Morgan May Treuil [00:00:00]:
All right, you guys, welcome back to this episode of am I doing this right? And today Leslie and I are rolling solo. We are no guests, just us hanging out. We're the guests chatting for the guests on our own show. Actually, I thought you were. Ryder's here.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:14]:
Oh, yeah. Ryder's puppy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:15]:
He's sleeping.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:16]:
He's sleeping in the little backpack. My mom told me, if you're watching on Spotify, this backpack is, like, from Amazon. It's like, the perfect way to bring him into work. But my mom told me the other day, because it's like. Goes on my back, and he sits in there and you can see him. She's like, you look like from Emperor's new groove, Krunk carrying Yzma like that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:37]:
She recarries her through town.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:39]:
I'm like, that is kind of what.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:41]:
It looks like to me. It kind of reminds me of, like, a beekeeper's helmet or something like you wear on the back. It's fine. Ryder is so peaceful now, but about three minutes ago, he was causing havoc. He's wreaking havoc.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:57]:
Yes. If you listen to our other episode, a few back, we were. I just talked about getting a dog and trying to name him, which there was. He probably had 500 names before he was actually named.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:09]:
You really tested out all of the names in the book of names.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:13]:
In the book of names. I went through them all, but my sister and brother in law, they named their dog bogey. And so I was like, let's go with the golf theme. So Ryder, Ryder cup. Apparently, that's a golf term. I don't really know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:26]:
I learned two golf terms when you guys got these dogs. I did not know that bogey was a golf term, and I didn't know that Ryder was a golf term, so I learned both of those.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:34]:
Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, I'm in that phase where you're kind of like, why did I get a puppy? This is a lot of work.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:41]:
Let's talk about that for just a second. How different do you think having a real child is from having a puppy?
Leslie Johnston [00:01:50]:
Do I want to make friends or do I want to make enemies? Friends? No, I'm just kidding. I know that having a baby is much harder than having a puppy. Yeah. Because obviously, as Jordan, one of our videographers, said, he's like, well, you can put your dog in a crate. You can't put your baby in a crate. So that's very true. But to give some respect to the dog moms out there, you can't diaper a puppy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:15]:
Yeah, it's no joke.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:16]:
They have teeth, so they bite you and they can't. I mean, they never talk, so you kind of never know ever, what they're thinking. And, yeah, they do a lot of weird, like, inappropriate things, too. And that's uncomfortable.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:32]:
Cause he's a boy dog.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:34]:
So right now we're in that unconditional love phase where I'm just loving you. I'm loving you because I have to. And I'm not a dog returner. Why?
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:42]:
Oh, no. Watching you guys do this has given me respect for dog moms and respect for puppy moms. And also it has delayed my desire for to get my own dog. But I love to love on yours.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:55]:
I asked Benji that. Or was it maybe it was you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:57]:
And Benji was Benji.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:58]:
I was like, does me doing some of these bigger life decisions make you not want to do them? And he said, no, but.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:04]:
Well, I think he said, oh, no, because you're doing it for us. Like, you're like, your dog is our dog.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:11]:
Which I would love that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:12]:
I know. It's kind of.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:13]:
When can you watch him?
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:13]:
I'm just kidding. No, watch him whenever you want.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:16]:
He sleeps so much. He's so cute. And I would really like to train him to be one of those little service dog that go into hospitals and, like, visit people and stuff.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:25]:
He would be a great service.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:26]:
He's not in that state currently, but he will get there.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:29]:
He would traumatize the people in homes, but eventually he'll get there. And he's very cute. And you do such a good job.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:34]:
Thanks.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:34]:
I have an unpopular opinion to get us started, and this is actually, I think you and I were talking about this recently. I think that you should be able to create a registry for every birthday or holiday in your life.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:53]:
I agree so much with this, but tell me why. Tell me why.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:57]:
Okay, so right now, you really can only do registries when you get married, right? So when you're engaged, you make your registry, which is so fun, by the way. I can't wait for you to make a registry because everything about it, and it's like, you don't have to think about price at all. Like, obviously, you know, you want to put things on there that people will actually buy, but you're picking out, like, nice things from crate and barrel that you've never been able to, like, just haphazardly pick. So that's really fun. And then you get to do it for, like, your first baby. Usually you do like a first baby. You do like, the full outfitting of registry. And then I feel like there's like a little bit of shame associated with all the babies after that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:33]:
I don't think there should be. Yes, but sometimes I feel like people are like, oh, we shouldn't have another shower because people already got us so much stuff. But I feel like for every birthday I have, I have people asking me like, oh, what do you want for your birthday? And I'm like, well, if I just had a registry, yeah, then you don't.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:49]:
Have to be like, this is what I would like. Yeah, exactly.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:52]:
So I think we should all create websites. Kind of like you have your wedding website where people can find your registry, and I think we should just constantly have a list of things that we want. And then anytime that someone wants to celebrate you or give you a gift or give you a birthday gift, they could just go online and they could just pick it up. But people who are presenting that too think that's a little bit like much. But I'm like, they don't have to, it's just there.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:17]:
Well, because a lot of people are like, I don't know, to get somebody and they stress out about it. Now, I will say on the flip side that I enjoy picking out gifts for people. I'm not a big fan of picking a gift from a registry. Now, I would like to do the birthday registry thing, but I also feel like gift giving is like one of my love languages when I do it. And so to me I'm like, you're gonna pick what I'm gonna give you? No, I would like to give you. I can see that. But I do think there's people in the world that genuinely are just like, I just tell me what you want and I'll click add to cart and send it to you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:53]:
I think that's, that's. And you give really good gifts.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:56]:
Thanks.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:56]:
So you do the exception, not so, like, okay, so, yeah, so if you were picking up all my gifts, I'd be like, you don't need to register. You just go pick out whatever you want. But if other people are giving them to you and you're like, oh, but you going off, listen, scares me. Then maybe they get the registry and they're able. This makes me totally materialistic. I actually don't have that many things, just blind why I want to registry. But I just think it's a cool concept.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:22]:
Yeah, no, I agree.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:23]:
There's a social norm we need to break there.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:25]:
Yes, because it shouldn't just be like, how come then you get to do that for your wedding and a baby. But nothing else.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:31]:
Exactly. Exactly. Why nothing else? Why are those the only two big holidays? What if me turning 29 is a massive event that we need to celebrate with a big registry, a couch from crate and barrel, because.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:43]:
When's your birthday again?
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:44]:
August 18. Yours is September 9?
Leslie Johnston [00:06:47]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:48]:
You don't remember birthdays very well, except for maybe your sister's because it's the same one as yours.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:53]:
Seriously?
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:54]:
Whose birthdays do you know right now, off the top of your head?
Leslie Johnston [00:06:57]:
My brother's is the day after Christmas. Okay. I do remember that. Mark is, I think, March 31, but it could be the 29th, which he is also my brother, my parents 21st and 23 February. Okay, which one's whose? I don't know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:18]:
So really, you know, immediate family.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:20]:
Immediate family. And my boyfriend's birthday sometimes, which is May 13, but I've had forgotten it quite a few times. But that's not a thing against him. That's just. I'm just not a big birthday.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:32]:
You're not a dates person?
Leslie Johnston [00:07:33]:
No. I think I remembered so many birthdays from elementary school. Like, everyone knows everybody's birthday by heart. And their phone numbers.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:40]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:40]:
That. I think I just, like, reached the capacity of my brain. You're not exhausted?
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:44]:
I have no more rooms because I.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:46]:
Remember my friend Christina's birthday from elementary school.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:49]:
That's really funny. Okay, so you think. You agree.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:52]:
I would agree with the, like, line item at the bottom that if you are a good gift given you, like, giving gifts, then to me, a registry would almost be, like, offensive.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:04]:
Like 100%.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:05]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:06]:
Okay, great. That is probably gonna be unpopular. A lot of people.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:10]:
Oh, yeah. They're gonna. You're gonna be the sheets girl to.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:12]:
The registry girl issues that are being discussed right now. Okay, so today we are talking about something kind of fun. I feel like with our episodes that are just us, we are kind of tackling some. Some things that I don't know. Like, I think some. It's like every guest that comes on, we tackle something about their life or their story, but the conversations between us really feel like, okay, this is us digging into an issue or a thing that maybe, like, we see in our space or in girlhood and womanhood in general. And so today we decided to talk about something that I actually think will be a really cool conversation. Because I don't care where you are or what you do.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:55]:
I think everybody struggles with this thing, I would agree, in some capacity. And that is competition and competitive jealousy and comparison amongst girls.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:09]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:09]:
That's what we're talking about today.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:11]:
Yeah. And I think this has taken even more of a. What would you call it? Like, I'm thinking, like, you know, people use the phrase, like, it's turned into, like, a dragon's head or something.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:26]:
I don't know, rearing its head. Oh, this is rearing its head. Rearing its ugly head is what people say about stuff like that. The dragon is rearing its ugly head.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:36]:
This competition dragon.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:37]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:38]:
No, but I think what I'm trying to say is, these days, I think this is more prevalent than ever.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:43]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:44]:
This competition between not even just competition in looks, but competition in friendships, in your job, in your relationship. Because we see on social media and in life, we're always comparing because everything is on display and we're displaying, like, social media and what our lives look like and what they're supposed to look like. And I think it creates this, like, horrible route of, like, jealousy that then leads to competition.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:13]:
Yeah. Especially with. And you kind of touched on this, too. But everything's so visible right now, like, in the world. Right. It's. We are. Our lives are more on display, and we have more of an ability now more than ever to present whatever version of our life or our story or our success.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:32]:
And we put that out there, and then other people can see that, and they can have one of two responses to it. They can see what you put out, and they can think, that's awesome. That inspires me. Or they can think, gosh, why am I not there? Or why does this person get to do that? Or why does this person look this way? Or why do they have this guy who they're dating? But I've got this experience. It's easier now more than ever, because at our fingertips, all we have is these just constantly photo albums of what each other is doing and who we're marrying and how many kids we're having and how much success. Like, when you think about this, there's not one area of your life where you are immune to that feeling of comparison and jealousy and competition, it rears its dragon head in your marriage because you're thinking, like you just said, my marriage is fine, but theirs looks awesome. And why can't we have what they have? Same thing with, you know, kids and parenting, I'm sure. And then it's like the whole work thing is a whole other different thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:36]:
And I feel like one of the reasons why we thought it'd be cool for you and I to talk about this is because, a, we can talk through some of those things that we've experienced in our lives, but also because we work in a organization where you and I are, like, the same age, basically, and we get to do some of the same things. And it's been a really. And I think there's lots. I mean, there's definitely lots of women in our organization where we're all kind of around the same age, and we have an opportunity in that to do, like, one of two things when it comes to our work. We can either cheer each other on and push each other forward, or we can find ourselves getting trapped in this cycle of comparing someone else's opportunities to yours or as someone further along where you thought you should be and you're a little bit. And so we thought it could be cool to talk about that today, too.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:30]:
I love that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:31]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:31]:
Can you think of a time in your life when you have been kind of caught in a kind of comparison competition, rut?
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:41]:
Yeah. I mean, the earliest that I can. I mean, I grew up in a house full of girls, so I'm the oldest of three girls, which I think because I'm the oldest, and life was a competition.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:51]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:53]:
I think because I'm old oldest and went first in most things, I maybe didn't feel the competition level of, like, me and my sisters, we all danced, and we all danced on the same team, and we were all involved in the same youth group, and we all did, like, youth group internship, and then we went to college, and we all pledged the same sorority. So it was like, not only was everything the same, but we were all doing the same track within the thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:21]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:22]:
And so I've heard them say since then that that was really hard because you're constantly comparing each other's experiences, and you're getting, like, measured up against each other, you know, like, I went to school with a lot of my cousins, and I remember people, you know, comparing my grades or their grades or behavior to another family member. So I feel like I remember it happening then. I feel like it got flipped on me when my youngest sister got married first.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:53]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:54]:
So each of us, me and Kristen and Amanda, were, like, each two to three years apart, and I went first on everything growing up, and then all of a sudden, Amanda is a senior in college, and she gets engaged, and it was. You're, like, shocked.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:10]:
Wait, wait, wait.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:11]:
I'm like, what?
Leslie Johnston [00:14:12]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:13]:
Cause obviously super happy for her, and she's married to the most amazing guy, and it was actually really cool in hindsight that she got to go first for one thing in her life, but it immediately I got home from, like, her engagement party, and I was so excited for her. And then there was, like, if I'm being honest, this little feeling in me of, like, well, why am I not there? You know, like, why did she get this experience? And she's having this thing that I've always wanted to have, but I don't get to have it yet. And it was like, a really quick reaction, an accidental reaction, if I'm honest, that I'm like, wait, that shouldn't be something that I'm feeling. But I was. And I see that pop up in all different spaces, whether it's work or, you know, expectations for the future or even, like, the way that someone's marriage and relationship goes, where I'll catch myself accidentally being like, oh, that's what I want, but I don't have it. And that feeling of lack of contentment.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:13]:
Totally.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:14]:
But it has to be more of, like, an on purpose decision to think, like, positively and cheer for that person instead of that.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:21]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:21]:
Have you had that or what? For me?
Leslie Johnston [00:15:24]:
Yeah. Well, first of all, I feel like it's funny. The more we talk about competition, the more we're really talking about insecurity and comparison. It's like, those are really the root of it, and there's probably even a route beyond before even any of those things happen, which we should get to the bottom of. But, yeah, I think competition wasn't. My parents did a really good job growing up of letting us not compare ourselves, especially being twins. Like identical twins.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:56]:
I'm talking about sisters. And you're like, I look the exact same.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:00]:
No, but I think being identical was really great in some ways because we were identical. And so some of it was like, you know, if people wanted to compare us, they couldn't because they couldn't figure out which one was which. So that was kind of easy. But I even remember when we were really little, my mom, we had a scale in our house, and we were. I mean, we were young. We were, like, maybe seven or eight or nine. And we had figured out the scale tells you how much you weigh. And so then I would get on the scale, and I'd be like, I'm this much.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:28]:
And then Christy would get on and be like, I'm this much. And my mom's like, every day you guys would weigh yourselves. And it actually wasn't in, like, a body conscious way. It was, like, in a. We started to compare everything. So my mom was like, I'm getting rid of all scales. You're not. Like, we never saw each other's grades.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:44]:
We weren't allowed to share all that stuff because they were like, we're not doing this competition thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:50]:
That's really cool.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:51]:
It was really cool, actually. And it was intentional, specifically on my mom's part, which I'm really thankful for, because I do feel like, growing up as a twin, there are definitely times where we did get caught in the comparison trap, but it didn't start until we were older, which I think actually helped our relationship. And Christy and I are super close to this day. And the thing that I'm realizing, like, as I'm talking about this is Christy and I, any comparison that's happened in our more adult years, like, Christy obviously got married before I did, but at the same time, like, my. Like, what I started in my job, like, when we left school, like, I started first, and then she started her own thing in her own business, and that then grew and grew. But there's just been different times where we have done different milestones at different times. But what I appreciate is that we talk to each other about it, and we talk about the good things and the hard things. I think as girls or as anybody, guys, too, we have this, like, if we have any jealousy, a lot of times we want to, like, hide in ourselves of, like, I'm gonna stuff that down and I'm gonna make my life seem like it's the most awesome to this person because I want them to be jealous of me.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:07]:
But what I've practiced with Christy is like, okay, she got married before I did. Same thing with you. That was a hard, like, oh, like your twin sister. And we did everything together growing up. So it's like, she's doing this, and that doesn't include me. But I remember having some good conversations with her about that and still continue to do to this day. But it's like the opening up and being vulnerable about it to that person, actually, then Christy can go, well, you know what? I felt that exact same way in this scenario in life. And there's things, like, once we actually open up to the person that you're jealous of or to the person that you're in competition with, I think it starts to open up.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:48]:
Like, oh, you know what? Their life is not perfect. I remember specifically talking to Christy about something like this. It was probably about marriage or something. And I opened up about how it was really hard. And she then, like, a week later, comes to me and opens up about, well, I feel like, this relationship that you have, my relationship's not there with that person or whatever. And I'm like, I thought, like, in my mind, your life was perfect because you have what I want. But then she's going, no, from my perspective, you have some of these things that I want that I don't have, and it's just like, oh, my gosh. If we all would just, like, open up to each other a little bit more.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:26]:
Totally.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:27]:
And be honest about how we feel, even if it's kind of embarrassing to admit, I think our relationships just grow and you actually get a little more perspective.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:36]:
I think that's huge. We should practice that more. Why do you think that is, though, that were not prone towards being vulnerable and sharing some of that stuff? Like, is that a self image protection? I want everyone to think that I have it together thing? Or what is that?
Leslie Johnston [00:19:53]:
I bet it's out of insecurity, probably. Like, we just. We don't want to open up, because either then we're, like, admitting that they have something we want, or we feel like then they'll think less of us and we already feel less.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:08]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:08]:
So that's totally a trap. I think that, like, the enemy makes us think.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:13]:
I completely agree.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:14]:
What do you think?
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:15]:
I think it's. I think the same thing. I just. I think back to the moments and whether it was like, you know, on dance team in high school, where I. The way that the team was structured, there's, like, an officer line, which are kind of like your three to six captains or whatever, and top dancers. And I was a. I mean, I was young, so obviously, like, girls are just always comparing and contrasting and, you know, trying to put their, like, best foot forward in front of other people and that kind of stuff. But I remember we were the first graduating class of this new high school.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:52]:
And so the dance team, we were all kind of, like, equal officers at first because we were young, and no one should have been, like, the head officer. But then we did auditions every year for the officer line, and then eventually there was, like, a rank to it where there was a captain and then there was a co captain, and then all these other, like, line officers, and I was. I was never the head officer. Like, never. And I would. It was like the days after getting results. It sounds so silly thinking about it now. Cause I look at those girls, and I'm like, oh, they should have been the leaders.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:30]:
They had the maturity. They had the relational equity. They had the dance ability. They had all these things. But in that moment, it's like, I made their success about me. So the last few, like, the days after that whole. The list came out or whatever. I go into this sunken place of, like, listing off all these reasons why I'm not enough.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:52]:
And actually, I don't know that it had anything to do with me not being enough. I think it had everything to do with the fact that they were at a point in their lives where it was like. It was. It was theirs. They were good at something. And I think we're really hesitant for some reason, or maybe insecure in that we think if we don't, or, like, we're scared that if we acknowledge that somebody else is good at something, that means that we don't have anything good going on. And that's not true. I think it's why we withhold compliments from people or why we withhold encouragement, especially people who are within our same, like, age range and are doing some of the same things.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:36]:
We withhold encouragement to other people because for some reason, we're threatened that if they're good at something, that means that I can't be good at it or that I can't be good at anything. And that's not true. We make it about ourselves and tearing our self down when actually it could just be that they're getting something or they're having something because they're good at this thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:57]:
Yeah. Yeah. You are so good at that. Of encouraging. Well, you encourage everybody. We've recently just. At least I've recently discovered that I think that is one of your top spiritual gifts is encouragement. Because if you know morgan, you know, she's probably encouraged you.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:13]:
She's like, you're the best at this, and you're so good at that. But it's not like, trite. It's not like, out of sympathy or whatever, you, like, genuinely mean it. But I think even us working together and us being, yeah, similar ages, similar stages at a couple different points, job stuff has always been different. But, like, some things cross over. And I genuinely think your, like, encouragement of me has made me feel like it's not a competition.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:40]:
Yeah, totally.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:41]:
Because you're like, that was so awesome. Like, I love that you did that, or I love when you spoke at this or that or whatever. And I think that has encouraged me to be like, oh, okay. So, like, there is no competition between you and I, and we support each other, which, to be honest, helps us both grow because we're encouraging each other, helping each other. And I just think you do a great job. And instead of going, well, I'm gonna withhold compliments because I don't want them to think that they should be doing whatever it's like, no, if this is God's plan for you, and God has a plan for me, then I can encourage you in what he has for you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:21]:
I. It's funny, I was. I think the same thing about you, but. But even more so. I was talking to Amy Zilsdorf, who was on this podcast right at the beginning, and we were talking about cheering each other on and the idea that there's room for all of us. And I think we were actually teaching this, this breakout at our most recent thrive conference. And the breakout was called finding your female teaching voice. And one of the things we were saying is that it's really hard for females to cheer each other on in this capacity, because sometimes the opportunities are so limited that you treat the very few opportunities as like a claw fest of, like, well, there can only be one.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:58]:
So it's going to be me. It's the bachelor.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:00]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:01]:
But I was telling her not, not in the breakout, but I was telling her that when I came to bayside, you were doing, like, all of these different things because it feels like in some ways, you have your hand in, like, every pot of bayside, because your leadership ability is kind of otherworldly. You have the ability to have your hands on multiple things, have your vision on multiple things, and this is obviously through the Holy Spirit that works in you. But the things that you touch and the things that you have your hand in, they do turn to gold. They really do.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:33]:
It's not even just the encouragement piece that I'm telling you guys about. No, but it's real.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:37]:
And I remember thinking when I came in, I mean, obviously I got to live with you, and that was a blessing cause of friendship. But I also felt like I got to watch you and kind of, like, be mentored by you a little bit. Not because I, you know, not because of any reason other than the fact that you were doing all these things within the organization. I was just watching how you did them, and I was inspired by them, and I was watching how poised you were and how graceful you were and how you never fought for your own opportunities. But, you know, your talent and your gifts made a way for you. And then I remember, like, you were doing announcements, you were public speaking, you were running these events, you were, you know, in these rooms, seated at these tables, and your voice was valued. And I remember looking at that and thinking, I want to be like Leslie when I grow up. And then it felt like after I was here for, I don't know, like, maybe a year or so, I got to start doing some of the things that I saw you doing, and the way that you did that is you were like, hey, I'm going to pull a seat up for Morgan at the same table.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:39]:
And it was, like, beautiful because there was no part of you that's like, oh, there's not enough spaces to share. It's like, for you, you're like, there's so many seats at the table, I'm gonna pull a chair up for you. And you started to, like, give away opportunity. Like, not give away, as in, like, you weren't getting them, but, like, you went to, like, you were sharing some of the things you were doing. It felt like. And what I love about that principle is it always feels like when you pull a chair up for somebody else, we're always worried that that's gonna make us lose our seat, too. But I've never seen someone pull a chair up for somebody else and then lose their seat.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:14]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:14]:
I don't think that's how God makes it work. Like, I think if we were to make opportunities for other people to grow in the things that we get to do, that just means there's more kingdom impact.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:25]:
Yeah. And that means you get to be a leader. Like, yes. That's what good leaders do. They bring up chairs for other people. That's very kind. I mean, you. It was.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:35]:
It's so funny because I think now Morgan and I's journey of working together has really been so awesome with very minimal, to be honest. We don't really fight, which is awesome.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:45]:
I had a dream. Oh, my gosh. I had a dream last night that you yelled at me. You were mad at me, and you yelled at me. Let me think about it and remember it.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:55]:
I've had a dream. I think you yelled at me, too. We fight our dreams.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:57]:
We were. For some reason, we were like, we were out of town on a family vacation with your family, and I was being so, like, pouty about something, and you were like, your attitude is ruining this whole thing for all of us. That's what you said. I was devastated. I was sorry.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:16]:
Because we never last night. Not because you knew that we were gonna do this podcast.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:21]:
I know. I know. It was.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:22]:
Well, don't worry. Your attitude's not ruining anything. But you know what? I love to be, like, 100% real. I think there was a moment in morganized friendship a few years ago where Morgan had opened up to me about, like, man, I feel like there's, like. I hope you don't mind me.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:41]:
Sharing the story, but I don't know what you're about to say, but I'm sure, too.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:43]:
I remember you coming to me being like, man, there's just, like. I feel like you get to do, like, a lot of different things, and you get to be in some of these meetings and whatever, and it's just like, man, what am I? Kind of, like, what am I doing here? And it was so funny when you said that to me because I'm like, that's how I feel about you. Like, you get to go speak at all these places and everybody wants you and everybody wants whatever. And I was like, I think we both were like, this is so funny. We need to take a step back and be like, we're literally jealous of each other for the exact same thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:15]:
Totally. Which goes back to your point of what you were saying. You don't actually know what the other person is feeling or what they don't feel like their opportunities are. That they're getting. You never know.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:26]:
I'm sorry, what?
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:28]:
I know.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:29]:
And then it was just so funny to think about it. But I think there's also a point in all this where we have to remember, and I preach this to myself, too, like, constantly because I think our minds can get us in these. I'm all about, like, doctor almond, and he talks about, like, new pathways, like, thought processes and whatever. And we can fall so quickly into getting in these, like, thinking ruts and these, like, automatic negative thoughts. And we can assume that, like, because this hasn't happened for me, but it's happened for somebody else, like, then God must be working more through them or their life must be better than mine or whatever, but I think it's, like, a good reminder for me to be like, okay, if God. If I really believe that God has a purpose for my life and that every aspect of my life does matter, and if I'm walking close to him and responding to what maybe he's having me do or not do, then I don't need to worry about who the person next to me, like, what opportunities they're getting or not getting. If we try to take into control so much of our own lives and be like, well, I'm gonna, yeah, get this seat at the table and make sure that they don't have one, and blah, blah, blah. It's like, do we not trust that God has a plan for all of us?
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:43]:
Totally.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:44]:
And, like, also, who are we to think that, like, we are, like, the gift to the world of, like, God gifts. Now, obviously we are God can use us. But I think. Yeah, and a lot easier said than done. But I do think that we have to think through, like, if we really do trust that God is sovereign over all of it, maybe that. Maybe that daily reminder, if you're going through a season of a lot of jealousy and comparison, that that would just be a good reminder to wash over you so that you can come to the table. Being encouraging of other people, that's great. Cause you're spurring them on.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:17]:
Like, it's like I am. So that really did help me think through, like, when Christy was getting married, I was like, I have to, like, daily remind myself that God has a great plan for me, just like he has a great plan for Christy. And those two things can, like, exist at the same time, even though our situation is different.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:37]:
Yes, I was just looking up where it is in the scripture because it would be. But the Internet in here is trash about just, I mean, the. The body of Christ having many different members, but all having a really, really specific function. And it feels like when we try to cut other people down in doing what their thing is that God has designed for them to do, or when we're so hyper focused on us not being where we want to be, that we're, like, failing to even fulfill our function in the body of Christ, we're doing everybody a disservice, and we're doing a church that does a disservice. I feel like the times in my life where I've been the most caught up in, like, jealousy and side by side comparisons are the times where I've been the least effective in the kingdom. Because you're not focused on moving forward in your gifts. You're focused on, like, watching everybody else. I mean, I don't know how track works or like, the Olympics or any of those things, so I could be wrong, but my assumption is that you probably don't perform as effectively if all you're doing is just, like, watching where everybody else is.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:48]:
Totally.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:49]:
And you're not focusing on your own thing. The hard part, and I'd be curious what your perspective is about this, but I feel like the hard part, with the way that things work today in the church and in ministry, and maybe even the corporate space, too, is that we tend to idolize or prioritize certain gifts above other gifts. And so then, because we do that, the people that their lane and their spiritual gift from God is actually to work administratively and behind the scenes. And that's actually, like, what God has postured them for, but they can't get over the fact that they don't have the gift of shepherding and leadership and whatever. Like, we were doing our spiritual gifts assessment during our small group, and I'm like, why do we think that that is, that some gifts got along the way, elevated, and then some gifts got, like, pushed down?
Leslie Johnston [00:33:43]:
Interesting.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:44]:
Because then we're all wanting gifts that we don't have, and then that's not effective. That's true, right?
Leslie Johnston [00:33:50]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:50]:
Cause everyone loves the mic. Your dad has this thing that he has us do. He's like, you'll do it better than me. But he's like, okay, there's four things.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:02]:
That you wake up in the morning.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:03]:
And you grab it or whatever. And the four things are, number one.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:09]:
Is a steering wheel. So are you kind of, like, I want to take charge, lead, direct this thing. Microphone. So you want to get up and you want to speak and teach. There's. You grab a laptop.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:23]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:24]:
Because you're just like, I can bust stuff out. Lists and administration or whatever. And then, oh, people.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:31]:
People last.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:32]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:32]:
Like, I'm gonna galvanize people towards something and use my relationships.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:36]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:34:36]:
And so he asks that question is, like, which. Like, in what order are you grabbing those things? And I think what's interesting about that is that only God can be able to, like, sit with us and tell us what our actual ordering is. But I wonder how many people to that question would answer, oh, well, microphone or steering wheel first. Not because that's actually their thing, but because they think that's the thing. That's the coolest. That's the most impactful. And I think that messes us up, that we think some gifts are more impactful than others.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:07]:
That is such a good point in all of this. I think we got to make administration cool again.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:14]:
Make administration cool again.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:17]:
No, but seriously, it's like. And I get that. That's so hard. Like, I think it's hard when there are gifts that are, quote unquote cooler or more leadership or you get more attention. So, obviously, like, we live in a world that's just broken in that way of going, oh, well, we think that. That God given gift is better than these other gifts, and it's just not true. Yeah. You know what I love, though? I actually saw this with Erin Clark on our episode.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:43]:
She.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:43]:
Our first, like, probably 30 minutes of the podcast was talking about her hospitality gift, and she just, like, she lit up when she talked about it and how she can create this amazing experience in her home where people come over and she's got, like, rhythms and why she does things and all this stuff. And I would watch there, and I'm like, I want that to be my gift. Like she is. She exudes it so much. So some of it I'm like, maybe we need to stop thinking what everybody else thinks about the gift. But if you really walk in it and we believe that that gift is awesome, that's cool, then maybe we'll exude it in a way. Not that it matters what other people think about it, but instead of trying to force your gift to be something else, it's like, if you truly walk in your gifting that God has given you, I do think you, like, radiate it. If that's freaking administration and making lists and getting projects done, then people are gonna notice and be like, you are amazing at that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:41]:
That's a really good point. Cause I sat there also thinking, I wanna have that gift too. And it's not the gift, it's how content she was in it.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:50]:
That was so attractive to me and inspiring and inspiring. But a lot of people are like, oh, I got hospitality on my spiritual gifts desk. So I'm just, okay, yeah, like, make a meal or something. It's like, no, it's so much more than that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:03]:
And it's what you make of it, too. Like, I think we tend to cap our own selves because we look around. That's the other part about looking around and looking side by side in comparison. Not only does it trap you in a state of comparison where you're comparing yourself to them and you're making yourself feel bad, but when you're trapped in a cycle of comparison, you're measuring your future possibilities only based off of what you, you see other people doing. And what if the thing that you're supposed to do goes beyond all of that, and then you trap yourself just by looking around side by side?
Leslie Johnston [00:37:36]:
That's so true.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:37]:
What's something that you practically do, whether it's like how you do social media or how you do friendships or how you do work, where you feel like you can guard yourself from that spirit of jealousy or competition?
Leslie Johnston [00:37:52]:
I would say number one is I really do try to know that other person's story, because I think if you sit down with somebody for ten minutes, asking them actual questions of what's going on in their life, you realize how to be honest. Difficult. Every single person's life is. Yeah, like, I know there's seasons where people walk through harder things than others, but I do think if we really took the time, at least this works for me. If I go, like, I could look at Morgan and go, oh, she has the life that I would quote, quote unquote, want. It's like, you are married. You're in this point, your job. I could list off a ton of things, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, Morgan is so good at all of these things.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:35]:
I can either go, man, why am I not at that place? Or I can go, let me actually, like, figure out what's really going on in Morgan's life, because I'm sure in your mind, it's like you've got all these amazing gifts and you're thankful and you're happy and all that stuff. But there's also a list of things that you're like, I struggle with all these things that I don't even know what it would be like to struggle.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:54]:
With, that you're like, raging anxiety. Pass. I don't want that. Pass.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:00]:
But seriously, I think if we got to know people, I think we'd stop worrying so much about comparing our lives.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:08]:
To theirs, and you might actually grow fondly of them, and you might see exactly what God's doing with it. I think about lots of speakers, even people that we just had it thrive, and you hear some of their stories, whether it's Nick Vojczyk or Mark or Doctor Phil or whoever, and some of the things that they grew through to get to where they are make you excited that God would use and choose to use their story. And all of it makes sense when you get to know the actual person. I think that's a really, really great.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:46]:
What would the advice be that you would give to somebody to help them, like, focus on their own journey instead of comparing to everybody all the time?
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:54]:
This is some. I don't know that I. I don't know that I started doing this because I was feeling this, but it's for sure a remedy now that I'm like, I'm doing it. I think so much of the whole self doubt, insecurity, comparison and jealousy thing is fueled by our obsession with ourselves. Because we're all a little bit obsessed with ourselves.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:20]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:21]:
And if we could make a conscious decision to get up and out of ourselves and focus on the really great things that God has gifted other people with, I think our focus would change. So I think one of the best ways that you can avoid jealousy and competition and all of those things is to be everybody's biggest cheerleader, but especially the people that maybe you're struggling to compare with the most.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:49]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:51]:
Yeah. I just, I feel like I see this sometimes even among our, you know, our young staff at Bayside. Someone will get, you know, an opportunity to do something, and then you can kind of, like, look around and hear some of the undercurrents of what people are saying, and there's an opportunity to become that person's biggest fan and help champion them and help move them forward. Because if we were to do that, like, the funny thing about this is, like, we look at, like, if someone who looked just like me and had the same, you know, whatever credentials that I have, not many, but if someone were to do the job that I want to do, so I could look at that and be like, gosh, that's discouraging. Cause that's what I want to do. And it looks like they're doing it in my place. Or I could think, oh, the fact that they're doing it means that I actually could do that, too at some point. They're, like, trailblazing in a way.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:46]:
So I think that one of the things that keeps your heart away from competition and jealousy in comparison is if you can become the other people's greatest cheerleaders, not just to their face, but even something as simple as, like, online reposting something that somebody else is doing, championing and cheering somebody else on, I think it not only demonstrates support and encouragement for them that they need to thrive, and also, at the same time, it protects your heart from feeling good. Those things. And the other thing, too, for those people that you're cheering on, you know what it's like when you got something. I remember being in college, and this is so. This is funny that people were upset that this ever would cause any jealousy, but we had a position on my college sorority called the standards chair that was literally responsible for, like, discipline of the chapter. So if people underage drank or used a fake id or whatever, it would be like a meeting, and you would have to basically act as the judge. It was a terrible job.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:51]:
Why would someone want that job?
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:52]:
You wouldn't. And by the way, you don't run for it. It's like the position.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:55]:
The motto is given to you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:42:56]:
It's given to you. You're slated for it. You're not even, like, you don't get to choose. You just. It happens to you. And I remember sitting there and, like, our names, these eight officers popped up on the screen in front of us all. There's, like, a couple hundred girls in the sorority, and I saw my name, and your first thought is like, that's so cool. That my sorority thinks that I would be a good this.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:17]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:43:18]:
But then my second thought was, like, the girl to my left and the girl to my right, I. They're good friends of mine, and I knew that they wanted to be on it, and I wasn't even like, I don't even need to be on there. I was busy with other stuff. So the second feeling was like, ugh, I feel so bad, and I can't enjoy this. And I don't even feel, like, confident doing whatever comes next because I know that the people around me are not happy with it and are kind of mad about it. And I think that trips up people, too, is for the person that you need to be supporting. But maybe your comparison or your jealousy is actually hindering them. Know that it's really hard to be who you're called to be when you feel like everybody around you is not happy about it.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:55]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:43:56]:
That sucks.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:56]:
Oh, yeah. It ruins the whole thing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:00]:
It ruins the whole thing. But we do that unknowingly for each other. We ruin their things because we're so focused on us.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:06]:
Totally. I think we also need to be careful, especially as girls, that the way we talk about other people to other people, like, if we're gonna be encouraging to someone's face, we better be encouraging to them behind their back. I see a lot. I see so much of this, and I probably do it myself, the first, like, offender of this. But it's like, you did such a good job. That was so awesome. Whatever they do. But then behind their back, they're like, well, that wasn't that great.
Leslie Johnston [00:44:37]:
Or that was. They talked down about what they did, and I find myself doing that, and I'm like, why am I doing that? Like, why am I being nice to their face and then a jerk behind their back? And I'm like, oh, probably because there's some insecurity or pride or something that I'm 100% uncovering that's totally showing itself in a negative way. And so I think being real and not too faced about, first of all. Yeah. It's like, if you're gonna talk bad about them behind their back, just then say it to their face.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:08]:
And if you wouldn't say it to their face, then maybe you don't say it.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:11]:
Yeah, exactly. But I have. I talked with my sister about this a little bit ago where my mom has actually been a great example of somebody who just does not talk bad about other people.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:23]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:24]:
We would always try, as two girls growing up, like, in a household with my mom and my. I had brothers, so they didn't care. They were always like, you guys are crazy. But we would talk to my mom and be like, this girl at school did this and that, and she's like, well, what did you guys do? Like, well, what? She was, like, always the voice of reason. And I always resented it growing up because I was like, what the heck, mom? Like, get in the mud with us. Don't you take our side. But if you're a mom listening to this, that was one of the best things my mom ever did, and she still does it to this day. I'll still talk to her about stuff.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:56]:
Cause I do think you need people to confide in. But I love that she does take the high road. Cause when you start to see other people, not especially even at her age, too, of, like, other moms doing stuff that's pretty catty, or, like, actually, I respect my mom so much that she was not that way.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:15]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:15]:
So I think we just need to be careful, too, about the way that we talk about other people.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:21]:
Totally.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:22]:
It says more about us than it does about them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:24]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:46:25]:
And I do that all the time.
Morgan May Treuil [00:46:26]:
So, no, I'm guilty of that, too. That's huge. Okay. What do you feel? Like? We're kind of at time, but already I feel like that's so many good little nuggets about that stuff. So, any final last words? Anything you wanted to add but didn't get to add?
Leslie Johnston [00:46:41]:
Hmm. I think just a reminder for everybody. I think almost all of us have good intentions. It's like we all want to do something in the world. We all want to be used by God. We want to have our lives matter. And I think just a reminder that God does have a plan for you. It's not the end of your story.
Leslie Johnston [00:47:06]:
Wherever you're at right now, if you didn't get that job or that relationship or that job position or whatever it is that someone else might have gotten to, just be reminded that God might have something around the corner that you have no idea about. So it's like, you can be discouraged. It's okay to be sad that someone else got something that you wanted or to be sad that maybe your friend is at a different life stage than you are, or they got pregnant and you've been trying, and it hasn't happened for you. Totally. We're not trying to discount, like, the feelings that people feel in those. And I think God is with you in that suffering. But to know, like, there's hope in the future of what God has for you, like, to trust that right now, like, always reminds me of that dang candle in my mom's kindness. If it's not good, wait.
Morgan May Treuil [00:47:56]:
If it's not good, it's not the end.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:00]:
But I just think there's so much more to life and. And so much fuller and so many things around the corner for you that, like, I think if you honor God in how you handle competition and jealousy, like, he's gonna honor you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:48:15]:
I think that is so well said. And that probably is a whole episode to do at some point of, like, how do you find contentment in what God is doing in your story? Because I think you're right. It's like, sometimes we think that what people are experiencing is jealousy towards someone else's success or someone else's, you know, achievement or whatever, when actually it might be more of, like, I'm really struggling to trust that God's actually doing something in my story.
Leslie Johnston [00:48:43]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:48:44]:
And how to trust that God's still going to use your story and your purpose for something good when it doesn't feel like he's doing the same thing that you can see him doing in somebody else's. And that is hard. Like, that's devastating. Like, you mentioned a battle with infertility. When all of your friends are having kids, that's hard. The longing to be married when it's like, you see all of your friends doing it and God has. Hasn't brought that for you yet or, you know, a dream that you have had for such a long time, and you see dreams coming true for other people, and it just feels like God's not doing something. And that's something we probably should discuss at some point, is how to.
Morgan May Treuil [00:49:23]:
I mean, like, scripture says there's a secret to being content in all things, and we have that secret actually uncovered. The mystery has been revealed, and it truly is like knowing Jesus and knowing the power and the hope of the resurrection. But then applying that to our lives and our stories is a whole other thing. So we should talk about that at some point. Yes. That's important, what you just said.
Leslie Johnston [00:49:46]:
Yeah, let's do it. So, some practical things go out. Learn someone's story and encourage them. Take time to really encourage them, and then take time to learn. Like, what are your gifts? Like, maybe it's not working out for you in some area because that's not your gifting or it's not something. Maybe it is, but it's just not time yet.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:07]:
Totally.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:08]:
So I think we got to learn what are our own gifts? What is God speaking to you? And where you should go and what you should do and then walking it confidently, not looking side to side, but looking forward.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:19]:
And if you can be a part of helping somebody else, like achieve a new step, but you're hesitating because you're worried about what it will do to your own step, I would say, like, take a faith risk and like, help somebody else discover and walk in one of their things.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:35]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:35]:
Because there's room for. There's room for everybody.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:38]:
Room for all.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:38]:
It's room for all. It's not good.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:41]:
It's not the end.
Morgan May Treuil [00:50:42]:
That candle should sponsor us on this.
Leslie Johnston [00:50:44]:
We should put that candle right here. I think it's a home goods candle. She loves home goods, so that's good. Well, thanks for listening, you guys. We will see you again next week. But follow us on am I doing this podcast on Instagram for a bunch of fun, little fun, little tidbits? So we'll see you next week. Bye.