
I feel like when you got married, so Amanda was the first to get married out of the 3 girls. Yes. And I remember Morgan just being like, she can't get married. She's baby Amanda. She's a baby. She's a little baby.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:38]:
She's a baby.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:38]:
She's such a baby.
Amanda Lowin [00:02:39]:
But she did.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:39]:
She got married.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:40]:
That's crazy.
Amanda Lowin [00:02:41]:
We were listening to that earlier. We were listening to one of y'all's like early podcasts earlier and it's crazy. I feel like that was like 2 minutes ago.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:47]:
We sound way more polished back then. Like, we've definitely—
Leslie Johnston [00:02:50]:
I thought you were gonna say now.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:51]:
We've definitely loosened up.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:52]:
We've loosened up. Yep.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:54]:
In a good way.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:54]:
In our appearance and in our speech.
Amanda Lowin [00:02:58]:
We were soft. Not true.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:59]:
I'm just kidding.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:00]:
I was listening to it though, and I was like, wow, we do sound very buttoned up. Like we were trying—
Leslie Johnston [00:03:06]:
that's funny. I gotta go back and listen.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:08]:
But I think, I think now we've hit our stride, like our sweet spot of— anyways, this isn't about us.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:13]:
It's about you.
Amanda Lowin [00:03:13]:
I love it because it's cash. Like, I like listening to it cuz it feels like an actual conversation.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:17]:
What's been your favorite episode that you've listened to?
Amanda Lowin [00:03:19]:
Oh, I liked the one— actually, I think y'all talked to Jen. I think Jen was on here.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:28]:
Oh, was the friendship episode?
Amanda Lowin [00:03:29]:
Yes, it was on friendship. Thought it was so good.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:31]:
Oh wow.
Amanda Lowin [00:03:32]:
I also— I also really enjoyed the last one with Benji and Michael because I know that Benji didn't want to be on it, and so I was like, it was so good. They were both amazing. They were like so much wisdom, and so it was fun.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:44]:
I've gotten the most comments like personally from that episode. We're like, yeah, like coming to my office being like, I watched the Benji and Michael episode.
Amanda Lowin [00:03:52]:
We watched a double date, it was epic.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:54]:
Yeah, that's funny.
Amanda Lowin [00:03:55]:
So good.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:55]:
Except for afterwards, Michael was like, I feel like I didn't get to say enough icks. That I—
Amanda Lowin [00:04:00]:
he actually wanted to add some more.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:03]:
He was like, wait, wait, I— you all got two and I only got one. I'm like, all right, go ahead.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:07]:
That's—
Amanda Lowin [00:04:07]:
but that's why, because he started us off, he had one too fast.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:10]:
Yes, it was too quick.
Amanda Lowin [00:04:11]:
What are y'all's favorites? Oh, y'all probably can't say that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:15]:
No. Like, well, we—
Leslie Johnston [00:04:17]:
that's a good question. I don't know. I mean, Christie's was really good.
Amanda Lowin [00:04:21]:
Oh, I loved it.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:22]:
For like depth-wise, Christie opening up about her miscarriage, that was incredible.
Amanda Lowin [00:04:26]:
It was so good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:28]:
Yeah, actually we did— we talked about this on the anniversary episode that we did, the 100th episode that we did. Christie's and also Kristen's. Oh my gosh, we're both favorites of ours because of the content. Like, it just was— they were super honest and it was really good.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:42]:
I love both of those.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:43]:
Both of ours.
Amanda Lowin [00:04:44]:
So no pressure, no pressure, but no pressure. But I got to walk in right now. We need to bring Christy and Kristen back and do a collab.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:50]:
Big sister collab.
Amanda Lowin [00:04:50]:
That would be so fun. That would be really fun.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:53]:
That would be really fun.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:54]:
Okay, so you need to fill the listeners in.
Amanda Lowin [00:04:56]:
Just realize my legs are not shaved. Jeans out, summer day.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:59]:
I usually have crew socks on. Um, Kate, before you give it— give us your unpopular opinion, which we know that you have ready to go, give us like the brief Amanda life synopsis about you, where you live, what you do, who you're married to, all that kind of stuff.
Amanda Lowin [00:05:14]:
Okay, let's see. I'm Amanda. I'm Morgan's youngest sister. I live outside of Austin, Texas, and I am a high school dance teacher.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:23]:
I love that.
Amanda Lowin [00:05:23]:
And I love it. We have lived in that area for like 3-ish years now. So me and my husband Cade got married a little over 3 years ago, moved back to the Austin area where we're from originally, and this sometimes icks me out, but I teach at the same high school I attended. And I think it's like 7— it's like 80% so special, and then 20% I'm like, wait, am I swear I'm not a high school hero? You know what I mean? But it's so cool for like getting to go and give back to the same organizations I was in. But it's also like, yeah, no, I'm just kidding. It's awesome.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:57]:
Yes, I do that.
Amanda Lowin [00:05:58]:
And then I also really enjoy to do like freelance choreography and dance stuff on the side. I like to be creative, and I love people and hanging out with friends. I feel like we have a solid kind of friend community, and we have a mini golden doodle named Cookie, and she's basically our kid. Oh yeah, um, sometimes she's stanky leg right now though. Oh, do y'all— y'all's dogs ever— you don't have a dog? Does your dog ever just smell and you're like, oh yeah?
Leslie Johnston [00:06:24]:
And then I have some really nice shampoo. I'll send you the shampoo I have for him.
Amanda Lowin [00:06:28]:
Link in bio.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:29]:
It's that Ouai, it's that Ouai brand, O-U-A-I or whatever. They have a dog shampoo, which makes it sound really bougie, but honestly I bought it when he was literally born and I was like, that's all I have for you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:41]:
Still using it.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:41]:
Still using it. I'm only like a quarter of the way through the bottle.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:44]:
Y'all should get that for Cookie cuz Cookie, Cookie smells, Cookie can smell like, she smells crazy.
Amanda Lowin [00:06:49]:
What did Kate say yesterday?
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:50]:
That she smells like Parmesan cheese.
Amanda Lowin [00:06:52]:
Oh, he said she smells like Parm. I'm being serious. We were talking to him on the phone. It's because she, this is so gross. So edit this out. But just kidding. Um, she threw up like a week ago just randomly. Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:07:05]:
And then something about when she throws up, the smell just like stays on her. It like sticks to her fur and then it doesn't leave. So now like we haven't spoken to her in like a week and a half. Like we can't until she gets groomed. Like she means nothing to us, which is so terrible, but I just can't. No, I get it. I just can't do it with the smell.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:21]:
Amanda can't do smells. She never has been able to. So like if you need a friend to be like, Hey, can you smell my breath? Like, is it fine? She's like, she's like, no, I simply can't. I just, I can't.
Amanda Lowin [00:07:31]:
The problem is that Morgan has always asked me, like, knowing something smells bad, she's like, smell this, smell this. And I'm like, I don't trust you because I know that you're about to set me up. There's nothing funnier than watching someone smell something bad.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:42]:
There's nothing funnier than that.
Amanda Lowin [00:07:43]:
It's classic. Especially when you know it's bad and you know that they hate bad smells. That's hilarious.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:49]:
It's like when you eat something and it's terrible and you're like, please try this.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:52]:
Like, it's so bad.
Amanda Lowin [00:07:53]:
She loves it. Or it's like, do you ever go to like a nice restaurant and they have room temp water in the glass and it smells like a dog? Oh, no one talks about that. My gosh. Always. You know what I'm talking about?
Leslie Johnston [00:08:03]:
No.
Amanda Lowin [00:08:03]:
You go to a nice restaurant, they have room temp water and it's been outside. You're like sitting on a patio and then it just like, you pick it up and you're like, oof.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:10]:
And it smells like wet dog.
Amanda Lowin [00:08:11]:
I do not want to take a sip of this.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:12]:
And we always, our family, we have a dog named Chaka who is disgusting. He has a permanent underbite. He always has his muzzle just wet and he just licks it. Himself over and over again.
Amanda Lowin [00:08:21]:
And we go out to eat at a nice restaurant, we drink some water, and we're all like, this smells like socks, which is what we call chaka.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:28]:
It's so disgusting.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:29]:
I'm, I'm going to look for that now, and I'm sure all our listeners will.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:34]:
Just don't smell the water.
Amanda Lowin [00:08:35]:
Yeah, don't smell it. And I shouldn't have said it, cuz now you're going to smell it. Yeah. And it's going to be so tough. That's so funny.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:42]:
Oh my gosh.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:43]:
Wait, before your unpopular opinion— actually, you could go for your unpopular opinion. I have a follow-up question. I feel like she needs to tell a story of how she met that.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:50]:
Okay, yeah, I was going to say that too. I was going to say that too.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:51]:
So do your unpopular opinion.
Amanda Lowin [00:08:53]:
Okay, I had, I had two originally, but they were mediocre at best. But it came to me about 20 minutes ago what my actual unpopular opinion, opinion, excuse me, should be. And there's two of them. Okay, one is that burgers should only be enjoyed plain and dry with cheese.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:12]:
Heck yeah, I'm on board with that.
Amanda Lowin [00:09:13]:
You know what I'm talking about?
Leslie Johnston [00:09:14]:
Yeah, yeah. Yep. Give your explanation on why.
Amanda Lowin [00:09:18]:
Here's the thing, is that if you add the tomato, the lettuce, the pickles, like the mustard, all the stuff, it drowns out the flavors of the patty. And like, what's the point of a burger without the patty? Yeah, and the bun, plain and simple.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:34]:
Now I would go as far to say like you don't even need the cheese. Now I like my burgers with like lettuce and onion on them.
Amanda Lowin [00:09:41]:
Okay, that's fair.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:42]:
But yeah, everything else just drowns it out.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:44]:
Yes.
Amanda Lowin [00:09:44]:
If you get tomatoes, I think what it is is if you do tomatoes and pickles, then the flavor is gone and I'm just like overwhelmed.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:51]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:09:51]:
I like, there's too many things happening.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:52]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:53]:
So why are you going to a restaurant and just ordering meat and bread? That like, why would you pick a classic?
Leslie Johnston [00:09:59]:
It's like the essence. It's the essence of the burger.
Amanda Lowin [00:10:01]:
It is. It is. It is.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:03]:
The essence.
Amanda Lowin [00:10:04]:
We're missing flavors. You know what it's like? It's like those pizza places that are nice and they're really into pizza. So they're like, we don't do ranch. It's kind of like that.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:11]:
Yes.
Amanda Lowin [00:10:11]:
It's like, no, like we don't need all the extra stuff on the burger because you're gonna miss like the flavor of the burger.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:15]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:16]:
You're comparing yourself to an Italian restaurant that like prides itself on being—
Amanda Lowin [00:10:20]:
that's insane.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:21]:
That's so funny. I feel the same way about people who put hot sauce on stuff. I'm like, someone the other day at my house was like, do you have hot sauce? And I'm like, it doesn't need hot sauce. Like it just is— let the flavor—
Amanda Lowin [00:10:32]:
let it be the flavor.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:33]:
You put hot sauce, then all of a sudden you're just tasting hot sauce.
Amanda Lowin [00:10:36]:
Yeah, that's honestly—
Leslie Johnston [00:10:37]:
it's ruined.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:38]:
Do you like spicy food?
Leslie Johnston [00:10:39]:
I do like spicy food.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:40]:
You don't like hot sauce?
Leslie Johnston [00:10:42]:
I just think hot sauce just tastes gross. Like, it's like, there's so many good sauces out there, and it's just like, hot sauce is like the cheap, like, you know, just— yeah, not cheap, I guess I shouldn't say that. It's just like, like, to me it's the cop-out sauce. It's like, you don't like sauce, you just— I don't know what it is. I got beef with hot sauce.
Amanda Lowin [00:10:59]:
It's good for like scrambled eggs if you just like need some kind of flavor and you're over like the egg flavor.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:04]:
You know, eggs need everything.
Amanda Lowin [00:11:06]:
Eggs.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:07]:
Eggs honestly should only be eaten drowned in something that makes you never taste egg. Yeah, that's fair.
Amanda Lowin [00:11:14]:
Yeah, that's how I feel.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:15]:
You don't like— you like eggs the way the eggs taste?
Leslie Johnston [00:11:17]:
I mean, I like them. The best eggs have like a little bit of onion and cheese and all that in there. Scramble, avocado.
Amanda Lowin [00:11:24]:
I eat like 2 scrambled eggs plain, no salt, no nothing, every single day.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:28]:
Why are you doing that to yourself?
Amanda Lowin [00:11:29]:
I don't know, just— I just— it's good flavor.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:32]:
She's a pure—
Amanda Lowin [00:11:33]:
I'm fine with it. It does need hot sauce sometimes though.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:36]:
Did you have another unpopular opinion, or was that your own?
Leslie Johnston [00:11:38]:
Yeah, you had a second one. The second one.
Amanda Lowin [00:11:41]:
Oh, okay. Here's the deal. I know that everyone's situation with this is different, so no shade, but based on my observations, the only, the only skincare that works is no skincare.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:56]:
Oh my gosh.
Amanda Lowin [00:11:57]:
Wait, what? So here's the thing. Here's the thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:01]:
This is not a bad thing.
Amanda Lowin [00:12:02]:
My husband's family is crazy. My husband, Cade, he literally has never like, I think he washed his face one time and then broke out. But then besides that, he like barely even puts like any kind of like facial soap on his face and then skin's always glowing. Yeah. And I'm just like, boys are immune. How are you gonna go outside and do yard work, come in and shower and literally only the water just runs over his face, but no soap, no nothing. I don't think there's even like a hand rub or anything and glowing. And then I'll wash my face and put in all this effort, and then I'll get like a breakout 2 days later and I'm like, what's this all about? And then I feel like anyone I talk to who like doesn't do skincare products, their skin looks perfect.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:39]:
Yeah, I, I want—
Amanda Lowin [00:12:41]:
which has not worked for me.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:43]:
1000% agree with this.
Amanda Lowin [00:12:45]:
I don't fully trust it because I don't do it. I wash my face regularly and like do a whole thing with some like beef tallow. Oh, I'm trying to get into the whole natural product. Yes. I'm like halfway in.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:57]:
I've been there.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:58]:
That's like That's like, that's like going to the pantry and getting, getting bacon up, bacon grease and bacon up and putting it on your face.
Amanda Lowin [00:13:07]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:07]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:08]:
That's what tallow is like to me.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:09]:
Natural.
Amanda Lowin [00:13:10]:
It kind of is.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:11]:
Here's the beef I have with the May sisters.
Amanda Lowin [00:13:13]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:13]:
Actually, I don't know this about Chris, Kristen. Kristen, but I don't know either, but you guys naturally have such good skin that of course no skincare is best for you because it's like, I'm just like, you're like Hailey Bieber. It's like, I'm just naturally have good skin, so like I don't even need— Morgan's like, I'm gonna like like literally go to bed with my makeup on and wear it the next day. If I did that, my face would be crazy. And so to me, I'm like, you just— yeah, it's effort.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:40]:
It's a lot of freaking effort.
Amanda Lowin [00:13:43]:
You got 12 steps.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:45]:
Got a new vitamin serum I used this morning.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:48]:
I've been working with a system right now where I'll go 3 days worth no face wash. I'm just adding makeup on top of layers, like makeup wipe underneath your eyes.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:57]:
No, guys, a makeup wipe Are those makeup wipes? They're just— they're terrible. Well, apparently not for you guys. Here's the problem for you guys, it's great. You could rub dirt on your face and it would be like, oh my gosh, this is better.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:10]:
And they're just like a Neutrogena makeup wipe.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:12]:
That's our favorite.
Amanda Lowin [00:14:14]:
It's like clinically proven.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:16]:
I know my mom used Neutrogena face wipes.
Amanda Lowin [00:14:18]:
We always go to her bathroom. Oh yeah, if I'm—
Leslie Johnston [00:14:21]:
I'm going to say for you guys, use whatever you want. You could totally use whatever you want. You guys, natural.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:26]:
We shouldn't prescribe methods to to the masses.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:28]:
Yeah, don't— definitely don't.
Amanda Lowin [00:14:29]:
That needs to be a whole separate episode. I need like the skincare routine step by step, get ready with me, get ready with me, this little number.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:36]:
Yeah, the puffy headbands, the flower headbands.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:39]:
That thing pisses me off.
Amanda Lowin [00:14:41]:
Now I do think people are doing too much comments on it whenever she sees it. I hate that thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:45]:
People are doing too much with their skin. I agree. And there probably is something to like— if same thing with washing your hair, I've heard a lot of people say like shampoo and conditioner ruins your hair. So you should just never use it.
Amanda Lowin [00:14:56]:
And I'm like, that is like, my hair's so oily. Like, if I don't—
Leslie Johnston [00:14:59]:
I know, but apparently they say if you don't use it, that apparently your body just like naturally adjusts. But I'm like, I'm not gonna—
Amanda Lowin [00:15:06]:
like, are you gonna be oily for a few weeks and just like own it?
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:09]:
Yeah, I did. I knew a girl who did this in college. She like had to rehab her hair. So for the end— and with summer, you can kind of do this because you're kind of just like, you're like, oh, I just got out of the outside.
Amanda Lowin [00:15:20]:
No, literally. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:21]:
And she was lifeguarding.
Amanda Lowin [00:15:22]:
Oh nice.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:23]:
But I think it was like a salt— she, she didn't do the chlorine thing or whatever, but she literally trained her hair over the course of the summer. There's a whole program you can do to detox your hair of shampoo and conditioner, and then your hair builds back its normal natural texture where it doesn't get oily.
Amanda Lowin [00:15:37]:
And she never washed her hair.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:38]:
That's amazing.
Amanda Lowin [00:15:39]:
I need to do that. That's some, that's some good stuff.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:41]:
I like it. That's art.
Amanda Lowin [00:15:42]:
Life imitates art.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:44]:
Uh, this is an on-the-spot question.
Amanda Lowin [00:15:46]:
Uh-huh.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:47]:
What's like a funny story you have of Morgan growing up? Like something where you were like, this was the craziest moment with Morgan, or like the funniest or something. Something growing up that was like an iconic Morgan moment.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:57]:
I think I know what you're about to say.
Amanda Lowin [00:15:58]:
I have a favorite and I have it documented somewhere, so maybe clip it into the podcast. But, um, Morgan and Kristen used to throw down. They'd be throwing down in the middle of the living room. We would all kind of like get into like little mini like wars with each other.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:14]:
Yes.
Amanda Lowin [00:16:14]:
But like specifically Morgan and Kristen. I also would sometimes get into it, but I feel like I was enough removed as like the youngest sibling to where I wasn't always in the beef. And I don't know why, but one day Morgan and Kristen were going back and forth and Morgan was chasing Kristen around the house with a glass of water, like kind of joking around. And in the middle of the living room, tosses it onto Kristen, like fully dry. And like Morgan tosses water onto Kristen, just so unhinged. And then it started like a whole thing where they're like running around. Kristen's holding Morgan's backpack over the pool, threatening to drop it in with her laptop in it. Like there was a whole—
Leslie Johnston [00:16:47]:
like it went from joking to serious.
Amanda Lowin [00:16:48]:
Do you remember this really quick? I feel like we've recently watched this video and it's one of my favorites. She vlogged the whole thing. Oh my God, there was nothing else to do except for document because this was like a history-making moment. So it was so good. It was just like the pranks. I bet that's so fun. Morgan loved to like do like a little prank that would kind of like stir up a little something and then she kind of run away.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:09]:
But Kristen was always stronger than me, so if I would start it, I, I don't know why I ever thought that I could get away with it, cuz I would start it and then Kristen would come over the top and be she like beat my butt.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:19]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:17:20]:
And then it was like always game over, and then I was always the one hurt.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:23]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:17:24]:
Another one like that is that Morgan would get some like ice water and I'd be showering in a hot shower and she'd go over the top and then dump it over the hot shower, and I'm just like, oh my gosh. That is neither of those are what I thought you were gonna say.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:37]:
What do you think I was gonna say?
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:38]:
I thought you were gonna talk about the time where we were in the car and Amanda— I could tell that she was watching me No, and that's my favorite actually.
Amanda Lowin [00:17:45]:
This one's better. So we're in the car and I don't know where we're going, but me and Morgan are both in the bucket seats in the back. And Morgan— I'm just like chilling. I don't have my phone on me, so I'm just looking around.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:57]:
She's watching me.
Amanda Lowin [00:17:58]:
Yeah, I was just like watching over what she was doing. She was fiddling with her stuff or something like that. I watched her pull out this like bottle of like Advil or ibuprofen or something, and since she knows I'm watching her, she pours like a whole pours the whole thing of it into, like, not just one or two, like, pill capsules. She pours the whole thing, like a whole handful into her hands and then slowly, like, brings it towards her mouth. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then she starts laughing. I wanted to see what happened. I was like, oh my gosh, what was I about to see just now? Are you for real?
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:27]:
I wanted to see if she would stop me or if she would let me go through with pouring this entire handful of Advil into my hand and take it. That was good.
Amanda Lowin [00:18:33]:
That was crazy. I didn't realize you're such a prankster. I don't know that I, and I don't think I still am.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:41]:
I know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:41]:
I'm reliving all this and I'm like, why am I?
Leslie Johnston [00:18:43]:
I'm like, that's hilarious.
Amanda Lowin [00:18:45]:
It's so funny. Like what happened?
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:46]:
That was crazy.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:47]:
No, that's hilarious. Wow.
Amanda Lowin [00:18:49]:
It was so good.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:49]:
Your guys' house sounds so fun to grow up in.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:51]:
Honestly, an all-girl household gives you a certain vibe that a mixed household doesn't. Yes.
Amanda Lowin [00:18:59]:
Very intense.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:59]:
My dad would probably say that it was not his most fun.
Amanda Lowin [00:19:02]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:03]:
But We live different. Like, yeah, you're all going to the bathroom with the door open. Yeah. To this day I get in trouble at our house cuz like we're married, it's just me and Benji and he's like, he's like, we don't go to the bathroom with the door open. I'm like, I grew up in an all-girl household. We did everything ever.
Amanda Lowin [00:19:18]:
My house was like tiptoe around.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:19]:
Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's hilarious. Can you tell everybody the quick version of how you and Cade met? Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:19:26]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:26]:
Love at first sight.
Amanda Lowin [00:19:27]:
DM slide.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:28]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:19:29]:
AKA the 2026 version of love at first sight. Yes. Yes. He slid into my DMs and said my Instagram handle is Kung Fu Manda.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:37]:
Yes.
Amanda Lowin [00:19:38]:
And he slid into my DMs and said, hey, Kung Fu Manda, want to do karate in the garage? I'm like, is this allowed? Were you with us?
Leslie Johnston [00:19:49]:
Were you with us when he slid into your— I feel like you were here in San Francisco.
Amanda Lowin [00:19:52]:
I was fresh off of our first date whenever I came to visit you. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cuz we were debriefing the first date and everything like that, and then we So we had our first date, 5 months go by, we had a second date, and then that's whenever like it hit me that I was like, oh, I'm interested in this guy. But yep, the DM slide did it. And you were like, DM success story.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:10]:
What does this mean?
Amanda Lowin [00:20:11]:
Yeah, I was like, should I be like scared? Have you guys ever done karate in the garage? I'm like, are we allowed to do karate in the garage before marriage? I don't think so. That's just kidding. That is so funny. No, it's hilarious. And what's so funny is like talking to him now is he like didn't, that didn't even cross his mind that that would be like like weird.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:31]:
Also so innocent. So funny now to think.
Amanda Lowin [00:20:34]:
Yeah, so funny.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:35]:
To another person that might have been like, ew, what are you saying? But to Cade, that was like purely wholesome content. Yeah, he was trying to make a plan here. Okay, also, we were talking this other day, 5 months goes by between your first day and your second date. So why is that? So because this, to me, is groundbreaking. He hates this.
Amanda Lowin [00:20:53]:
He hates the story, but I love it because I think it just makes it— I think it just makes it fun. So first date, I had literally like had been on— I think going on a date with Cade was like my third date ever. I had been on like two like kind of like dates-ish maybe before, but nothing like actually serious or formal. So my dating history was like non-existent before this. Had never like dated a guy, kissed a guy, anything like that. So we're on our first date and I'm like enjoying it, like it's going really fun, it's chill, we're getting to know each other because we had never even met before. Like we were meeting and on a date for the first time all in one.
Leslie Johnston [00:21:26]:
That's crazy.
Amanda Lowin [00:21:27]:
And then at the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me, and I like froze up. I could not handle it. I couldn't handle it. I was like, no. And now it's so funny because I'm like, oh, like, that's not really that deep. Like, yeah, like, it would have been fine if we like did or didn't, but I just like— I had never kissed anybody, so I was like, no, that is a big deal when it's your first kiss. I was like, uh, no. And then I like rolled up my window, my car window, and like drove off.
Amanda Lowin [00:21:58]:
I'm so glad that he asked. That was so kind of him to ask and not just like assume that I like wanted that and like go for it. For sure. I was like, I was like this, I was like, fade out. It just like panicked me so much. And so then I was like, okay, like I can't, like it freaked me out. It icked me out a little bit.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:18]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:22:19]:
And for him it was like, he was so upset. He was like, man, I did not mean to fumble this. Like, I, like, I shouldn't have even asked. Like, I don't know why I did that. It's all this time goes by.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:26]:
Like, his mind, it's like, it's going well.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:28]:
Yeah, but you're probably there, but it was just like, it was your first, like—
Amanda Lowin [00:22:32]:
Exactly. And so then the time goes by. Every now and then we're kind of DMing each other because we had some mutual friends. We're like, oh, are you going to be at this thing? Like, whatever, kind of just keeping in touch.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:41]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:22:41]:
On things. Or he had messaged me and was like, hey, like, like, look at this cool t-shirt that I thrifted. It had like Willie Nelson on it because I was really into like old country music. And then he was coming back to Lubbock where I was in school at the time and asked if we could meet up to hang out and go on a date maybe. And I was like, okay.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:58]:
But I had like months later, this is like 5-ish months later.
Amanda Lowin [00:23:01]:
I had all these friends that were like, okay, like you need to be really specific in your communication about, about this. Make sure that it's like clear expectations on both sides about what this is. And I was like, yes. I was like, you're so right. I was like, I need to tell him that it's not a date. So I like went out of my way to message him and be like, Yes, I would love to hang out, but just to make sure we're on the same page, this is not a date, right?
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:22]:
Girl, I have so much appreciation for Cade right now.
Amanda Lowin [00:23:25]:
You are crazy.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:26]:
I really was.
Amanda Lowin [00:23:27]:
I literally went into this and I'm like, I'm pissed at myself. This is so rude and annoying. You're like too direct. Like, you're intentional.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:33]:
But you know what? When you've got all these girls in your ear, like all your friends being like, you gotta do this, da da da da da, then you're like, yeah, of course I have to do this.
Amanda Lowin [00:23:39]:
Like, send. Exactly. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And he's like so nice. He's like, yeah, definitely. That sounds great. And then in his mind, he's like, of course it's a date. Like, what did you think this is? Like, why are we hanging out?
Leslie Johnston [00:23:49]:
Why are we hanging out one-on-one?
Amanda Lowin [00:23:51]:
He knew the whole time. He's like, we're gonna be together eventually. I'm not worried about it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:53]:
Oh my God. He said that.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:55]:
My gosh.
Amanda Lowin [00:23:55]:
And then we hung out and it was so casual. I had like wet hair from a shower, like t-shirts and like shorts.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:00]:
You went out of your way to be like, this is so not an easy time.
Amanda Lowin [00:24:02]:
I went out of my way to be that casual. And then I was like, dang it. I was like, I'm attracted to him. Crap, what have I done?
Leslie Johnston [00:24:08]:
Can I go dry my hair really quick? That is so—
Amanda Lowin [00:24:11]:
Literally, I'm like, where's the Dyson when you need it? Yeah, for real. Here we are, living proof you can recover. 3 and a half years married with a dog.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:21]:
Oh my gosh, with Cookie. Wait, so when was your first kiss and was he like scared out of his mind?
Amanda Lowin [00:24:27]:
Yes, we were both scared cuz we had to like talk it through. It was, it was the second time that I saw him after he came to Lubbock and I was interested. Okay. I had to tell him by the end of the weekend, I had to tell him, hey, never mind, I'm like down to go on dates with you.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:41]:
Okay.
Amanda Lowin [00:24:41]:
I thought you were going to say down, like, like, ball was— oh, by the way, I'm down to kiss. So, um, my answer is yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:47]:
So he—
Amanda Lowin [00:24:48]:
I told him that. We kept like FaceTiming and made a plan that I would come to go see him in East Texas where he was living at the time. And so we were just like hanging out over the weekend and like on like opposite ends of the couch, just like talking, whatever. And then it's like we had to like talk through every like milestone, like, should we hold hands? Like, okay, yeah, we can. So I made it so— that honestly gave him trauma. I literally caused trauma for him. And so, um, yeah, we had to like talk through everything, and then it was kind of fun and like goofy that way.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:16]:
All these details are coming back to me. Your first kiss, there was like a specific vibe.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:23]:
Oh wait, I'm curious.
Amanda Lowin [00:25:26]:
I forget about all these details. Song? There was a song. There was some kind of rock song playing in the car. What was it? It was, it was the song, it was, it's like, no, how did I forget? Smoke, Smoke on the Water. Smoke on the Water.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:43]:
Yeah, we were like, vibes were set.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:47]:
The last thing that just came to my memory, then we can move on. Did you bring something on one of your dates to start conversation in case it got dead?
Leslie Johnston [00:25:54]:
Wait, I remember this.
Amanda Lowin [00:25:56]:
I did.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:56]:
What was this?
Amanda Lowin [00:25:59]:
I feel like we've talked about this. I brought finger puppets.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:05]:
Halle's off camera right now and she's dying.
Amanda Lowin [00:26:07]:
In what world? I just, I knew there had to be like, just in case.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:10]:
Was this a wet hair date?
Amanda Lowin [00:26:11]:
I mean, we were meeting We were meeting in Waco, Texas, between Tyler and like Round Rock, Austin area.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:18]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:26:18]:
So like we were going to be together for at least like quite a few hours. And so I'm like, okay, if we don't have something to talk about, I guess I got finger puppets in my purse. And they like— literally, it was a horse. There was one of them was a head, and the other four were all like the hands and feet of the horse, and one was like a tail maybe. And so I had— I never had to get them out, but they were in my purse.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:37]:
Walk us through If there was a scenario where you—
Amanda Lowin [00:26:40]:
Okay, so we had this conversation before she went on the date.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:44]:
She, she showed us them and said, if we don't have anything to talk about, I'm gonna pull these out. And I asked, I said, explain to me in what scenario and how will you execute this?
Amanda Lowin [00:26:55]:
Because I'm not seeing the vision. What was your plan? Didn't have one. Improv.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:03]:
That actually is the craziest thing I've heard on a date.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:07]:
That is so crazy.
Amanda Lowin [00:27:08]:
So funny.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:08]:
Oh, that—
Amanda Lowin [00:27:09]:
I forgot about that. That is crazy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:11]:
I forgot about so many of those details.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:13]:
Gosh, that is so good. So yes, you recovered from the ick. That's actually really good to know.
Amanda Lowin [00:27:18]:
Recovered from the ick.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:19]:
Yeah, it's great.
Amanda Lowin [00:27:19]:
One ick does not— should you— you don't run away over one ick.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:24]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:24]:
How many icks do you run away over?
Leslie Johnston [00:27:26]:
Two.
Amanda Lowin [00:27:26]:
Just kidding. I don't know, you might have more.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:31]:
It's fine. Funny. Oh my gosh, I love that. So now you guys are just living your dream out in— living the life, living the dream out in Where, where do you live?
Amanda Lowin [00:27:38]:
Georgetown, Texas.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:39]:
Georgetown, Texas.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:41]:
What's the area code?
Amanda Lowin [00:27:42]:
78626. No, the area code. Zip code.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:50]:
What's the area code to the phone numbers in Georgetown, Texas?
Amanda Lowin [00:27:55]:
512, baby. I am, I am off my game this weekend because, dude, no, yes, that was yesterday. Yesterday we're driving to, uh what's it called, Yosemite, to Yosemite together. And Waylon has this most adorable onesie on. It is so cute, and it has like all these little— it's, it's like the armor of God, and it has all like the different armor of God things on it. And I see it at first, I'm like, oh my gosh, fruits of the spirit, that's so cute. Morgan's like, nice try, it's the armor of God. And I'm like, oh, I better lock in.
Amanda Lowin [00:28:24]:
That's so funny. That's okay.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:27]:
Today in our, uh, Easter meeting, we were talking about Palm Sunday, and I'm like, can someone just give me like a quick synopsis of what Palm Sunday is again.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:36]:
The problem with Palm Sunday is that it's like, it's so redheaded stepchild to the Resurrection Sunday. So everyone's like, what?
Leslie Johnston [00:28:44]:
Everyone's like, catch you on Good Friday. Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:28:48]:
Oh my gosh.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:49]:
Okay.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:50]:
So down now that we're, now we're getting into it.
Amanda Lowin [00:28:52]:
Let's get real about it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:54]:
Um, okay. So let's talk about, there's two things we would kind of wanted to talk with you about per a conversation that we had with you before. For this. Yeah. The first one is that, and we can talk about this sort of briefly and then get into like the, the more meaty one. But the first one is you work as a public school teacher.
Amanda Lowin [00:29:10]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:11]:
As a Christian, we don't have a lot, like I feel like we have a lot of like ministry leaders in this podcast.
Amanda Lowin [00:29:17]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:17]:
We've had a few, uh, like secular workplace leaders come in and talk about how they're able to make their faith something that they're still being evangelistic about, and they're like actively trying to spread the gospel while also being in a secular workplace environment.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:34]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:34]:
And you're in a public school, so can you speak a little bit to how you've navigated your faith and being honest and open about your faith, but also being in a public school with limitations that have been like imposed on you?
Amanda Lowin [00:29:48]:
Yeah, this has been like a learning curve for sure, because I feel like as for Christians, on like one side of things, we want to be like super obedient to like where the Spirit leads us in terms of just like, I don't care about any of the rules. Like, I'm gonna say whatever I want to about the gospel and go forward like that. But I feel like also on the other hand, sometimes like the Holy Spirit leads us in a more like nonchalant way with like your evangelism and how you impact other people. And so I feel like I've learned the balance of that, of like listening to the Spirit on when to be bold and when to, to kind of disregard like the limitations, and then also like when to be more prayerful than I am like saying things out loud necessarily. And so, I feel like that's been a cool learning experience of trying to listen to God and his leading on what he wants me to do and when, whether it's with students or coworkers. I feel like with students, it's cool because obviously, like I'm not supposed to impose my religious things onto them. But of course, I know that I want them to be in the kingdom of God and like for them to have a relationship with Jesus. And so, It's cool, especially whenever I meet a student that I know has some kind of like start a relationship with the Lord.
Amanda Lowin [00:30:54]:
There was a girl, I have a dance team, and I have dance classes that I do. And so I had a conversation with a girl who was talking to me about, you know, kind of like her stress with wanting to be good enough for her family and wanting to show up and help them well. And she has these anxious thoughts that she is never good enough. And then it was a perfect segue. I could feel the Holy Spirit telling me, hey, ask her if she knows me, or like, or ask her like about how she copes with the anxiety. And she was able to start the conversation saying, you know, like, I've kind of been interested in like having a relationship with God. And it was the perfect opportunity. We got to like pray together in the locker room, which I feel like my admin would not like to hear.
Amanda Lowin [00:31:30]:
Maybe, I don't know if that's like allowed.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:32]:
Yeah, it's two things.
Amanda Lowin [00:31:33]:
But I mean, it's cool whenever like the Spirit leads a certain question and then it's like student-led, like how we can get into the conversation. So getting to minister to people in those ways where it's not like a public thing, but it's like a one-on-one. And she knows now that anytime she wants to talk about something, Or even just like praying for them in my car on the way to work, asking for the Spirit to lead me on like who to spend extra time investing in that day, praying for my coworkers. And it's just been cool and hard because I want, it's like, there's a, I don't know if it's the enemy's voice or something in my head that's always like, you're not evangelizing enough. Like you are not being intentional enough at your workplace because you're not like sharing the gospel out loud every single day. But I feel like I've had to, also remember that the provision of God and like what he's doing in the whole world is so much bigger than like me thinking that I have to say everything out loud every day. And I'm not gonna mess up what he's gonna accomplish. And so, it's been cool and hard trying to like discern what his voice is, figure out like, am I having my own ideas on what I should do right now? Or is this actually the Holy Spirit leading me into whatever I'm doing? So, it's been challenging, but also really special because I feel like whatever.
Amanda Lowin [00:32:44]:
I would love to be in like— I think that being in ministry is so cool, like it's amazing. But there's something really cool about being around like mostly non-believers every single day. And I feel like there's a very specific call to anyone who's in those kind of environments. And so I'm just like trying to soak it all in and just be as on it as possible. I don't always do a good job at it. Sometimes I'm like driving to work and I'm like, oh my gosh, like music off. Locked in, not feeling it today. But I feel like also he can use me in those moments too.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:13]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:33:13]:
So that's what I think.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:14]:
We forget what I love what you said is like listening to the Spirit to be like, you gotta help me guide in this conversation because it's not a great witness to people if you're like, now there's a time and place probably to disobey rules and be like, I'm just going for it cuz I feel like that's where God's leading me. But I also feel like it's not a great like witness to be like, oh, I'm just like blowing past all of the rules that people have and all of that. But I also love that it's like you saying, oh, I'm listening to the Holy Spirit and he's guiding me because some people don't, like, if I were not a Christian, I would not do well with somebody who just comes in guns blazing. No. And is like, you need to, like, I would be like, and I'm gonna do whatever the opposite of what you're doing is.
Amanda Lowin [00:33:57]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:57]:
And so I think for certain people it's like God knows that person well enough. So it's like you having kind of that like, slow drip on, like, you know, evangelizing to them actually can be exactly what God knows that their heart needs. So I love that. I think that's awesome.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:15]:
Well, the other thing to think about too is if all Christians went into their secular places of work and disregarded all rules and were just like bold— and I say bold not in the positive way of like, yeah, blow past rules and like abrasive, abrasive— if all Christians did that, then we would not have any Christians.
Amanda Lowin [00:34:34]:
It'll get fired.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:35]:
It would all be gone.
Amanda Lowin [00:34:36]:
We would have no Christian politicians.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:38]:
We'd have no Christian public school teachers. We'd have no Christian anything. So it's like, I like that. Like there's an art and a subtlety. Evangelism is bold and it's subtle. And you're talking about like a, like, is it also evangelism to drive on the way to school and to pray for people or to like be in your classroom and be praying for people in the moments where you're not allowed to like boldly preach the gospel. I think that's a really cool perspective. So if you're battling the same thought that you're having of like, am I doing enough? Am I doing this right? Am I doing the evangelism thing right? I think getting creative about how you're doing it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:15]:
I have one follow-up question to that because I think sometimes I work at a church and sometimes it's hard for me to like keep motivated to have my relationship with God. And I work at a church.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:32]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:32]:
Like my literal Wednesday morning meeting is a worship service.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:36]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:37]:
But then I think about someone like you and I'm like, how do you stay locked in with the Holy Spirit? It's a grind.
Amanda Lowin [00:35:45]:
Well, I'm like not doing the best at it, but yeah, I'm just kidding. It's hard, but I feel like community. Like community is it completely. Like having people who are also in different grinds, different workplaces, who are also just doing the best, doing their best in whatever capacity to like, stay tight with Jesus, whether it's like regular time in the word, time in prayer, time in meditation, just having other people who are doing it too, and you know, are gonna check in on you and you can check in on them. Me and my friend Ashley, who's in our small group, we text each other scripture to hold each other accountable. It's like reading your Bible. So it's like, I know that that she read her Bible that morning, she texts me a verse. And then I'll like see like a week pass in our texts that I haven't sent her anything.
Amanda Lowin [00:36:25]:
And I'm like, "Oof, I need to text her like 5 at once." You're like, "John 3:16." John 3:16, baby. And so, I feel like that is— community is like key. I feel like just doing life with people who are also doing their best. And I'm never like consistent all the time. I would love to be the person who's like, "Oh, I never miss a day in the Word." But the goal is to be in the word every day and to be like in prayer every day, leaning on the Lord. Because I can tell in seasons where I'm not, when I'm like falling short of that, I can tell like at work, whether my patience is low or I haven't even thought about trying to be intentional that day with a student or a coworker. And so I can tell a difference of whenever I've been like, you know, intentional with the Holy Spirit or I haven't. It affects my day, my interactions and things like that.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:10]:
So I love that. Like, it's actually so much hard. I don't even know it's harder, but like being in ministry, I think people think a lot like, oh, you're in ministry. Like, that's so awesome. You must get to just like do ministry all day long. A lot of ministry is kind of similar to like regular work where you're working on projects or events or something. And it's cool. And also a lot for people in the secular world like you, where you're like, every day there's kind of that weight of responsibility of like, am I doing my job and evangelizing and treating people like Jesus? This, where sometimes in ministry you can get so relaxed because you're surrounded by a lot of Christians that it's like, I'm just going to work doing my thing and I'm not super worried about— no, yeah, but you know, like impacting people because I'm like, oh, they're already saved.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:55]:
And it's like, yeah, like even thinking, I'm like, I just have so much empathy and respect for people who are like, every day I kind of hold the weight of being like a, like a witness, you know, of like, oh, I need to be acting like Jesus.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:09]:
And 100%.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:09]:
Because they're watching me seeing what I do and I'm like, that's a, that's a big weight to carry.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:13]:
It's a huge weight to carry.
Amanda Lowin [00:38:15]:
Y'all's is a grind too. I mean, y'all are like, we're just doing this.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:19]:
We're just doing this.
Amanda Lowin [00:38:19]:
We're just chilling actually.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:21]:
But no, it's true. It's like, it's like on a typical, you know, given workday, which for us is either in our office with other Christians or it's on a Sunday where the majority of people are there because they want to be there. Like they're, they're at least interested in this or else they wouldn't be there. But then I think about you and all the students that you have, and it's like you're literally surrounded by people that are not there because they want to be Christians. They're there because they are attending public school because they have to, which means that you're literally in the world having to like figure out how to listen to God and maybe win souls for the kingdom of God. And that's—
Leslie Johnston [00:38:56]:
and do your job.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:57]:
And do your job. Which I feel like—
Amanda Lowin [00:38:58]:
and teach them dance. Also teach them how to do a cross ball change. Yeah. Crazy. I feel like change is the best dance term that you could have chosen for that moment. Cross ball change and follow Jesus. Yeah, no, yeah, it's, it's crazy. It's like if I overthink it, I'm like, I'm kind of stressed out cuz I'm like, we got work to do, let's do this thing.
Amanda Lowin [00:39:18]:
But then also I have to remember that like the Spirit has empathy too for like my strengths and my shortcomings. And so I know that he's the one who gives the growth and I'm going to do my best with what I've got.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:28]:
Exactly.
Amanda Lowin [00:39:29]:
And of course we can always be doing better, but I can't overthink it.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:32]:
Like, you're not Jesus, but you can No, can't show, can't.
Amanda Lowin [00:39:35]:
Sorry, simply can't.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:36]:
Can't.
Amanda Lowin [00:39:37]:
Busy.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:38]:
Can't cross ball change.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:39]:
Can't.
Amanda Lowin [00:39:40]:
Too busy cross ball change. Too busy. That's so funny.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:43]:
This is kind of a subject change, but we were talking about this the other, the other day and you were, um, like super vulnerable and honest about it. But, um, talk about like the timing of life and we were, we were just, the three of us were like shooting the breeze and we were talking about how like the timing of life and how things happen and how you think they're hap— how you think they're gonna happen, and then you compare them to other people's schedules and other people's things, and it just feels like, yeah, life can really kick you in the stomach or something.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:14]:
I heard that edit.
Amanda Lowin [00:40:16]:
Yeah, exactly.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:17]:
Things that you like think are gonna happen in a certain way, but like maybe like, yeah, you're having to trust God's timing right now.
Amanda Lowin [00:40:22]:
Yeah, definitely. So what Morgan's talking about is kind of me and Cade's current season. Oh, I hate that. It's so cringe.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:30]:
It's not great.
Amanda Lowin [00:40:30]:
No, not season. Um, not season is better. I'm a current journey.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:35]:
Yeah. Life stage.
Amanda Lowin [00:40:37]:
Our current thing we got going on is that we want to start a family and have kids, which is so exciting and crazy, but it's also like harder than we realized it was gonna be. And for some people, they get pregnant accidentally and that is absolutely amazing. And for us, it's been like longer than I thought. I'm like, I feel like I'm a very optimistic person. So in my head I was like, I'm going to stop taking birth control. We'll be pregnant in 2 months. It's going to be epic. Like, I had no idea.
Amanda Lowin [00:41:03]:
And so we've been, quote unquote, trying to have kids or start a family for like close to a year. It'll be like a year at summer. And it has not like happened as fast as I thought. And so I also am wanting to say this, knowing that so many people have it harder than me. And like, I understand, like, even like thinking about Christy's podcast, like people go through some hard stuff, whether like they get pregnant and they lose their child or they have stillbirths. Like, there are so many just broken situations out there. And so I want to acknowledge that, like, it could be God's provision for me that I have not, like, walked into something like that quite yet.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:36]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:41:36]:
But I also don't want that to stop me from talking about it.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:39]:
No, because pain is pain, and what everyone's going through is so unique and different, but it's still all very hard.
Amanda Lowin [00:41:45]:
Yeah, it's like— yeah, yeah. And so that's been kind of interesting. I feel like I've had to lean on the Lord and community just for support in that, because I think it's one of those things that, you know, you go through your life and you expect all the different milestones. Like, I expect to, you know, get married one day. I expect to have kids. And you don't always think about how, okay, like, for me, this might not actually go like how I'm wanting it to go. And so with kind of like the longer time period that it's been taking, it's been interesting having to like check back in with the Lord and, you know, figure out, okay, well, what is his plan for me? Because I figured that this was like a great plan in my head. I was like, okay, we'll just kind of like start this process whenever and then it'll happen, but it has not happened yet.
Amanda Lowin [00:42:23]:
So that's been interesting having to like navigate. Yeah, that with the Lord. Yeah. Um, and I also— I say this like humbly, but I feel like the Lord has not made me wait for very much in my life. So I feel like this is a very intentional season on his part. Like we've talked about, I got married so young, I was like literally 21 years old. Yeah, I was like an infant.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:43]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:42:43]:
And so I have not had to wait very much for many things. I feel like a lot of my desires like have been granted quickly by the Lord, which is such a gift. And so this is like the one desire so far in in my life that has not been granted quickly. And so I feel like it's almost a grace from him that I've had to lean into trusting his timing and learning, you know, that his provision doesn't always look like I think it's gonna look, and it's still good. And it's still the best thing for me, even if we, you know, can never have our own kids, and we have to start a family a different way, his plan is still good. And so like preaching that to myself, while still holding the same in the same hand or same in the other hand, that I can still grieve not having my desires while also recognizing like his goodness and his sovereignty over my life.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:23]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:43:23]:
So it's been interesting but also good for me. Yeah. To go through.
Morgan May Treuil [00:43:28]:
Yeah. What do you feel like, cuz that's like, that's a really beautiful way of looking at it. And we've had conversations about this too, and I've been, I've been beyond impressed with— I feel like everyone we talk to right now that's navigating a, like, a different journey than they thought when it comes to fertility or childbirth, it's like the ways that you guys are walking through it is blowing me away. Like, it teaches me you so much about leaning on God and trusting him, and your perspective is just very mature. Yeah. In your more like harder moments of thinking through it, yeah, what is your— like, what do your conversations with— I guess I'm— what I'm asking is like, for the people that are maybe in a similar situation to you, where whether it's like children or another life event that they're looking forward to, and it's not coming in the way that they thought it would, what's the thing like How, how do you navigate that with your relationship with God? Like, how do you, how do you walk through that and still remember or believe that God's good when it's like, this is something that you really want.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:25]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:26]:
And, and it's been a, a year now of like wanting this and then not getting it. It's like, what is that? What's that internal dialogue with you and God look like?
Amanda Lowin [00:44:35]:
Mm-hmm. I guess is the question. I feel like the first thing that comes to my mind with that is the thought that I know is not helpful that comes to my mind is, is God holding out on me? This thing, from giving me this good— I know this is a good desire of my heart. So why is he not wanting to grant it if this is something that he invented? And he like, this was his idea. It's so cool. And it's so glorifying to him. So why would he not give it to me? And like, you want this? But also, I have to remember that God is not holding out on me because like, he literally gave us— he didn't even withhold his own son from us. So why am I going to think that, you know, he would withhold anything good for me if he didn't even withhold his son? To save my life.
Amanda Lowin [00:45:12]:
And so I have to like, reshift my perspective to just because it's my desire does not mean that like, this is not the good thing that God has for me right now. He has so many good things for me right now. The whole like, dual income, no kids season is so much fun, like getting to hang out with friends, we have so much flexibility to do whatever, there are so many amazing things to this season. And so I have to honestly go to prayer. I think you've said this before in one of the podcasts, but like, you have to just go to him in prayer of thanksgiving. And then you start to remember, like all of the ways that he's provided for me right now that I forget about whenever I'm like stuck in my own desires. And like, okay, well, this is what I want. Here are all the things that I want that you haven't given me, but I have to shift my mindset to, okay, while yes, that is true, these are the desires of my heart.
Amanda Lowin [00:45:55]:
I'm giving it to you, Lord. I still want these things. You haven't given them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:57]:
I don't know why.
Amanda Lowin [00:45:58]:
But also, here are all these amazing things that you have set me up with.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:01]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:46:02]:
One, my salvation. Two, like all these other awesome blessings. So how am I not going to celebrate those and like forget all the ways you showed up for me?
Leslie Johnston [00:46:09]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:46:09]:
Um, so I feel like that's one thing that is tough.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:13]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:46:13]:
To think about is like, is he holding out on me?
Leslie Johnston [00:46:15]:
Yes.
Amanda Lowin [00:46:15]:
The answer is no. But I think it's a human thing to like question him in those seasons for sure. Of like, okay, well why, why are we not doing this?
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:22]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:46:22]:
This is a good thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:23]:
But I love that. Thanks for being very open about this.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:26]:
First of all.
Amanda Lowin [00:46:27]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:27]:
Yeah. I feel like so good. Something we always try to do on this podcast is not just get people who are out of the season. Yeah. Talking about stuff, but who. Are actually in it right now.
Amanda Lowin [00:46:37]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:37]:
And so I feel the same way about you sharing this as I felt about Kristi talking about the miscarriage stuff. Yeah. It was like, you're not like on the other side going like, oh, I, I got what I wanted and now I can look back on that season.
Amanda Lowin [00:46:48]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:48]:
But you're in it, which I think is so cool to be open and honest about.
Amanda Lowin [00:46:52]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:53]:
Um, what do you, how has it been? Only cuz I think everybody can relate no matter what season you're in. Mm-hmm. Is like when you are in a season of something that you want and a lot of people around you are getting.
Morgan May Treuil [00:47:03]:
Mm-hmm.
Leslie Johnston [00:47:04]:
Exactly the thing, you know, like you're, you're probably at the age just like we all are at where it's like lots of people are having kids and I'm sure your friends are like, obviously Morgan just had a baby and like there's such good things about that and hard things.
Amanda Lowin [00:47:16]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:47:16]:
Like how have you navigated that?
Amanda Lowin [00:47:18]:
Yeah, it's been, it's, that's kind of a new thing. Mm-hmm. Cause I feel like we haven't had to walk through, you know, people getting the thing while I want it until like literally a few weeks ago. I feel like it happened and I was like, whoa. Like I didn't realize it felt like this whenever. Mm-hmm. This happens. But a few weeks ago, one of our like friend couples told us that they are pregnant with their second baby after like 2 months of trying, which is incredible.
Amanda Lowin [00:47:40]:
We're like, oh my gosh, like that is so exciting. We love y'all, um, you're incredible. But then it was so like difficult. I was not expecting how difficult it would be in my heart to train myself. Okay, like, oh, like I feel grieved a little bit because I'm like, oh, you're so amazing. Like, I wish that it was like that fast for us. But at the same time, I'm so happy for my friends. So like, Lord, help me in this moment to not think about myself and to think about them and celebrate them in this moment because It's hard.
Amanda Lowin [00:48:04]:
I did not expect that. I was like, no, it'll always be easy because I'm so excited for everybody. But it's like, crap, like the sinful part of me is comparing like my timeframe. And I need to not compare timeframes because I know that like his timing for us is good. But that is difficult. And I've had friends who have demonstrated it so gracefully. I have a friend who is amazing. And her and her husband have had their first baby who was stillborn.
Amanda Lowin [00:48:28]:
And he is like precious. And we love him and celebrate him so regularly, and then had another miscarriage after that. And in the middle of a season where like everybody around us is pregnant and having healthy babies. And so it's like watching them walk through that situation so faithfully has taught me so much about how to show up as a friend and just as like a person around whenever you are wanting something so badly and like God hasn't given it to you yet. Yeah, but still celebrating other people. Well, I feel like I've learned so much about God's heart, like through that couple. Like, they're so amazing. And so people are doing it really well.
Amanda Lowin [00:48:59]:
And I feel like you can only do it well with Jesus. And I'm still like learning what that's like. I don't really know like how to do it well. I'm trying to figure it out right now as of like 2 weeks ago. Yeah. But I think just like leaning on him for like, okay, I don't have this joy in my heart right now for like all these great things happening around me. So Lord, please give it to me because like I do love these people and like want the best for them. And I know that like their, their good thing doesn't like make my thing any less.
Amanda Lowin [00:49:22]:
Like I need to celebrate them regardless of if I have the good circumstance or not.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:26]:
So follow-up question to that. What are things that people have said or talked through, or whether it's like maybe your friends that have like, you know, babies or are pregnant and have said things to you that have been really helpful.
Amanda Lowin [00:49:40]:
Mm-hmm.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:40]:
Things that are like, that's what I wanna hear. Not maybe, and you don't have to say like what people have said that's not great, but, or you can, but, oh, you want to?
Morgan May Treuil [00:49:47]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:49:47]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:48]:
Like what if things that maybe have been helpful, what things are not helpful? Cause I think a lot of people, I think everybody knows someone right now.
Amanda Lowin [00:49:55]:
Mm-hmm.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:55]:
Who's in your shoes.
Amanda Lowin [00:49:56]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:56]:
Whether it's them or they know somebody or someone close to them. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So it's always helpful to hear like, Hey, what are helpful things to say?
Amanda Lowin [00:50:02]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:03]:
Or talk about or ask?
Amanda Lowin [00:50:04]:
Yeah. I feel like it's nice when people like check in one-on-one and they're like, hey, like, how is that going? Like, I know that y'all are like wanting to start a family. How are you doing? Like, we haven't heard like an announcement yet. So I'm assuming this, like, how are you? And just checking in on it and then not necessarily always providing advice because I feel like it's, which sometimes advice is so good and so helpful, but just someone to like listen and check in and like be praying for you. In your family. We have multiple friends who were like praying right now that that would be the case for us, including like Morgan the other night prayed for us, you know, that we would be pregnant soon and that that would happen for us. But yeah, I just like people who check in regularly and don't like forget just because they're in their own season of like balancing or pregnancy or whatever. Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:50:46]:
Um, just kind of those people who haven't forgotten about your season is so awesome. Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:50]:
So you're saying people should not be afraid to ask you about that?
Amanda Lowin [00:50:54]:
No, don't be afraid. Like, I feel like it's so helpful to just start the conversation versus like avoiding it. Yeah, which is funny because I feel like I used to maybe not always like think that way. I was like, okay, I don't always— I don't want to start like a conversation if this is a sensitive subject. Like, I don't want to get you emotional right now. But I feel like I've learned that it's like, even if you get emotional, I'm so much— I'm so much more glad we're talking about it and like being real with each other, even if like one of us is crying right now. Yeah, versus like not talking about it at all, then you're alone with this thought.
Leslie Johnston [00:51:19]:
100%.
Amanda Lowin [00:51:21]:
So I feel like that's been sweet. Something— I don't know if it was like you or Mom said it too, but it's cool to think about God's provision because he could have the timing laid out with like, my future kid in mind of like, the timing that they meet their spouse, the timing that they have like, this certain career path, or they move to this place to further his kingdom. So, it's cool to think about God has so much more planned out than just meeting my— even though he loves to meet my desires, like, he has so many more things happening around this part of my life than I even know to think about. And so his plan is trustworthy. And so whether it's like having kids biologically or whether it's like adopting kids in the future, that's so cool too. But like he has intentional plans and my little brain cannot like comprehend all the different plans that he has. And so I have to like zoom out and be like, okay, I have to remember that like it's not just my tunnel vision of what I think this is, but yeah, he has so much more going on, which is hard to think about in the moment.
Morgan May Treuil [00:52:20]:
You said it was either me or Mom that said that. It was actually Chris. Kristen, who told both me and Mom that.
Leslie Johnston [00:52:26]:
I know Kristen's listening right now like, I said that, I said that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:52:29]:
Literally, Kristen told me that, and Kristen told Mom that, and I know that because Mom told me that Kristen told her that. And I was like, Kristen also told me that. I think the only person Kristen didn't tell was you, but me and Mom both told you that Kristen said that. But the perspective was so good because it was like, what if there's like a, a reason why your specific baby has has to be born at this particular time in life because of this specific moment in history that they will live in and the person that they will meet and then have. It's like we don't see the big sovereign full picture, which does not make it any less hard. Yeah, totally. Like, don't hear that. No, it's still a great thing to grieve the timing that you don't have.
Morgan May Treuil [00:53:09]:
Mm-hmm. But it does help in those moments to think like, okay, this is because my baby has to be here at this this particular time. Or to your point, what you just said, like, my baby actually is going to be this other child that becomes mine. And, you know, so there's—
Leslie Johnston [00:53:25]:
I think that's a cool perspective. I like that perspective a lot better than what some people say, which maybe it's well-meaning but it's totally not true, is like— and people say this for people who are single or whatever, they're just like, well, you're probably in a waiting season because you have to like learn something, or you have to like do this, or this is God's trying to teach you. I'm I know plenty of people who could learn a lot, but they're married right now.
Morgan May Treuil [00:53:48]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:53:48]:
They're parents, but they could have learned a lot more beforehand. So like, that's, to me, it's like, that's a crazy thing to say. And it's, you're like, God, I don't think God's doing that. God's not withholding certain things from people. Now, I think the beauty of it is like going through a season like that, there are things, I think your joy is like, I don't know, I don't know if this is a verse, maybe you can fact check it, but it's like, your joy is like more complete after experiencing hardship. Like, I think, I think this for Christy, and I actually pray this for Christy a lot where I'm like, okay, I think, and I've come to settle in my mind a little bit because I, not even being in that season, I feel the burden for people that I love, multiple people who it has not been like an easy season. And yet I've watched other people where it has been easy and I'm like, It's hard to like hold those two. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:54:41]:
But I'm like, you know what? It, there's beauty in both of those seasons.
Amanda Lowin [00:54:45]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:54:45]:
And what I think for my friends who have struggled with that is like, oh, I hope one day like your joy is even so much greater. Mm-hmm. Because you've walked through hardship.
Morgan May Treuil [00:54:56]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:54:56]:
And like so much more appreciation whenever you knew like what it was like to have the lack.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:00]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [00:55:00]:
Of something.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:01]:
I just literally just talked to a girl the other day who had miscarried and then she got pregnant a little while later. And she's like, during that pregnancy and that baby, she's like, I was really scared cuz I had known what could have happened. Mm-hmm. But she's like, my joy was so much greater on the other side of it because she's like, I knew what, like, it was like to lose something. Mm-hmm. Or I knew what it was like to wait. And so it was like, even during the hard seasons of it, which her previous kids, she's like, there were hard seasons, but even in this one, it felt like even if it was hard, I had so much joy from it.
Amanda Lowin [00:55:36]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:36]:
And so I was like, that's my prayer for all of my friends who are going through harder stuff or having to wait or having to do those things. That's like, I hope that someday it's like your joy is even greater, not greater, not necessarily greater than someone else's, but like just even better than—
Amanda Lowin [00:55:50]:
Deeper than it would've been.
Leslie Johnston [00:55:51]:
Exactly.
Amanda Lowin [00:55:52]:
If you hadn't gone through that thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:55:53]:
So good. The thing you're talking about is Romans 5:3-5. It says, not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, which is such a crazy instruction. 'Cause usually we just try to skip Skip our suffering. This is like, glory in it. Like, make a big deal about how God is providing for you in your suffering, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. There's another verse about joy being complete, but it's talking about like remaining in God.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:25]:
But to your point, it's like, yeah, like there is something that suffering produces, like the hope idea on the other side of that.
Amanda Lowin [00:56:33]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:34]:
Is a more full version of God and life that you would not experience the same way unless you went through hard things.
Amanda Lowin [00:56:42]:
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:44]:
Um, okay, these are two questions that I don't know if you will feel comfortable answering.
Amanda Lowin [00:56:48]:
Why not?
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:48]:
So if you don't feel comfortable, we can delete them.
Amanda Lowin [00:56:50]:
Let's go.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:51]:
Delete footage.
Amanda Lowin [00:56:52]:
Delete.
Morgan May Treuil [00:56:52]:
Um, first question, when will you be home? Benji, that means that the baby is, um, I think I'll be home.
Leslie Johnston [00:56:59]:
I feel like, mm, first question.
Morgan May Treuil [00:57:01]:
First question. I would imagine, mm-hmm, because I have walked with people through this. Yeah. But I haven't talked, I haven't heard anybody talk about this publicly.
Amanda Lowin [00:57:12]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:57:13]:
That with your spouse, mm-hmm, your relationship can experience some testing. Yeah. With this particular journey. Mm-hmm. Because you're taking something that you thought would happen organically and now it's more of like a yeah. Uh, like a strategic, strategic, like intentional thing.
Amanda Lowin [00:57:29]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:57:30]:
How have you guys navigated, and you don't have to talk about anything you don't feel comfortable talking about, but like how, how have you guys navigated that relationally? Mm-hmm. With this thing.
Amanda Lowin [00:57:38]:
Yeah. Trial and error. That's great. I feel like at the beginning, I feel like I was such a control freak because, you know, it's like nowadays it's like my Instagram algorithm is like, you need this prenatal and you should have been trying a year ago if you wanted to get pregnant now. And it's like, And it's like, you need this app to track all your things all the time. And I'm just like, oh my gosh. So whenever we first started, the algorithm is going crazy. And I'm just like, oh, I'm exhausted by all this algorithm.
Amanda Lowin [00:58:01]:
But I'm also like kind of buying in. I'm like, should I get that prenatal? I don't know. And so I feel like in the beginning there was like a weekend where it was like the—
Morgan May Treuil [00:58:11]:
The weekend.
Amanda Lowin [00:58:12]:
The, how do I say this without saying it? It was the weekend where like we could potentially get pregnant. And in my, I had all these unspoken expectations about what would happen because I'm like, okay, like, well, It's actually kind of complicated to do this. So like, let's— I have all these unspoken expectations. And then also like, there are so many ways to try to like grip the, grip the whole situation and try to have control over it. And I got major control issues like at the beginning of this. And so it was, it honestly put some strain on us like for that weekend or those weekends the first few times because it was like unspoken expectations on like what was gonna happen and like how we were gonna move forward with it. And then also trying to navigate Okay, like, I know that there are some things that literally, like, have to happen for this to work. But then also, at the same time, God's plan is gonna be what it's gonna be.
Amanda Lowin [00:59:03]:
And so, like, I mean, he literally got Mary pregnant. And so, it's like—
Leslie Johnston [00:59:08]:
Nothing he can't do.
Amanda Lowin [00:59:09]:
Yeah, you know what I mean? And so, it's like—
Morgan May Treuil [00:59:11]:
And there was no weekend.
Amanda Lowin [00:59:13]:
And there was no weekend, no apps, no Prenatals. Yeah. It's like trying to have like the responsibility for like, if I want this thing to happen, I need to like do something about it. But also know that I cannot, like, I can't do God's plan. Like what he's gonna do is what he's gonna do. And so that was so hard for me at the beginning to try to like figure out because I was like, okay, like this isn't happening like accidentally, like I thought it would. So now we have to start putting in effort. Great.
Amanda Lowin [00:59:40]:
And so then whenever I started putting in effort, the stress came because I tried to have control outside of like, just, you know, prayer. And not that it's a bad thing to try to like, you know, do the things that you can do to make it happen. But I have to remember that like, I can't, I cannot control the future or like the outcome of when this happens for us. And so that's difficult. And I feel like I'm still navigating it. But what I've learned about me personally, and everyone like has their own different ways of navigating it, is like, I can't like do all this stuff or else I have the control issues and start to like trust my own strength and my own will more than I trust God's. And so I can have a little bit of like knowledge about what's happening and like do my best in those areas.
Morgan May Treuil [01:00:19]:
For sure.
Amanda Lowin [01:00:20]:
Which maybe will make it take longer for it to happen. But I know what happens like in my heart and like it causes me to sin and like to not trust in God whenever I start to take control for myself and think that I know better or can do better than what God's gonna do for me. And so that's been hard to navigate figuring out. And then also something kind of with that too, like relationally that I've talked with friends about is a lot of the times the girl is more emotional about the whole situation just because It's like you physically and emotionally, like preparing for this thing and this like huge physical and like literal life change. And same with, same with the guy and the husband too. It's like, it's a big life change, but they're not experiencing it physically until your baby is like there.
Morgan May Treuil [01:00:58]:
Yes.
Amanda Lowin [01:00:59]:
Yeah. And that's not to say that guys aren't emotional whenever they like lose children before they're here on earth too. 'Cause some totally do. But it's like interesting trying to navigate. Kade, my husband, is very like logical, which helps me so much in this scenario because I am very emotional. And like, you know, I start my period and I'm just like, oh my gosh, like, are we ever gonna have a kid? This is the worst. Like, let's go get margaritas. And so I'm like, literally, that's like the monthly ritual.
Amanda Lowin [01:01:25]:
If I start my period, it's like, okay, we're going for margs tonight.
Morgan May Treuil [01:01:27]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:01:28]:
Sorry, you can cut that out.
Leslie Johnston [01:01:29]:
No, keep it in.
Amanda Lowin [01:01:30]:
Keep it in. But I feel like at first I was like, okay, like, should I be upset that he's not as emotional as I am whenever I like, whenever we're not pregnant? But I feel like I've learned that actually, that it actually really doesn't bother me that much. It's kind of helpful to me that like if I text him at school and I'm like, hey, like we're not pregnant, dang. And he's like, you know what? Like, it's gonna take longer than we thought, but it's okay. Like, I know like God's timing is gonna be fine. And I'm like, okay, I'm actually kind of thankful just for that black and white perspective because I feel like it balances out my emotions sometimes.
Leslie Johnston [01:01:58]:
And so he's steady and that's something you can lean on.
Amanda Lowin [01:02:01]:
Yeah, I can lean on it and it's stable like while I'm going through, you know, all the emotions of the ups and downs. And I think just continuing to communicate about each other's feelings and like how you're processing it as you go or what you need because you're gonna have different ways of like, yes, processing it or viewing it. So I just feel like communication, I don't know. I feel like a lot of like communicating and then apologizing if you communicate the wrong way, which is me.
Morgan May Treuil [01:02:25]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [01:02:27]:
It's funny cuz what, what I've heard a lot of friends that I've watched walk through this is it's actually, I mean, I know sometimes you can want the opposite sometimes of the reaction people give you. Like if they're being too steady, you're like, do you have any emotions?
Amanda Lowin [01:02:41]:
Yeah, I'm like, why aren't you crying?
Leslie Johnston [01:02:42]:
Yeah, yeah. But then, but then when someone is really emotional about it, sometimes that can be overwhelming for the person, is what I've heard of. Like, okay, I would like you to help me through this. I don't need, I don't need the burden of helping you. Like, as whether it's like a, you know, a mom or a sister or a friend or somebody who's really invested, I think it's good to remember, like, you also need, you need to be empathetic, but you also need to steady for that person. Yeah. Because they should not be holding all of your emotions or, or feel like they're letting you down by having to share.
Morgan May Treuil [01:03:16]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [01:03:16]:
You know, like, I'm not pregnant this month or whatever. Yeah. I think it's really good for people to be reminded of like, no, you should be there for them emotionally and you can express that you're sad too. I think that's probably helpful.
Morgan May Treuil [01:03:27]:
But yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:03:28]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [01:03:28]:
To not, you know, in your love and want for that to, to then be a burden that they have to carry.
Amanda Lowin [01:03:34]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:03:35]:
Yeah. I, I like that you just, you just sort of set people free from having to do this particular thing correctly. Mm-hmm. Because there are some things in life that are just impossible to navigate well.
Amanda Lowin [01:03:49]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [01:03:50]:
Like if you're expecting to get, to get an A+ in how you handle your expectations and your relationship during a struggle with like the infertility, which I'm not saying that you have infertility, I'm just saying like, yeah. Difference in, difference in timing than you thought.
Amanda Lowin [01:04:04]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:04:05]:
It's like some things you're just not going to navigate well because they're impossible things.
Amanda Lowin [01:04:10]:
Yeah, of course.
Morgan May Treuil [01:04:10]:
And I love that you said like, how are we doing this? Trial and error. Like, yeah, sometimes we communicate well, sometimes we don't, and we communicate and we apologize and that's what we do. Yeah. And so I think if like, if you're walking through the same situation right now and you're like, my biggest, in addition to not being pregnant yet, I'm really struggling with how I'm, my spouse and I are handling this together.
Leslie Johnston [01:04:29]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [01:04:30]:
Take a second and be like, I'm gonna cut myself some slack for the fact that like, yeah, there's really no roadmap for how to do this well with your partner because it's not something you expected to be going through.
Amanda Lowin [01:04:39]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:04:39]:
As is the case with all struggle. I'm thinking about people like what Chrissy's talked about with navigating miscarriage or people who lose a child like later on in life.
Leslie Johnston [01:04:48]:
Mm-hmm.
Morgan May Treuil [01:04:48]:
Or I don't know, all the different things that life can throw at us. It's like if you're beating yourself up for how you're not handling this as well as you should be as a Christian, like stop doing that. Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:04:59]:
Read the Bible.
Leslie Johnston [01:04:59]:
Those people did not handle it well and God I was so pleased with them.
Amanda Lowin [01:05:03]:
I'm like, hey, we're good guys. We're good. Let, let up on yourself for a second. Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [01:05:08]:
Some things you literally don't know how to do yet. Mm-hmm. Because for sure, no, it wasn't God's original design that you would have to go through any of this stuff.
Leslie Johnston [01:05:16]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:05:16]:
We go through all of this stuff because we live in a fallen and broken world.
Leslie Johnston [01:05:19]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:05:19]:
So we're all adjusting.
Leslie Johnston [01:05:20]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:05:21]:
Um, my second question is one that you kind of touched on actually, and I wasn't sure if you would, if you would address it. Mm-hmm. For this particular waiting on God's timing, there's something about this that I think is more, more hard than maybe some other things. Not all other things. What I mean by it is every month you have this moment where you re-experience disappointment.
Amanda Lowin [01:05:47]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [01:05:48]:
And sadness over it again and again. Like for the people that are like, God hasn't brought my person yet. It's like, Okay, maybe you go on different dates and then like the date's a dud and then you're like, God never, like maybe it's like that. Yeah. But this is like one of those things where you try and then you think, yep, throughout the month.
Amanda Lowin [01:06:04]:
Yeah. I need to get pregnant. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:06:05]:
You get hopeful and then there's like this one moment where you're like, I'm not pregnant.
Amanda Lowin [01:06:09]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:06:09]:
And I'm curious if you could talk through, and I know we're running outta time, so this can be the last question.
Amanda Lowin [01:06:13]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:06:13]:
If you have one, that's fine too. But like, yeah, like what's that, that ritual like when you either, you are you start your period, or, and again, this is, if this is too vulnerable, you can delete it, or you take a test and it's not positive. Like, what's, cuz I think a lot of people are probably wondering like, how do I recover from that moment over and over again? This is exhausting. I'm heartbroken every month. Like, what, what do you do to make it through that?
Leslie Johnston [01:06:37]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:06:38]:
It's kind of interesting.
Leslie Johnston [01:06:38]:
She's like margaritas.
Morgan May Treuil [01:06:39]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:06:40]:
Which I love.
Morgan May Treuil [01:06:41]:
I love it.
Amanda Lowin [01:06:41]:
I'm like, I have to have something like I can do because like, I can't control this. Yeah. I don't really know. I've kind of, It's different every time. Sometimes I go into it like already emotional because I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm probably about to like, you know, get bad news again. Or it's going to be like the best news of my life. And I'm like, everything's going to change from this point forward. So it's like hard to navigate it.
Morgan May Treuil [01:07:02]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:07:02]:
But I feel like I just have to like be prayerful going into it and like, you know, remember that, okay, this could totally go either way. But I also have to be hopeful in the next month. Like, yes, I have no idea if it'll be years or months or whatever it's going to be, but I feel like I just have to remember, okay, month by month, like I can get to 4 weeks, you know? Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:07:21]:
So it's fine.
Amanda Lowin [01:07:21]:
And I'll let myself be emotional, like if I'm sad. But there also have been bumps where I like wasn't that sad and I was like, wait, should I be crying right now? Like, you know?
Morgan May Treuil [01:07:29]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:07:29]:
And so I feel like allowing myself to feel whatever the emotion is, whether it's like, okay, or whether it's like, okay, crying and like the day's kind of ruined, cramps, whatever.
Morgan May Treuil [01:07:37]:
Yes.
Amanda Lowin [01:07:38]:
And so I know, I don't know, just communicating, like text Kade, text friends, and be like, hey, just, you know, pray for me, you know, this just happened. So just next month, then just stay like open about it and communicate. And then I feel like the Lord kind of takes care of you through your, your person and community. But yeah, kind of different every month. Sometimes it's like a major funk, which is most the time, because I'm like, I really want this right now. And so I would wish that God would provide it. But then on the other hand, it's like he hasn't yet. And so I have to be faithful in his plan of knowing that, okay, there is a reason that there is one more month.
Amanda Lowin [01:08:12]:
Like, there's, there's always a reason for like the next few weeks us not being pregnant yet. And it's like, it's his provision over my life. I know that— I don't know why it's good, but I know that it is good for some reason. So I just gotta trust.
Leslie Johnston [01:08:21]:
Sure. I love that.
Amanda Lowin [01:08:23]:
Yep. That was my answer.
Morgan May Treuil [01:08:24]:
No, that's good. I'm like, and I actually, I think that the margarita thing is actually a great little like, because I think I've heard you describe it as like, what's something that I can do that I couldn't do. Yeah. If I was—
Amanda Lowin [01:08:34]:
yeah, like, how can I celebrate this season, like, before it's gone and, like, make light of it? Because, yeah, I don't want to wish away this, like, amazing season that we're in right now. I know that it's so good, and I don't think that people with kids, like, you know, look back and they're like, oh, that was so much better to, like, be single and no kids. But there are so many, like— or no, yeah, married, no kids.
Leslie Johnston [01:08:51]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:08:52]:
But there are so many, like, great things. I don't want to forget for sure the blessings the Lord has for me, like, right now, just because I'm wanting next thing. Yeah, because I don't know.
Leslie Johnston [01:09:00]:
Yeah, it's a hard balance. It's like you can feel sad for what, you know, you're hoping for, but also going like, oh yeah, I don't want to— I don't want to look back and be like, oh shoot, that wasn't— yeah, that was a great season. Yeah, I, I really appreciate one thing that I feel like I'm taking from this episode that was just so good that you said, is like recognizing that a lot of us are probably control freaks. And it's like, even you saying like I have learned to like give up a few things, even if I know it's gonna take longer. Mm-hmm. Because I know if I go into that control mode, it just like, you know, yeah, goes outta whack.
Amanda Lowin [01:09:36]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [01:09:36]:
And I just think that's so much wisdom and so much like, not only faith in God, but also just like being open for what he has and knowing what's best. I think that is the coolest thing cuz so many people white knuckle a situation cuz they're like, I have to make this work into my plan. Cause I cannot release this to God. So you saying that, I'm like, that is really, really cool and very insightful and very wise to be able to like know the difference of those two things and then keeping yourself in check. That's, that could work in all areas of life. Mm-hmm. This has become, this is so good.
Morgan May Treuil [01:10:09]:
This is probably one of my favorite episodes we've filmed too.
Leslie Johnston [01:10:11]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:10:11]:
This will get us to 11K. You made this, you got one follower that unfollowed us to get us down to 10,900. It's tough.
Morgan May Treuil [01:10:19]:
You made the list for sure. Culture of just episodes that were so vulnerable and so helpful. And I, I know that it's hard to be vulnerable about this kind of stuff, and this has probably reached more people than our— like, it's just everybody watches this. Everybody who watches this has had a similar experience in some way, shape, or form.
Leslie Johnston [01:10:39]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [01:10:39]:
Having to wait on God's timing. So I want to thank you for being so vulnerable about that.
Leslie Johnston [01:10:42]:
So encouraging.
Amanda Lowin [01:10:44]:
Thank y'all for asking such good questions. I feel like everyone just needs to talk about their stuff. Let's all just talk about it.
Leslie Johnston [01:10:49]:
I know.
Amanda Lowin [01:10:50]:
Why not?
Leslie Johnston [01:10:50]:
Why not?
Amanda Lowin [01:10:51]:
Why not?
Leslie Johnston [01:10:51]:
Then you realize more people out there than you know who just haven't been talking about it. And then something like this happens. You'll probably get DMs, honestly, of people being like, this is karate in the garage, baby.
Amanda Lowin [01:11:02]:
Slide on in. Slide on in. Oh, it's like an awkward in-between because nothing bad has happened, but it's like hoping for the thing and it's just not there quite yet.
Leslie Johnston [01:11:14]:
Yes.
Amanda Lowin [01:11:14]:
Um, yeah, it's like a weird thing, but also God's good.
Leslie Johnston [01:11:19]:
Yeah.
Amanda Lowin [01:11:19]:
And I can also be sad at the same time.
Leslie Johnston [01:11:21]:
Exactly.
Amanda Lowin [01:11:21]:
I love it.
Leslie Johnston [01:11:22]:
100%.
Amanda Lowin [01:11:22]:
I hope it helps and I hope it encourages somebody.
Leslie Johnston [01:11:25]:
I know, I know for a fact it will. Me too. And it does.
Amanda Lowin [01:11:27]:
Cool.
Leslie Johnston [01:11:27]:
So encouraged us.
Amanda Lowin [01:11:28]:
Thank y'all for chatting.
Leslie Johnston [01:11:30]:
Amanda Panda. Amanda Panda. Amanda Panda. Let's go get margaritas.
Morgan May Treuil [01:11:33]:
Thank you. It's really nice to meet you.
Leslie Johnston [01:11:36]:
All right, we love you guys. Peace and blessings.
Amanda Lowin [01:11:41]:
Thanks.
Leslie Johnston [01:11:42]:
Bye.