Bare minimum or princess treatment?

Morgan May Treuil [00:00:00]:
Okay. Welcome back to Am I Doing this Right? We are your hosts, Morgan and Leslie. That's right. If you're not following us on Instagram, you should be. We are at Am I Doing this Right On Instagram. And we do all kinds of fun stuff over there and we give you little bite sized clips of our episode so that if you don't have the time right off the bat to watch the whole thing, you can get a.

Leslie Johnston [00:00:22]:
Little taste or little reminders.

Morgan May Treuil [00:00:24]:
Little reminders.

Leslie Johnston [00:00:25]:
I also, like, every time you say our Instagram handle, I can see you hesitate because we used to be Am I doing this podcast? Because we didn't own Am I Doing this Right?

Morgan May Treuil [00:00:35]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:00:35]:
And we then bought it off some girl off the Internet.

Morgan May Treuil [00:00:39]:
How much did we buy?

Leslie Johnston [00:00:40]:
Actually was very sweet. Like 600 bucks, I think.

Morgan May Treuil [00:00:43]:
That's crazy. We actually go buy a bunch of names of people do that.

Leslie Johnston [00:00:47]:
That's like how they make money.

Morgan May Treuil [00:00:49]:
It's genius.

Leslie Johnston [00:00:50]:
It's genius. But this actually, this girl is very sweet. By the end, I don't even know if I told her we were like a Christian podcast. But at the end of like our kind of deal, back and forth, she's like, this honestly was like an answer to prayer because I needed to buy a laptop for school and I didn't have the money. And so I just feel like things have been so hard and tight and I just feel like God reminded me that he has me and I was.

Morgan May Treuil [00:01:13]:
Like an answer to prayer for her. Like, that's so sweet. Actually, the sweetest is your laptop. Exactly. $600.

Leslie Johnston [00:01:19]:
Because I know I'm like, you need a nicer laptop.

Morgan May Treuil [00:01:22]:
To be honest, we should have just.

Leslie Johnston [00:01:23]:
Went and paid for her entire laptop, but.

Morgan May Treuil [00:01:26]:
Oh, I guess we should have done that. Why didn't we do that?

Leslie Johnston [00:01:29]:
I don't know. We were. We were just at the beginning. There was no money.

Morgan May Treuil [00:01:32]:
There was no money. There's still no money. There's still no money coming in. Still none. Are we kidding? Do you have an unpopular opinion?

Leslie Johnston [00:01:40]:
I do.

Morgan May Treuil [00:01:42]:
I feel like I'm so excited.

Leslie Johnston [00:01:44]:
This podcast. You good?

Morgan May Treuil [00:01:46]:
Yeah. I was conf. Like, I. I didn't see that book there before. Like, did you bring that?

Leslie Johnston [00:01:50]:
No. I don't even know what book this is. Oh, oh, the Girl on the Train.

Morgan May Treuil [00:01:54]:
Oh, that's a good book. Have you.

Leslie Johnston [00:01:56]:
I've watched Scary.

Morgan May Treuil [00:01:57]:
You wouldn't like it.

Leslie Johnston [00:01:58]:
Is this the movie?

Morgan May Treuil [00:01:58]:
Oh, yeah. It's a girl on a train. Yeah. It was based off of a book.

Leslie Johnston [00:02:01]:
Wow.

Morgan May Treuil [00:02:02]:
But I was just confused as to.

Leslie Johnston [00:02:03]:
Why it was kind of scary because I didn't.

Morgan May Treuil [00:02:06]:
I don't know if you brought that.

Leslie Johnston [00:02:07]:
It's cool looking. No, I think it's, like, aesthetics.

Morgan May Treuil [00:02:09]:
Oh, okay.

Leslie Johnston [00:02:09]:
We didn't even know what this book was. The Girl that trained, but we're advertising it.

Morgan May Treuil [00:02:13]:
Okay.

Leslie Johnston [00:02:14]:
I tested this unpopular opinion out last night with our friend Jen.

Morgan May Treuil [00:02:18]:
Okay.

Leslie Johnston [00:02:19]:
And she was like, that's a very weird unpopular opinion.

Morgan May Treuil [00:02:22]:
I know.

Leslie Johnston [00:02:22]:
This is an unpopular opinion. Curious as much as just, like, a weird thing that I have. So one of the things. I'm very excited someday to be a mom and a mother. One aspect that actually really scares me about it is I really, really am afraid of going. I don't. I don't want to spend my days at a park. I don't want to be there in, like, the middle of the day.

Leslie Johnston [00:02:52]:
The sun is just blasting you at this dry, barky park. And I'm just, like, sitting there at the park. Like, I would go anywhere else with my kids. Like, I would take them on walks and bike. I'd rather go to Yosemite or Tahoe. But I just don't think you'll ever catch me at a park. For some reason, a park is like Office Depot to me. You know when you walk into Office Depot and you're like, I'm immediately depressed.

Morgan May Treuil [00:03:20]:
Yeah. It's like the fluorescent light.

Leslie Johnston [00:03:21]:
That's how I feel about middle of the day at a park.

Morgan May Treuil [00:03:23]:
Terrible. This is so specific and, like, tied.

Leslie Johnston [00:03:29]:
Like, I actually think sometimes, like, oh, my gosh, I'm so excited to be a mom someday. But I. What if I have to go hang out at a park all the time and I actually think I would freak out.

Morgan May Treuil [00:03:41]:
So what is it about the park that is so, like, jarring to you?

Leslie Johnston [00:03:48]:
This, to me, feels like your fear of boats, like, big boats, and you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:03:53]:
Think it's coming across that way. So what is. Is it like?

Leslie Johnston [00:03:56]:
It's like, it's hard to explain. It's like, it's so dry and there's bark and, like, no one's really there, and you're just sitting there at the park. It's like, I don't know. I don't want to offend any moms. Like, if you love a park, that's awesome. This is, like, a weird thing about me.

Morgan May Treuil [00:04:14]:
I don't think anyone's offended listening to. I think everyone's like, like, has probably never thought through this before.

Leslie Johnston [00:04:22]:
Like, I actually have spent time thinking about this. Like, I, I. It's not like I've had a bad experience at a park. I'M not. I love the outdoors. A park is not the outdoors.

Morgan May Treuil [00:04:33]:
So you're like. To you, a park is like a fake outdoors.

Leslie Johnston [00:04:37]:
It's like, it feels like a Same value Office Depot to me.

Morgan May Treuil [00:04:41]:
Right.

Leslie Johnston [00:04:41]:
Like. Like, it just. To me, it's a level of, like, depressing.

Morgan May Treuil [00:04:46]:
It brings everything down.

Leslie Johnston [00:04:48]:
Just a big.

Morgan May Treuil [00:04:49]:
Like, you're outside, but you're not really outside.

Leslie Johnston [00:04:52]:
Yeah. Like, there's a park near my house, and everyone's like, oh, my gosh, you have a little park. You can go over there all the time. I'm like, I'm not going to that park.

Morgan May Treuil [00:04:59]:
Like, do you hate, like, swings and slides? No, no.

Leslie Johnston [00:05:02]:
I love, like, I love a swing. Love.

Morgan May Treuil [00:05:03]:
So you love all the.

Leslie Johnston [00:05:04]:
To me, like, sitting there at a park in the middle of the day, your kids. Sounds horrible.

Morgan May Treuil [00:05:14]:
I. I'm. I have so many questions for, like, a counselor. Who could unpack this. I would love to, because this is fat. It's. This is fascinating and so, so specific.

Leslie Johnston [00:05:25]:
Like, to me, it feels a little trapping and a little, like.

Morgan May Treuil [00:05:28]:
I don't know, like, it's claustrophobic for you.

Leslie Johnston [00:05:31]:
I don't. I think it feels to be at.

Morgan May Treuil [00:05:34]:
The park in the middle. Like, you think you're expected as the mom to be at the park with the kids in the middle of the day when you could be doing other things? Is that what you're saying?

Leslie Johnston [00:05:42]:
Maybe it's like, oh, shoot, I'm. I have. Which again, I know. I know. All the moms are like, well, when you're a mom, you'll understand. I'm like, I get it. I know when I'm a mom, Mom's playing. My mom's playing.

Leslie Johnston [00:05:53]:
To me, I know that someday I' probably love being at the park because I love my child so much and I love watching them play. But to me, right now, I don't know them, so I don't.

Morgan May Treuil [00:06:04]:
I'm not excited them playing.

Leslie Johnston [00:06:07]:
I just don't want to be at a park in the middle of the day with the sun beating down on you and you're just dry and no one's there.

Morgan May Treuil [00:06:14]:
And this is so interesting. This is so interesting. As soon as you said Barky, I do. Like, I have a very, like, visible image in my mind of, like, a dry, yes, Barky park.

Leslie Johnston [00:06:29]:
And you're sitting there, sitting there, and.

Morgan May Treuil [00:06:32]:
It'S hot, and you're just like.

Leslie Johnston [00:06:34]:
And there's nowhere else you can go.

Morgan May Treuil [00:06:36]:
Oh, my gosh.

Leslie Johnston [00:06:38]:
Maybe it's because I actually, like, sing. Maybe it's like, I like being busy and I like, like having a bunch of errands to run. And I know when you're a mom, it's harder to do some of those things, so you kind of are like, maybe it's like you have to be at a park because, like, what you're gonna take your kids to. Yeah, like, you're not gonna take them to a coffee shop.

Morgan May Treuil [00:07:00]:
It sounds like it's like the. The park is, like, for you. The park is like a prison of sorts for you, like, deterring you from doing what you want to do or what you used to have the freedom to do.

Leslie Johnston [00:07:13]:
Maybe. But also, like, when I go into, like, a Staples or an Office Depot, I'm like, I. I don't have to be there, but it still is, like, so depressing.

Morgan May Treuil [00:07:21]:
Yeah, it's horrible.

Leslie Johnston [00:07:22]:
I don't know. I. I just don't know.

Morgan May Treuil [00:07:24]:
There are some places that just shouldn't exist, but, like, a promise places.

Leslie Johnston [00:07:28]:
Yeah, sure. Maybe it's the middle.

Morgan May Treuil [00:07:30]:
Midday.

Leslie Johnston [00:07:30]:
Midday.

Morgan May Treuil [00:07:31]:
It's something. Midday. There's something psychologically there. I feel like, yeah, maybe this is good. I don't have any.

Leslie Johnston [00:07:38]:
I said it to Jen last night, and she's like, that's really weird.

Morgan May Treuil [00:07:41]:
I was like.

Leslie Johnston [00:07:43]:
You'Re right. It is kind of weird.

Morgan May Treuil [00:07:45]:
I have never heard somebody talk about the park in such an unpleasant way like that.

Leslie Johnston [00:07:51]:
You know what? We're just gonna. Let me just see what my sister thinks. I think she'll agree with me that.

Morgan May Treuil [00:07:55]:
The park is the worst. Wait, put it on speakerphone so the. The room can hear.

Leslie Johnston [00:07:59]:
Hey, you're on the podcast right now, so just. I'm.

Morgan May Treuil [00:08:02]:
Okay. Don't say anything inappropriate.

Leslie Johnston [00:08:04]:
This is.

Morgan May Treuil [00:08:08]:
Okay.

Leslie Johnston [00:08:09]:
This is my unpopular opinion today, and I need to know if you think. If you agree because no one else agrees. To me. One of the scariest. Not the scariest. I'm being dramatic. One of the scariest aspects to me of becoming a mom is that I'm gonna have to spend in the middle of the day time at a park. A dry, barky park.

Leslie Johnston [00:08:31]:
Thank you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:08:33]:
With a high noon sun.

Leslie Johnston [00:08:35]:
What's going on?

Morgan May Treuil [00:08:38]:
And it's all, like, kind of warm, but not warm enough where you're not laying out, getting the tan. You're just, like, sitting in the sun, and it's, like, dry and sad, and it feels like you're living in a simulation. In a what?

Leslie Johnston [00:08:49]:
That's.

Morgan May Treuil [00:08:49]:
I said.

Leslie Johnston [00:08:50]:
It says, like, the Office Depot of life is.

Morgan May Treuil [00:08:54]:
Wait, this is so funny. Y' all had the exact same.

Leslie Johnston [00:08:57]:
Agree with me. We've never talked about this biggest Ear.

Morgan May Treuil [00:08:59]:
That's my biggest of being a mom, is like, I have to spend the afternoons at, like, a gross park in a suburb.

Leslie Johnston [00:09:08]:
Okay, thank you. I feel less crazy now.

Morgan May Treuil [00:09:11]:
That's so funny.

Leslie Johnston [00:09:12]:
All right, that's all. Thank you. Okay, thanks.

Morgan May Treuil [00:09:16]:
Bye. That is so funny.

Leslie Johnston [00:09:18]:
Wow. I feel really. I feel good right now. This is what it's like to twin everybody.

Morgan May Treuil [00:09:22]:
Yeah. Twin. Yeah. That. This is a very special.

Leslie Johnston [00:09:23]:
You're like, am I crazy? And your twin's like, no, no.

Morgan May Treuil [00:09:26]:
I feel the exact same. We're both crazy because we came from the same.

Leslie Johnston [00:09:29]:
That's right.

Morgan May Treuil [00:09:29]:
Same place.

Leslie Johnston [00:09:30]:
That's right.

Morgan May Treuil [00:09:30]:
That's amazing.

Leslie Johnston [00:09:31]:
But I. I will come hang out with it. Hang out with you and Waylon at a park.

Morgan May Treuil [00:09:35]:
I don't know if we'll be now I kind of feel like we shouldn't be at a park now. I feel like we should. I don't. I don't imagine myself being a park mom. Unless maybe that's what he wants to do. Yeah, I can. I want to, like, stroller around and walk places and just. And I'm.

Morgan May Treuil [00:09:49]:
I don't do well with heat anyways. So if it's like a hot day. You're not going to catch me at a park.

Leslie Johnston [00:09:54]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:09:54]:
Ever. But I. I'm fat. That's a fantastic. I like unpopular opinions that feel like.

Leslie Johnston [00:10:00]:
That are weird.

Morgan May Treuil [00:10:00]:
That are weird. But a lot of people spend time at the park, so it is an unpopular opinion.

Leslie Johnston [00:10:05]:
Yeah. You won't catch me there.

Morgan May Treuil [00:10:06]:
You won't catch me.

Leslie Johnston [00:10:07]:
I'll be in Yosemite with my kids.

Morgan May Treuil [00:10:09]:
Before I'm at a park, which. This is a long drive. The. Your park is probably closer than us.

Leslie Johnston [00:10:13]:
Yeah, I'd rather. Yeah, I'd rather drive.

Morgan May Treuil [00:10:15]:
We gotta find, like. We gotta figure out what the. What the alternative is to a park lifestyle with your kid. Is it like indoor water parks could be fun.

Leslie Johnston [00:10:24]:
Yeah, a water park. Great. Go to the mall.

Morgan May Treuil [00:10:27]:
And in a mall, an indoor trampoline situation. They're going to be really good clothes.

Leslie Johnston [00:10:32]:
They have great clothes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:10:33]:
And they go to the food court. Get some pretzels. Yes. That's really funny. Well, that's good. I don't even. I have to sort that somewhere in my brain. I'm not even sure what I thought about that until just now.

Morgan May Treuil [00:10:43]:
Have you seen this new movie called the Materialists?

Leslie Johnston [00:10:46]:
No, I haven't.

Morgan May Treuil [00:10:47]:
Okay. So I watched it on a plane recently. It has Dakota Johnson. What's the.

Leslie Johnston [00:10:53]:
It's gonna be like a 50 shades of gray.

Morgan May Treuil [00:10:56]:
I think she has such an association with that movie. That everything you see her in, you're, like, worried that it's gonna be we're so inappropriate or whatever. It's actually not at all risque.

Leslie Johnston [00:11:08]:
Oh, good.

Morgan May Treuil [00:11:08]:
Like, there's, like, some. They don't even like. They don't really show you any scenes where it's whatever. But it's her. And it's Chris Evans, the guy from Avengers, Captain America. And then this other guy who I think is. He seems like he's newer. I can't remember his name.

Morgan May Treuil [00:11:26]:
But the premise is she's a matchmaker. That's her job, which is fascinating. And she's living in New York, which is super fun. And she is in love with this guy that she's been with before, and he is awesome. They both have great chemistry. They are really similar, have history, but their work ethic in life and, like, drive is really different. And he's like a failed actor. Cater waiter, can't really get his life off the ground.

Morgan May Treuil [00:11:59]:
Lives with a bunch of roommates. She's, like, well established in her career, has her life somewhat together.

Leslie Johnston [00:12:06]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:12:06]:
And then she meets this guy at a wedding for one of her clients who has his life very much together, very wealthy. And he kind of starts taking her through this whole, like, princess treatment lifestyle of sorts. And so it's her basically trying to decide between this guy who, in a material way gives her kind of what she always wanted and makes life easier for her. And she's very, like, mathematical in her thinking. She's like, these are the things. These are my boxes. These are the things that I wanted. And this is the guy that I think could fulfill those boxes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:12:42]:
But my feelings are with somebody who in some ways feels like he's giving, like, the bare minimum, sort of. And I think it's a trend right now that's going around too, because my young adults just alerted me to it. And it's like a trend kind of thing where you evaluate different behaviors or scenarios of your significant other or the guy that you're dating or the girl that you're dating.

Leslie Johnston [00:13:03]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:13:04]:
And you evaluate whether what they just did was princess treatment. Like, it was above and beyond. Wow, that's so amazing. Yeah. Or what they did was bare minimum in the movie, too. She's a matchmaker that literally matches people up based off of, like, a checkbox list of criteria. So no feelings involved. It's genuinely like, these are the things that I said I was looking for.

Morgan May Treuil [00:13:27]:
Age, you know, physical appearance.

Leslie Johnston [00:13:30]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:13:31]:
Money, status, those kinds of things. And that's how she makes matches. And it's not organic, you know, like experiences, chemistry or things like that. That all comes later. And so I was watching that and then mixed with that trend that I heard about and I was like, it is really funny how we live in like, I feel like we're still young enough to get to experience the dating scene. Like, we're not. We're not dating around a whole bunch. You know, we're in longer term relationships, but we get to be around people who are doing the dating scene.

Morgan May Treuil [00:14:05]:
And it's funny to compare and contrast what people think is bare minimum. Like, he has to minimum have this. Yeah. And then what feels like it's above and beyond and how that's different for different people.

Leslie Johnston [00:14:20]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:14:21]:
And what also goes along with that for me is it's interesting to watch people who care deeply about stuff that in the grand scheme of marriage, once you start actually living into marriage, those are not things that you care as much about. Post marriage, there's like a pre marriage care and a post marriage care. And we talked about this slightly last week, but I think sometimes we get ourselves into a little bit of trouble when you approach relationships with this preconceived list of expectations that you had going into it that you developed when you were very young and you've held onto them for all these years. And then what do you do when the person you're faced with doesn't meet up with those expectations? Yeah, you kind of have to go into a time where you're like evaluating which of these expectations are valid and good and I should fight to keep these. And which ones was I maybe overdoing it or over expecting it? And so I thought we could do an episode today called bare minimum or princess treatment. I love it.

Leslie Johnston [00:15:27]:
We.

Morgan May Treuil [00:15:27]:
Where we kind of go through some of the things we had chatgpt help us with some prompts and we can come up with some of our own too. But certain things that you feel like, oh, that should be bare minimum treatment.

Leslie Johnston [00:15:40]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:15:41]:
Or if you're like, actually that's kind of princess treatment. And yeah, I can look out for that. And it's nice if I get it, but I don't actually need it.

Leslie Johnston [00:15:49]:
Yeah. It's like that wouldn't. That would be like a. So above and beyond that it feels like it's a princess treatment.

Morgan May Treuil [00:15:54]:
Yes. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:15:55]:
And not bare minimum. Like, oh, they're doing the bare minimum, but like it. That should be expected.

Morgan May Treuil [00:15:58]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:15:59]:
That's what bare minimum is.

Morgan May Treuil [00:16:00]:
And I feel like we should have this conversation with us and then I feel like we should bring on a guy eventually to have this conversation. And I'm curious how our perspective versus a guy's perspective would change.

Leslie Johnston [00:16:09]:
Oh, I know.

Morgan May Treuil [00:16:10]:
That would be so funny. So baseline. Like baseline, baseline, baseline. And this is silly, but some people care about this. He holds the door for you when you walk into a restaurant or into a public building of some kind.

Leslie Johnston [00:16:27]:
He holds the door.

Morgan May Treuil [00:16:28]:
He holds the door open for you Bare minimum or princess treatment?

Leslie Johnston [00:16:32]:
Bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [00:16:32]:
Bare minimum. Do you agree? What? Yes. Okay, what about he opens your car.

Leslie Johnston [00:16:37]:
Door for you princess before.

Morgan May Treuil [00:16:39]:
Okay, so what is the distinction? That he has to go out of his way to walk around the car?

Leslie Johnston [00:16:47]:
Well, I've only known one person in my life whose significant other does that to this day. To this day.

Morgan May Treuil [00:16:53]:
Troy and Rosie.

Leslie Johnston [00:16:53]:
Troy and Rosie. Troy will open our car doors for us. He's, like, going around getting everybody's car door.

Morgan May Treuil [00:17:00]:
Troy is our friend who we always joke around is gmo, genetically modified organism. Because he is built different than most people that we know. So that checks out for him.

Leslie Johnston [00:17:11]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:17:12]:
But most are not like him.

Leslie Johnston [00:17:13]:
But maybe it shouldn't be princess treatment, but it is. I think that's the hard part. Some of it is, like, I've only known one person who does that consistently.

Morgan May Treuil [00:17:23]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:17:24]:
Now, like, if, like, obviously that happens to me, but it's not always right. But I don't know if I would expect that to always happen.

Morgan May Treuil [00:17:33]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:17:33]:
So it does feel, like, extremely above and beyond. Like, to me, it's no. Like, I have no issue with opening my own car door.

Morgan May Treuil [00:17:41]:
When you were growing up and someone would come to your house to take you on a date, did they come to your front door to pick you up or did they text you when they were outside for a first date? Sure.

Leslie Johnston [00:17:54]:
They almost always came to the front door.

Morgan May Treuil [00:17:57]:
Did your parents.

Leslie Johnston [00:17:59]:
If he did knock on the front door, it was like, what kind of.

Morgan May Treuil [00:18:03]:
A person is this?

Leslie Johnston [00:18:04]:
Yeah. Like, he's too chicken to not even, like, come up to the front door. Because maybe, like, my dad would answer.

Morgan May Treuil [00:18:12]:
My parents were like this too. And. And I could. I. And I was always embarrassed for that connection to happen. So I would text the person and just say, hey, text me when you're here and I'll come out. And my dad knew what I was doing, and he would always, like, position himself.

Leslie Johnston [00:18:26]:
He's, like, right there.

Morgan May Treuil [00:18:27]:
Yeah. Like, he's, like, in weirdly in the driveway or, like, working on something in the garage.

Leslie Johnston [00:18:31]:
Oh, my gosh.

Morgan May Treuil [00:18:32]:
But so. So where I sit on that is for Those kinds of moments where you're making an impression or when you're first starting something out, demonstrating that you are a person who is willing to go the extra mile, establish respect, come to the front door, walk around the car, side door, hold the front door. Like all of those things.

Leslie Johnston [00:18:56]:
Yep.

Morgan May Treuil [00:18:56]:
I think at first, when you're establishing your relationship, there are things that are. Bare minimum. At first that eventually become princess treatment. And the reason being is because marriage is way more of a partnership where there's mutual submission and mutual servanthood.

Leslie Johnston [00:19:14]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:19:15]:
So then, like, eventually it's not as effective or convenient to, like, walk around the car door and open the car for your significant other. Because maybe you're both putting kids in car seats or maybe you're both loading groceries and like, eventually it becomes like, hey, we're partners. We're doing life together. I know you respect me. I know you go above and beyond for me.

Leslie Johnston [00:19:35]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:19:36]:
But that's like later into the relationship. But at first.

Leslie Johnston [00:19:39]:
Because someone could open your car door for you every single day of your life, but not actually, like, you know, there's like, totally. There's only so much someone probably has capacity to do.

Morgan May Treuil [00:19:51]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:19:51]:
And to me, I'd rather. I mean, personally, I would make sure, like, hey, that person is respectful in more important ways than just opening your car door.

Morgan May Treuil [00:20:01]:
Yeah. 100. It's like looking underneath the action to decide, like, who the person is. Which actions are a really good tell for a character trait underneath them. Yeah. But it's not like a rule always law where if the person doesn't do that, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're not caring. Yeah. Or respectful.

Morgan May Treuil [00:20:22]:
It means you have to figure out if they are. I guess. So I would say at first it's bare minimum. Yes. And then eventually it becomes princess treatment. That's unnecessary.

Leslie Johnston [00:20:31]:
You know what I think is the girl version of. Because most times on a first date, the guy is picking you up.

Morgan May Treuil [00:20:37]:
Yeah. Pretty sure it's still that way. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:20:39]:
So the guy comes and picks you up.

Morgan May Treuil [00:20:42]:
Really?

Leslie Johnston [00:20:42]:
To me, it's the first sign if they're like a confident guy. If they can come up to your front door.

Morgan May Treuil [00:20:47]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:20:48]:
Well, I guess if you live with your parents.

Morgan May Treuil [00:20:50]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:20:50]:
Or even roommates, like, they should be able to come up and just whoever opens the door, they are there and they should be able to navigate that scenario.

Morgan May Treuil [00:20:57]:
Oh, that feeling makes me sick. Yeah. Like just thinking about someone coming out to my door and asking me or like, take. To take me on a date, it makes me want to throw up.

Leslie Johnston [00:21:06]:
That's so funny.

Morgan May Treuil [00:21:06]:
It hasn't even been that long, and I'm just like. That makes me want to vomit. Ew. I hate that.

Leslie Johnston [00:21:10]:
To me, the girl version of that is, if you are just dating someone and, like, their mom calls them, are you silent on the other end and pretend like you're not there or are you like, hey, Like, I think that's the girl version of that. That's funny because if you act like you're not there or you figure out a way to get out of there, that's the same way as him sitting in his car.

Morgan May Treuil [00:21:34]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:21:34]:
And not coming to the front door.

Morgan May Treuil [00:21:35]:
Being like, come to the front or come outside.

Leslie Johnston [00:21:37]:
Like, I think it means a lot to a mom or a dad or whoever's on the phone of that person you're dating. If you don't just act like you don't exist.

Morgan May Treuil [00:21:47]:
Yes. 100%.

Leslie Johnston [00:21:48]:
You have the guts to be like, hey, Like, I'm whoever. Nice to meet you. I think immediately that makes them.

Morgan May Treuil [00:21:56]:
Yes. Like, oh, yes. Good for her. Yes. On the subject of family, they make concerted effort to get to know your family. Is that bare minimum or princess treatment?

Leslie Johnston [00:22:11]:
I mean, it should be bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [00:22:13]:
Yeah, I think so, too. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:22:14]:
Bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [00:22:15]:
If I was dating somebody that had zero interest in knowing my family beyond, like, surface level. Yeah. Pleasantries. That would send up a flag for me. A, because family is really important to me. And then two, it would make me wonder, like, did. What value do they place in family.

Leslie Johnston [00:22:36]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:22:37]:
To where they don't necessarily care about getting to know mine. Like, it. I feel like when you meet families, it's. It's kind of like the best research because you're seeing where a person comes from.

Leslie Johnston [00:22:47]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:22:48]:
And you're watching how they treat their families, but you're also listening to hear what their family has to say about them. Like, that's all.

Leslie Johnston [00:22:54]:
It's such.

Morgan May Treuil [00:22:55]:
So if you're not interested in that. I would be like. I would be like, why are you not interested in my family? Like, that makes me feel like you're not interested in me. Yes. Yeah. Okay.

Leslie Johnston [00:23:04]:
Okay. Here's. Here's another one. He asks how he can pray for you today. Is that a spiritual leadership or a basic check in energy? I'm going to be honest. Rarely have I dated people who have asked me often how they can pray for me.

Morgan May Treuil [00:23:30]:
What do we think that this is? Is this a gender thing? Because most of the people that ask me how they can pray for me are females.

Leslie Johnston [00:23:40]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:23:41]:
Because I think that that's like, why.

Leslie Johnston [00:23:43]:
Can I not visualize a guy asking.

Morgan May Treuil [00:23:45]:
Me how they can pray for me right now? I will. This, this I will say Benji prays for me without me knowing, like, without me being a part of it every single day. It's like a priority that he. Oh, that's cool. Puts in his. It's usually when I'm asleep, I go to sleep, and then he's still up because he doesn't fall asleep, but he's like, yeah, and he prays. And so I think the. The question of like, does here.

Morgan May Treuil [00:24:16]:
Does he or she pray? That's like a bare minimum. Like, do. Are they a praying person? Yeah. Bare minimum. Yeah. Asking every single day what they can be praying for for you feels a little princess treatment to me. But. But maybe it's wrong that I feel that way.

Morgan May Treuil [00:24:36]:
Well, what do you think?

Leslie Johnston [00:24:40]:
Yeah, I think this is one of those scenarios where it. It does kind of depend. This. We shouldn't get caught on the sentence of, like, how can I pray for, like, some guys? That's just not even the way they're going to talk.

Morgan May Treuil [00:24:52]:
No.

Leslie Johnston [00:24:52]:
But I would say, is he the type of person that when something happens and things get crazy or you're going through a rough time, are they one to be like, hey, we should pray about this?

Morgan May Treuil [00:25:05]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:25:05]:
Or let me pray for you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:25:06]:
And that is a bare minimum, because.

Leslie Johnston [00:25:08]:
That is what I've experienced. And that to me is like, yes, it's. That should be bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [00:25:14]:
100.

Leslie Johnston [00:25:15]:
Because if your immediate reaction to something that you need wisdom on isn't prayer, which I'll be first to say, sometimes I just. I'm like, I gotta call somebody.

Morgan May Treuil [00:25:26]:
I gotta spiral first.

Leslie Johnston [00:25:28]:
I don't always pray first. But, yeah, so I guess princess treatment, if he's asking you what he can pray for you specifically every single day. But if he's a praying person and that is on the forefront of his mind, that's a bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [00:25:44]:
You want to know when you're dating somebody what their first response is?

Leslie Johnston [00:25:47]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:25:48]:
Because life is all about crisis management. That's part of being in a broken world.

Leslie Johnston [00:25:54]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:25:55]:
And part of figuring out who you want to partner up with is assessing how good are they in a crisis and what is their first move. Yeah, we were talking about it in our. In our small group the other night. When it comes to suffering, how usually hardship pushes you towards God or pushes you away from God. And so when you're looking at a guy or a girl, someone who you're gonna partner up in life with spiritually and who will help lead your marriage and lead your family? Yeah. It's important to know, like, what do they do when things get hard? They run towards God or does it push them away from God?

Leslie Johnston [00:26:33]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:26:34]:
And it's important to know who you're saddling up with.

Leslie Johnston [00:26:39]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:26:39]:
In a spiritual sense. So I think that's. Yeah, that's great. That's good. Prayer as, like, a staple practice in their life. Bare minimum.

Leslie Johnston [00:26:48]:
Yeah, bare minimum. He apologizes without you having to explain why you're hurt.

Morgan May Treuil [00:26:53]:
This is so, so, so good. And kind of a soapbox situation.

Leslie Johnston [00:27:01]:
Okay, give us your soapbox.

Morgan May Treuil [00:27:06]:
I think I've said. I know I've said this before in the podcast, but to me, one of the things you need to be looking for in a spouse second only to do they love and treasure Jesus, is are they humble enough to realize that they are not a perfect person and there are things about them that need to change. Like, yeah, you're marrying. I think you said this. You're marrying who they are now. But is there an attribute of humility you can see in them where they're not content to just stay where they are, where they are? Like, they want to grow. Yeah. And I feel like the I'm sorry thing is something I am so.

Morgan May Treuil [00:27:51]:
I'm so passionate about. And Benji and I probably disagree a little bit on this. I think I'm more prone to say I'm sorry as, like, words that are being said, maybe not always meaning them. Yeah. Because I think it's so important to be like, hey, I understand that something I've done has hurt you. So whether or not I understand why it hurt you, I want to. I want you to know that I'm sorry for it so that we can reconcile and find ways back. His stance is more like, no, I want my sorry to mean something.

Morgan May Treuil [00:28:23]:
So if I don't understand why what I've done has hurt you, or if I don't think why. If I don't think that what I said. What I said is hurtful or what I did is hurtful, I'm not gonna like that. Like, you're. You're nullifying the I'm sorry thing. Right. So one of us is more quick to do it, one of us is less quick to do it, but not because we don't understand the value of it, but because it's just different.

Leslie Johnston [00:28:47]:
You guys are different on that.

Morgan May Treuil [00:28:48]:
And I. I feel like that's, like, that's such a value that. That we have to. I don't know, like, saying you're sorry is your way, I feel like of falling on your sword before somebody and being like, hey, I care more about restoring relationship than I care about being right. Right. Yeah. But yeah. I'm married to somebody who thinks differently about this.

Morgan May Treuil [00:29:11]:
Yes. What do you think about it?

Leslie Johnston [00:29:15]:
Well, that's hard because you're. I see how Benji's like, I want my sorry to mean something.

Morgan May Treuil [00:29:22]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:29:23]:
Which yeah. You don't want to just say something just to make someone happy. But afterwards you're like, I'm not even sorry.

Morgan May Treuil [00:29:29]:
You know, you're like. But you got your fingers crossed like this underneath. Sorry. Sorry.

Leslie Johnston [00:29:38]:
But I think him apologizing without having to explain, without you having to explain why you're hurt I think shows someone that is going to. I've already thought about the repercussions of my actions or my words before you have to tell me that they hurt you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:29:57]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:29:58]:
So to me that behavior is a maturity of I love and care about this person that I'm already seeing the effects of what I have said or done. I'm self aware enough to be like, oh shoot, I know that's going to hurt their feelings. So I'm going to apologize for saying that.

Morgan May Treuil [00:30:19]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:30:19]:
And I don't think anybody is has is expert level at this because that's actually a very hard thing to do.

Morgan May Treuil [00:30:27]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:30:28]:
Most of the time we don't even know what we say hurts somebody. But I do, I mean I would, I would side more with you because to me, I think if you are married and you are one person now.

Morgan May Treuil [00:30:41]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:30:41]:
You're hurting yourself.

Morgan May Treuil [00:30:42]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:30:43]:
So you're hurting somebody is actually hurting you because you're technically one unit.

Morgan May Treuil [00:30:49]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:30:50]:
So even if you don't understand.

Morgan May Treuil [00:30:53]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:30:54]:
Why it hurts the person if it does. You're one unit. So you have to, you have to be sorry.

Morgan May Treuil [00:30:59]:
I think what you said is smart too about you don't ever want to be the person like the lot like you don't want to be the person that is fearful of your whole marriage that if you don't address every single thing that comes up, they're not going to know what hurts you. Therefore you're going to keep doing it.

Leslie Johnston [00:31:20]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:31:20]:
So if you marry somebody who is self reflective which that maybe is the thing underneath the I'm sorry is like is maybe the I'm sorry without you even having to ask is in can be princess treatment. But the bare minimum part which Benji does have is like very self reflective. Yes. And, and knows, hey, I did something. I, I can, I can tell When I've done something that has been hurtful and now I'm. I'm already making mental adjustments to fix that. Yeah. You want someone who, like, thinks and acts and then after they act, they think about it some more.

Leslie Johnston [00:31:56]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:31:57]:
Like a self reflective, self aware person. Yeah. Is bare minimum.

Leslie Johnston [00:32:01]:
Which I would say I'm actually more like Benji, like, in how I act. Because I can get really defensive if somebody is mad at me for something that I didn't intentionally want to hurt them.

Morgan May Treuil [00:32:15]:
Yes. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:32:16]:
So I totally see what Benji's saying because I'm like, oh. I actually look back, especially on scenarios where I. There was no ill intent of what I said or what I did or what I didn't do. And when someone calls me out for that, I get so defensive.

Morgan May Treuil [00:32:32]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:32:33]:
Like, to me, I'm like, I'm not apologizing because I did nothing wrong.

Morgan May Treuil [00:32:36]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:32:36]:
Like, you're taking what I did and twisting it or whatever. So I totally see what Benji's saying. But at the same time, I have to remind Christy helps me sometimes because she's a little more like, even keeled. And she's like, no, Leslie, like, if it hurt the person, that's a pain. And they felt that whether you meant it or not.

Morgan May Treuil [00:32:58]:
Right.

Leslie Johnston [00:32:58]:
So you should be able to apologize for the fact that they're hurt by it. You can explain what you actually meant to maybe, like, help repair.

Morgan May Treuil [00:33:05]:
I'm sorry that it hurt you, but.

Leslie Johnston [00:33:06]:
It'S like, I'm sorry for saying that. Because that did hurt you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:33:09]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:33:10]:
Because it did hurt the person.

Morgan May Treuil [00:33:11]:
Right.

Leslie Johnston [00:33:11]:
And so I totally. I understand both sides. I understand your understanding.

Morgan May Treuil [00:33:16]:
Then I want to go back and forth on that and then. And be like, yeah, but. But by you bringing up something that you think I did that hurts you, you're not putting your hurt back onto me. And I didn't even do anything to deserve that. There's so many ways you can go.

Leslie Johnston [00:33:28]:
I know.

Morgan May Treuil [00:33:29]:
That's good. That's good. He responds to texts within a reasonable time and doesn't leave you guessing. Which, this is not to be confused with ghosting. This is like, just like big gaps in communication. So he responds to texts within a reasonable time and doesn't leave you guessing.

Leslie Johnston [00:33:49]:
To me, I just have a really hard time with people being like, I'm just a bad texter. Because those bad texters, I've seen, like, friends of mine, I've seen when you're a bad texter, you're really good at texting the person you really like.

Morgan May Treuil [00:34:04]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:34:05]:
So to me, it's like, I personally don't believe in bad text. Unless you're like a doctor or somebody who like doesn't have their phone. Most of us have a phone. And to me, the people that I want to respond to, I respond to.

Morgan May Treuil [00:34:21]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:34:22]:
Now I've had meetings or whatever. Like if you're a busy person, I get it. But being like, oh my gosh, I didn't text that person back and it's.

Morgan May Treuil [00:34:29]:
Two days later, like bs. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:34:32]:
BS all the way. I.

Morgan May Treuil [00:34:36]:
Yeah. I do feel like I'm a bad texter though. Like.

Leslie Johnston [00:34:40]:
No, but, but in like a relationship setting.

Morgan May Treuil [00:34:43]:
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're dating, if you're dating somebody.

Leslie Johnston [00:34:45]:
Friendships, friendships, to me, I could be a bad.

Morgan May Treuil [00:34:48]:
Even marriage, you're like, at the, like, you start to, like, you just start. It all starts to get spread out. You're like, I got, we got things we're all doing.

Leslie Johnston [00:34:55]:
The difference with marriage is you live with the person. So I think people are more like, we're going to catch up when we're together.

Morgan May Treuil [00:35:01]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:35:01]:
I don't, I honestly don't think most married people like text all day throughout the day.

Morgan May Treuil [00:35:05]:
No. Unless. Yeah, unless they're like, which we've had to figure that out. Like long distance stuff changes that. But you're right, it's like you're, you're coming back to the same place. Part of communication, what it does when you're in the dating realm and relationship realm is it helps re. Instill confidence in the other person. And when one person feels insecure, one part of the relationship feels insecure.

Morgan May Treuil [00:35:28]:
Insecurity rarely manifests in an attractive, healthy way. Usually insecurity bubbles up into something that is toxic and, or needy or avoidant or any of those things. So it's like communication is a way to reassure a person that they're safe with you or that you're on the same page or to tell them that you're maybe not on the same page. And that does feel like bare minimum, especially in the beginning stages of it. So if you're in a relationship or a situationship or something like that, where you're like, you feel like there's big gaps in communication and you don't understand if, if you are in a space spot where you're having to question how the person feels about you, I feel like that's something that you should probably investigate.

Leslie Johnston [00:36:19]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:36:19]:
And if you don't like your findings on that, it might be like a get out situation. Yes. Totally normal for people to have different ways of Communicating. Yeah, that's fine.

Leslie Johnston [00:36:27]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:36:28]:
But that needs to be established and not like you constantly guessing. Because if you're guessing all the time in your relationship, you are never going to show up as the best version of yourself because you will always be feeling unsafe. Yes, always.

Leslie Johnston [00:36:42]:
I feel like. Do you feel this way? I feel like a lot of people I know play the game of, like, well, they didn't text me back for two hours, so I'm not going to text back for two hours. And they end up playing this weird game where it's like, oh, I can't respond right away because that's so needy. Yeah, that's too, like.

Morgan May Treuil [00:36:59]:
That's too available or too available.

Leslie Johnston [00:37:01]:
Like, I'm gonna play this game. And then each person is, like, waiting for the other person to text them back. It's like a day later, and they're like, well, they didn't text me back for a day. I'm like, oh, my, this exhaust.

Morgan May Treuil [00:37:12]:
This is part of what makes you have, like, PTSD when it comes to. Is that like that whole mind game? Yes. I don't think it needs to be a mind game.

Leslie Johnston [00:37:22]:
Something that I've actually changed my perspective on. I used to be like, guys, like, play it cool. Like, don't throw. Show all your cards at the beginning. Like, don't be too forward. Don't. Which obviously there's some good to that. But then I feel like recently I have thought about different friends and stuff and people that I've seen where they actually come in really strong.

Leslie Johnston [00:37:48]:
But if the person really likes that other person, that's like the best combo. I almost am like, guys, be more forward and more, like, honest and available, and you can respond right away. You can be like, I'm taking you on a date. I'm not being like, gray areas. Weird. Because if she is the right person for you, she will like that coming from you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:38:14]:
And we'll reciprocate that.

Leslie Johnston [00:38:15]:
And we'll reciprocate it.

Morgan May Treuil [00:38:17]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:38:17]:
But I think guys are scared, like, oh, I don't want to scare her off. I need to play this, like, kind of cool. I'm not really available to see if she likes me. The problem is, is, like, if you do that, you risk end up losing the person. And if they. If you are forward, if it's the right person, they will actually really love that.

Morgan May Treuil [00:38:37]:
Oh, yeah. I think the way that you do boundaries when it comes to communication and dating has way more to do with what you're talking about than how often you're talking. So I don't think you need to spend a bunch of time measuring, like, has it been too much time, too little time since I responded? I don't think you need to care about that. I think you need to focus on, like, living your life with your regular routine. You have your phone on, you respond in a timely manner and contribute to the conversation. But, like, I think the thing you have to more so pay attention to so as to not overwhelm them is what you're talking about. So, like, are you going too deep too fast or too romantic? Too fast. Like.

Morgan May Treuil [00:39:17]:
Yeah, but. But frequency of communication is only an encouraging thing, I feel like. And when you're with somebody who's also not playing games, you're right. It's going to be reciprocated and appreciated. Not like, no one. I don't, I don't feel like anyone actually likes to play games. No, people want to feel wanted. Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:39:34]:
So if everyone wants to feel wanted, you don't really have much to lose by. By showing somebody else that because it's going to lead you to the conclusion of whether or not this is the person for you.

Leslie Johnston [00:39:46]:
Exactly.

Morgan May Treuil [00:39:46]:
Faster rather than slower. If you just start by being direct.

Leslie Johnston [00:39:50]:
If you stop playing games and they don't like you anymore, they weren't the right person.

Morgan May Treuil [00:39:53]:
Yes. Because they like games.

Leslie Johnston [00:39:55]:
Yep, exactly. He initiates hard conversations instead of avoiding conflict. That's a good one.

Morgan May Treuil [00:40:08]:
It's really good. I want to say bare minimum with the caveat that different people have different conflict styles.

Leslie Johnston [00:40:19]:
So what do you mean by conflict styles?

Morgan May Treuil [00:40:22]:
Well, I guess I mean that some people are more prone to bringing something up as soon as it happens and dealing with it. And some people are more thoughtful and they appreciate time and space to think through how they actually feel about something before bringing it up.

Leslie Johnston [00:40:37]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:40:38]:
So I don't necessarily know that you have to, like, measure it by how quickly they do it, but the bare minimum to me would be is somebody comfortable bringing up and dealing with conflict as it comes up. And. Yeah. Like, that to me would be bare minimum. Yeah. Not like above and beyond. Yeah. What do you think?

Leslie Johnston [00:41:00]:
No, I agree with you. I think if you're avoiding conflict, there's a problem there.

Morgan May Treuil [00:41:07]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:41:08]:
Because I've been sometimes conflict avoidant and that's usually if I have some other issue that I'm not dealing with.

Morgan May Treuil [00:41:14]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:41:14]:
So to me it's like, yeah, 100% bare minimum. You should be able to, like, enter into conflict and not be scared of it or having a problem with it.

Morgan May Treuil [00:41:23]:
Yes. He values your calling Or I'll say purpose or job. As much as his own passion. Fill in that word calling with whatever you want to. He values your passion, your calling, your assignment as much as his own.

Leslie Johnston [00:41:44]:
Absolute bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [00:41:45]:
Bare minimum.

Leslie Johnston [00:41:46]:
Even before bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [00:41:48]:
Yeah. Like, whatever's. Yeah. Whatever's before bare minimum. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:41:51]:
Bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [00:41:52]:
Yeah. If you. If you're with somebody that thinks that they're the center of the universe and what you do is meant to be ornamental around them.

Leslie Johnston [00:42:03]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:42:04]:
Then I think you should remove yourself. Yes. As quickly as possible. A huge part of a partner is a cheerleader. And if you don't feel supported.

Leslie Johnston [00:42:17]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:42:18]:
Yeah. Or empowered to do what you do best, then you will always feel like an accessory in marriage and never like a contributing part.

Leslie Johnston [00:42:26]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:42:27]:
Of it. Also, the other thing, too, is like, I mean, I'll go back. Going back even to the garden. Like, Adam. Nev. Were given work and assignments before they were ever given each other. Adam was. At least.

Morgan May Treuil [00:42:38]:
Because he was created first.

Leslie Johnston [00:42:39]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:42:40]:
So I don't think that your whole. You have to have something besides just your spouse. You have to. And so that's up to you to fight for it. But it's also up to you to choose somebody who is going to fight for you to have your own thing just as much as you have your together thing. I think I agree. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:43:00]:
That's good.

Morgan May Treuil [00:43:01]:
He doesn't talk bad about his exes.

Leslie Johnston [00:43:03]:
I was just looking at that one. Find me a guy who doesn't talk bad about their ex.

Morgan May Treuil [00:43:13]:
I'm trying to think of, like, because part of me. Part of me wants them to say the bad things because I. I want to know, like, there's a reason why it didn't work out. But then also it's like, is there a flag in that of someone who talks about, like, they, like, roast their exes. Yeah. But they see no fault of their own in how they handled previous relationships.

Leslie Johnston [00:43:38]:
Yep. Well. And how he talks about his ex is probably how he's going to talk about you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:43:44]:
Right.

Leslie Johnston [00:43:45]:
If you break up or not. Even if. I think. Even if you stay together and they roast their ex.

Morgan May Treuil [00:43:52]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:43:53]:
I think that there's time in the future if they're frustrated with you, they will roast you to other people.

Morgan May Treuil [00:43:59]:
How they talk about people is probably more so what we're. What we're talking about. Like, they don't talk badly about people. Bare minimum or princess treatment. Well, I feel like because we're all such horrible. We have. All have horrible mouths. It feels like it's princess treatment.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:14]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:14]:
But that is a quality that we probably should be looking for.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:17]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:18]:
Because it demonstrates what their loyalty is like. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:20]:
Yeah. It's.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:21]:
And if they're loyal to you, it's.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:23]:
Like the same thing about how they talk about. Oh. How they treat their mom is how they'll end up treating you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:28]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:29]:
So I guess you could maybe use the same thing as, like, how they talk about their ex now, given some people's exes are crazy and they deserve to be.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:37]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:38]:
Well.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:38]:
And when something is clearly toxic.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:40]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:40]:
Like you. It's also a good sign to know that they know when something is toxic for sure. And unhealthy.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:46]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:46]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:46]:
And you can learn a lot about someone's past relationships. But you're right. If they're not taking any accountability.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:53]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:54]:
Then I would worry that they're not going to take accountability with you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:44:57]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:44:58]:
And again, we're preaching to the choir here. I have talked bad about an ex or two before. So to me it's like. But I do think that I try to add. Okay, but I also was this way or I didn't do this or that.

Morgan May Treuil [00:45:11]:
Yeah. So. So.

Leslie Johnston [00:45:13]:
So I guess it is. It's probably princess treatment, but it should be a bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [00:45:18]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:45:18]:
These all. Honestly, all of these should be bare minimums. In a perfect world.

Morgan May Treuil [00:45:22]:
I feel like we have such strange standards for.

Leslie Johnston [00:45:25]:
This is good. He seeks wise counsel when you're navigating something difficult. Like, does he have people in his life that he goes to for.

Morgan May Treuil [00:45:35]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:45:36]:
Advice for prayer, for counsel.

Morgan May Treuil [00:45:40]:
I think this should be bare minimum.

Leslie Johnston [00:45:42]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:45:43]:
And when I talk with younger couples within ministry who are navigating difficult decisions or even sin struggles, one of my first questions is for. For. For their other partner, not the one that's talking to me, is who do they typically have these conversations with? And usually the answer is no. I don't want to say this categorically of all males, but it does seem like females are more prone to asking for help and inviting other people's perspectives into their lives than males are. Like, it takes a really mature man.

Leslie Johnston [00:46:20]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:46:21]:
To invite somebody else's wisdom and insight into his life and decisions.

Leslie Johnston [00:46:27]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:46:27]:
But I think it should be bare minimum to do that. Like, I think if you're. If you're dating somebody who is kind of on an island by themselves. Yeah. And in two ways. A, they have nobody above them looking in on their relationship and speaking into it. Or if they have no one around them. Community.

Morgan May Treuil [00:46:43]:
Yes. That to me is like, what's going on?

Leslie Johnston [00:46:46]:
Yeah. I think if somebody doesn't have accountability in their life, or maybe older people or someone that they can go talk to that's maybe not just like their friend that's the same age or whatever. I would be afraid, like, okay, if you don't have accountability, are you not wanting accountability? Like, is there something happening that you don't want people to know about? So that would just be like, a check.

Morgan May Treuil [00:47:13]:
Like, I'd be curious.

Leslie Johnston [00:47:16]:
Like, if you're dating someone and they have no accountability, no. Guys that kind of build into their lives, is there something going on in there?

Morgan May Treuil [00:47:25]:
You know, my parents always told us growing up that they wanted to surround themselves with people that would make it really hard for them to leave each other. If they ever went crazy and wanted to, that's great. And I was like, that's actually really cool like that. That you would surround yourself with people. Like, I. I want for our friends, for our mentors, for our church to be the kind of community where if we were to go crazy one day and up and be like, all right, this is over. It would be more just us making it hard to split up. There would be, like, people around you that are making it really hard for you to split up.

Morgan May Treuil [00:48:04]:
I think that's a really.

Leslie Johnston [00:48:06]:
That's really good.

Morgan May Treuil [00:48:06]:
That's a huge thing.

Leslie Johnston [00:48:08]:
It's funny. I feel like that you're right. That is a little bit sometimes easier for girls. Like, to me, I don't struggle with, like, honestly, anybody could ask me probably anything in my life, and I would happily answer them and get their input. Because I. I'm just like, hey, more input the better. Like, please help me with my life decisions. But, yeah, something with guys, like, I think it's harder for some guys now.

Leslie Johnston [00:48:31]:
I've been really encouraged with, like, our guy friend group because I feel like we have a lot of guys in there who are constantly like, hey, I need to talk to this person. I need advice. Or like, hey, this is a struggle for me. I need help with this. Or I need. And I'm like, it's such, like, a. Like a fresh of. A fresh.

Morgan May Treuil [00:48:51]:
A brush of breath. Air. Breath of fresh air. No, I agree with you.

Leslie Johnston [00:48:55]:
And I'm like, oh, my gosh. There are guys out there who. Who do that.

Morgan May Treuil [00:48:59]:
I think. So If. If. If they say that men want to be respected and women want to feel loved, then I think someone asking questions about your life makes you feel loved. So women invite that. But if the male goal is to feel respected, then I think the desire to be respected makes you have to fight this Temptation to be the one on top. Yeah. That has the respect.

Morgan May Treuil [00:49:26]:
You have to actually lower yourself to ask for input and to ask for help. And so for any of the guys listening to this, that to me is maybe like a pre, pre dating, pre marriage qualification that you should seek out is like, is that a posture that I have? And are there people that are doing that for me that at least serves you?

Leslie Johnston [00:49:48]:
Which is so funny because I don't like, I, I, I can understand why guys would think, oh, well, I don't want to have to go ask somebody else for their input or accountability in my life, because you're right. Then I'm not the most respected person.

Morgan May Treuil [00:50:01]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:50:01]:
But to me, I'm like, I don't have respect for somebody, for a guy who never lets anybody speak into their lives, never asks for help in that way. I'm like, oh, I respect the guy who's like, oh, I've got a list of guys who I call. Or I've got these people who speak into my life. I'm like, that's respect. That's respect.

Morgan May Treuil [00:50:20]:
Respectable. Yeah. That's great. This one's kind of funny. He, he brings you coffee when you're having a rough morning. Or I'll combine this with one underneath it. He remembers your favorite snack and brings it just because. So this is like, he knows all your favorites and he does those things for you without having to, without you having to ask for it.

Morgan May Treuil [00:50:48]:
Yeah, he's like a little surprises guy, you know, or like thoughtfulness, I guess. The gifting thoughtfulness. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:50:57]:
I mean, I've experienced that, but I don't think it's as common. I was just, I was literally just looking at that one too, where it was like, they remember what matters to you. Like the things you say, like your dreams, the little, like, stresses that you have, like gifts.

Morgan May Treuil [00:51:18]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:51:21]:
What do you think?

Morgan May Treuil [00:51:27]:
I like, I like the heart thing underneath that, which I don't think, I think can be expressed with gift giving and remembering your favorite things and that kind of stuff. Yeah. But I also think it can be. I think that can be demonstrated in other ways. Like, my dad is, Was a fantastic. Is and was, Was because I watched him growing up is because he still is, is a fantastic husband. And I love watching the way that him and my mom are together. I don't remember a single time that my dad brought home flowers for my mom.

Morgan May Treuil [00:52:07]:
Yeah. But I can tell you zillions of ways that he served my mom in all of the ways that mattered to her. And. Yeah, like so. And Then, like, I married somebody who's really similar. Like, he's not like a trinket gift giver by any means.

Leslie Johnston [00:52:26]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:52:27]:
But he spends so much time thinking about me and what I need and is like, hey, I want. You know, like, I'm trying to think of what a good example of this would be. Like, rarely have I come home to, like, a favorite flower.

Leslie Johnston [00:52:39]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:52:40]:
But oftentimes has he ordered, like, something that I needed just because I needed it and just because he was watching. Yeah. And taking. Taking care of me, you know? So I think the. The underneath part of it is like, do you have someone that thoughtfully considers you bare minimum. Yeah. Does it need to be like, all.

Leslie Johnston [00:53:02]:
The typical things or like, even, like.

Morgan May Treuil [00:53:04]:
All the romancy, you know, like, cute things? I don't know that it has to be that way. I don't know that I. I think as a girl, you always grew up thinking that's what you want and that's what you look for and that's how you'll know. Yes. And then I don't know when I realized that. I actually don't know if I like any of that stuff, you know, Like, I don't know if I would respond well to all of that.

Leslie Johnston [00:53:23]:
Yeah. Or if it's necessary, I think.

Morgan May Treuil [00:53:25]:
Or if it's necessary.

Leslie Johnston [00:53:26]:
I think you would like those things. And you're like, oh, my gosh. Like. Yeah. Like, when Benji does get you flowers, I know you're like, oh, this is awesome.

Morgan May Treuil [00:53:32]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:53:33]:
But it's not like you don't love him if he doesn't. You know, it's like.

Morgan May Treuil [00:53:38]:
And that's not even the way that I feel the most. Love. Yes. Which I think is interesting.

Leslie Johnston [00:53:43]:
Like, the way you love styles and, like, what? You know, like, to me, it's like, I probably lean heavier on the. Like, I like the gifts and the thoughtfulness and those types of things. But. But yeah, at the end of the day, like, that doesn't matter if there's not the, like, you know, character love. Like.

Morgan May Treuil [00:54:03]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:54:04]:
There's more important things to me than that.

Morgan May Treuil [00:54:06]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:54:07]:
So to me, it's like that, to me, is the frosting on the cake.

Morgan May Treuil [00:54:11]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [00:54:11]:
You know, if you just have frosting, you're like, this is too much.

Morgan May Treuil [00:54:14]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:54:14]:
If. If I only have that, that's not enough to base a life off of. You know, like, he can be super thoughtful, but if he's not, like, you know, in the thick of it with you when things are tough or, like, is character wise somebody you can lean on, who cares if he gives you your favorite flower, remembers, like, you wanted a. You know. Yeah. Dyson. For your birthday or something.

Morgan May Treuil [00:54:40]:
No, totally. I was trying to think of, like, what the example would be. It makes me loved when I I w. I go to sleep scrolling on my phone. When I wake up, my phone is always plugged in across the room from me because he wants to make sure my alarm goes off in the morning. But he also wants the EMFs away from my head. And that makes me feel more loved than anytime I've ever gotten flowers, you know? And mostly because that's what matters to him. Like my safety and my comfort and my life matters to him more than, like, you know, and so that's funny because I would never.

Morgan May Treuil [00:55:19]:
As a little girl, I was never like, oh, I hope he protects my head. I was always like, I hope he gets me flowers and. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:55:27]:
And then like, everything I say, that's.

Morgan May Treuil [00:55:29]:
Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, no, like, I think. I think the thing that we're basically saying is like, you have to look underneath the thing that you always thought you would need.

Leslie Johnston [00:55:39]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:55:39]:
And decide if the character trait behind that thing is there.

Leslie Johnston [00:55:42]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:55:43]:
Because the character traits are the bare minimum traits, but they can look different ways as they're manifested.

Leslie Johnston [00:55:49]:
Yes. And at the same time, he should be listening to you. Like, if he's not listening to the things you love and need and want it, at some point you do go like, is there like, an issue of a little bit of, like, selfishness? Or things where you're like, oh, do you really. Do you care about the things that bring me joy? Because you should be doing that for them, too. So I think a lot of girls sometimes I'm like, they give. They're so hard on guys by being like, well, he never gets me the flowers I want, or he doesn't think about that, but I'm like, are you also doing those things for him?

Morgan May Treuil [00:56:28]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:56:28]:
And is he providing in other ways that are more important?

Morgan May Treuil [00:56:33]:
Yeah. Yeah. So exactly.

Leslie Johnston [00:56:35]:
I agree.

Morgan May Treuil [00:56:35]:
Yeah. It's like, is he listening to you? And part of the like. Yeah. Like, does it mean as much to you when he remembers something that you said was going to happen at work that week and he asks you about it over dinner?

Leslie Johnston [00:56:47]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:56:48]:
Does that mean as much to you as him picking up your favorite candy on the way home?

Leslie Johnston [00:56:52]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:56:53]:
Because it should. And that way. And I guess the flower maybe for you as far, but it's like, candy, candy. But. But in that situation, it's like, no, that matters. Like, I think we're also not saying that they shouldn't be people that go above and beyond. No, like they should. They should go above and beyond.

Morgan May Treuil [00:57:09]:
They should be above and beyond selfless. They should be above and beyond considerate of you. I think the measurement of that is where we get ourselves into some.

Leslie Johnston [00:57:19]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:57:20]:
Some traps of not considering people that we should.

Leslie Johnston [00:57:25]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:57:26]:
Because we have these like, fixed expectations in our mind that are built around more physical, material things than they are built around heart things. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [00:57:35]:
I have another one that kind of spins off of this. He wants to watch like all your dumb TV shows with you.

Morgan May Treuil [00:57:44]:
Like, I spent a lot of time watching stuff on YouTube that I'm like, what are we. Like, we're like watching a trench be dug for an hour. Like, it's. We're like, like he's watching somebody dig a trench and that's like a relaxing evening. I'm like, what are we. What are we watching right here? And I'll sit next to him. I'll do stuff on my phone. So like, I'm doing it, but I'm not doing it.

Leslie Johnston [00:58:06]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:58:07]:
So I'm like, I don't know.

Leslie Johnston [00:58:09]:
I feel like that's true. I'm gonna pick up that fight again because I'm like, I played video games and stuff.

Morgan May Treuil [00:58:14]:
And yeah. There should be. I think a bare minimum should be like, will they engage with some of the things that you do? Like relation. A relationship cannot be one sided. Like, one person calls the shots. And I think it's BS to be like, yeah, we're just a couple who. We just like to do all of the same things. Which I think there are couples who.

Morgan May Treuil [00:58:37]:
They are more like similarly minded and similarly habited than others.

Leslie Johnston [00:58:43]:
Yep.

Morgan May Treuil [00:58:44]:
But I do think it's BS that people would be like, oh, like we just happen to like everything the exact same. Like, no, there's gonna be a food choice where one of you wants to eat this and one of you wants to eat this.

Leslie Johnston [00:58:56]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:58:56]:
There's a million things that pop up where you're like, are you interested in bending to my thing?

Leslie Johnston [00:59:01]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [00:59:02]:
Because you love me and because.

Leslie Johnston [00:59:04]:
Yep. And it doesn't have to be all the time, but they should be able to do.

Morgan May Treuil [00:59:08]:
That's a bare minimum thing. So if you feel like your life is constantly about them.

Leslie Johnston [00:59:12]:
Oh, yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [00:59:14]:
Then that's a problem.

Leslie Johnston [00:59:15]:
Red flag.

Morgan May Treuil [00:59:16]:
Red flag.

Leslie Johnston [00:59:16]:
Yep. Yeah, that's good. What about. Okay, let's give a. Let's give like a parent one. They. How do I put this? I'm making it up in my mind. But what's that thing people talk about where they're like, you're not the babysitter, you're the dad.

Leslie Johnston [00:59:40]:
You've heard this where it's like, some dads act like, oh, yeah, I can help with, like, I'll help with the baby. Or like, you know what, I can put them down tonight. And people like, praise the dad for, like, doing one thing during the day. Almost as if, like, this isn't half.

Morgan May Treuil [00:59:58]:
Your child as well. Yep.

Leslie Johnston [01:00:00]:
And to me, I think that should be a bare minimum thing, but I think it's not in our society a little bit.

Morgan May Treuil [01:00:08]:
I guess it depends on what kind of agreement you come to as like a parent combo duo.

Leslie Johnston [01:00:13]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [01:00:14]:
But the same, the same argument can be made for, like, household things. Yes. Like cooking and dishes and whatever. And yeah. I'm like, if I feel personally, this is just a personal thing, so don't come for me if your thing is different. But I feel like stuff relating to household, stuff relating to children, basically, like, all the stuff that, that goes along with just how you do your life needs to be partnership oriented.

Leslie Johnston [01:00:42]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [01:00:43]:
Not like, you know, just because I'm a woman, I'm expected to do all of these things. Especially since we both have full time jobs right now, for sure. So if it's like a situation where one of us is the full time worker and one of us is staying home and that's the job, then great, let's reallocate, you know, some levels of responsibility. But as of right now, I'm like, there should be no reason why I'm the only person that does meals, dishes, laundry, because we both have full time jobs. Just the same way as when this baby comes. I am not the only person Karen does baby stuff. So then, I mean, and then there's like all the stuff that comes with baby stuff where you're like, okay, well, I'm the only one that's gonna feed it for a while because we're gonna breastfeed.

Leslie Johnston [01:01:29]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [01:01:30]:
So then I think these are all conversations that need to be had of like, what does it look like to go and partnership on something.

Leslie Johnston [01:01:36]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [01:01:37]:
Like, we're both equal contributors. Yes. To these things in life.

Leslie Johnston [01:01:42]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [01:01:42]:
That's bare minimum, I think.

Leslie Johnston [01:01:44]:
You know what I love? I told you this the other day. This, this is princess treatment. But it should be bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [01:01:50]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [01:01:51]:
This influencer I follow, she talked about how she was very afraid of becoming a mom and losing sleep. Like, she's like, I don't think I can even function without sleep. Like, I'm so scared of that. So her and her husband came up with a deal where obviously she was breastfeeding. So she was like, I am scared because I feel like I'm going to be up by myself and I will get no sleep. So they came up with a deal that her husband, when the baby cries and needs to be fed, he gets up, gets the baby and brings it to her in bed, and she breastfeeds, and then he takes the baby.

Morgan May Treuil [01:02:24]:
I love that.

Leslie Johnston [01:02:25]:
Is that not the greatest? This is.

Morgan May Treuil [01:02:26]:
This is what we need more of, is like, this is what we need more of the people that are like, I'm gonna split. I'm gonna figure out how this can be. 50. 50.

Leslie Johnston [01:02:34]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [01:02:34]:
So it's like, if one of you is a cook and one of you is not, then one of you cooks and one of you is dishes. And, like, and one of you does not touch cooking and one of you does not touch dishes, but you meet 50. 50 on that same thing with a baby.

Leslie Johnston [01:02:47]:
Yep.

Morgan May Treuil [01:02:47]:
How do we make this 50? 50.

Leslie Johnston [01:02:49]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [01:02:49]:
And even if that means, like. Like, if you're. If you're in a system right now where, like, you just happen to be the one spending more time with the child, then he needs to figure out how he can make up his 50 on the other side. I just feel like, yes. Bare minimum, which.

Leslie Johnston [01:03:05]:
It's like, obviously both of us are speaking as, like, never having a baby.

Morgan May Treuil [01:03:09]:
Oh, yeah. We're talking out of our butts right.

Leslie Johnston [01:03:10]:
Now, but we're talking about princess treatment, so let us be. But I do think we. We. Yeah, we. We put a lot on the girl to do, and the guy is just like an. Except, like, he's a guest in the house. I'm like, a guest.

Morgan May Treuil [01:03:28]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [01:03:29]:
No, you're equal parts to this. And I understand if you come up with, like, a scenario, like, if you're staying home and they're going to work, like, I understand there's. There's a little bit of, like, maybe off kiltering that needs to happen. But at the same time, I also think that, like, going to work, I feel like stay at home moms get a lot of flack because they're like, well, you're just staying at home. Like, you're just home, so of course you should be able to do all these things. And then when they get home, the working parent, they should be able to relax because they've been at work all day.

Morgan May Treuil [01:03:59]:
Right.

Leslie Johnston [01:03:59]:
And I'm like, well, they've been at work all day at home.

Morgan May Treuil [01:04:02]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [01:04:03]:
And it's not like they get to leave the kids somewhere else and go home and relax. Like, this is a 24 hour job that just keeps going.

Morgan May Treuil [01:04:12]:
Anything. It's like, yeah, you're like, you actually work less hours. Oh, if that's your job.

Leslie Johnston [01:04:17]:
And I know that sometimes I go to work and I'm like, this is nice.

Morgan May Treuil [01:04:21]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [01:04:21]:
Like, I'm. I'm actually feeling very relaxed right now.

Morgan May Treuil [01:04:24]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [01:04:25]:
So I think it's different for everybody. But I also think we need to stop, like just thinking moms are sitting at home.

Morgan May Treuil [01:04:31]:
Yes.

Leslie Johnston [01:04:32]:
And doing nothing all day.

Morgan May Treuil [01:04:33]:
Yep.

Leslie Johnston [01:04:34]:
And it's like, no, this isn't equal parts. Like, both of you own this child and need to take some responsibility for that. So.

Morgan May Treuil [01:04:44]:
Good.

Leslie Johnston [01:04:44]:
So I'm team. Guy gets up and brings the baby to the girl.

Morgan May Treuil [01:04:49]:
I love it.

Leslie Johnston [01:04:50]:
That's the team I'm on.

Morgan May Treuil [01:04:51]:
Last one. This is, this should be a duh one. Okay. And then I really have to pee. So if you're fine to wrap this up. He makes you feel safe emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Leslie Johnston [01:05:04]:
Bare minimum.

Morgan May Treuil [01:05:05]:
Bare minimum. And if that.

Leslie Johnston [01:05:07]:
Yeah, if that's. If one of those things is off, it's off.

Morgan May Treuil [01:05:11]:
It's. Yeah. And I don't know that that's something like. I don't know. I don't know why we enter into relationships sometimes with like a second guessing mentality of ourselves. I think you can second guess yourself on some things and you probably should. You're. You should always not second guess yourself, but like, you know, ask yourself multiple questions to help ensure that you, you do feel what you feel.

Morgan May Treuil [01:05:35]:
But when it comes to safety, that's one of those things where it's like, I don't know why we second guess ourselves on that. Whether that is in any of those ways, emotionally, spiritually, physically. If you've ever, if you ever get like a twinge or something that you don't feel safe in a relationship, then yeah, it's like, it's kind of. It just needs to be over.

Leslie Johnston [01:05:56]:
Especially when it comes to physical stuff. I think if you're Christian and you have the Holy Spirit inside of you, I think if you ever feel weird about a physical scenario that feels like either you feel pushed to do something you, you're not comfortable with or you feel even that little check in your spirit of like, oh, I don't like the way that they just like did that to me. Like that to me feels like, listen to that gut check, you know?

Morgan May Treuil [01:06:28]:
Yep.

Leslie Johnston [01:06:29]:
I think you talk to a lot of people who have been in past relationships that either been like Abusive or, like, verbally or physically or even just felt like, pushed beyond what they wanted. I feel like a lot of them have talked about, like, there was that little check in my spirit dating that I overlooked it, but I knew something was up. And so even relationships with other people, like, other. Other girls. Like, if you don't feel good about him with other girls while you're dating, that's not just gonna magically disagree. Disappear when you're married.

Morgan May Treuil [01:07:02]:
That should have been one that we talked about too. They observe boundaries with people of the opposite sex that you instill in place. That's bare minimum. That's not him doing you a favor. That's like, now, again, he can't necessarily. There are some boundaries that are obvious, and there are some boundaries that you set up because you're comfortable with those things and your significant other can't observe what they don't. What hasn't been established.

Leslie Johnston [01:07:25]:
Yes.

Morgan May Treuil [01:07:25]:
So you have to establish those things.

Leslie Johnston [01:07:27]:
And some guys go extreme where it's like they have no girlfriends. And then some guys. I have tons of girlfriends. And. Yeah. I think there's. We should honestly do a whole episode.

Morgan May Treuil [01:07:36]:
Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [01:07:36]:
On your significant other. With people of the opposite sex. Because I think there's so much to unpack.

Morgan May Treuil [01:07:42]:
There's so much to unpack. And people come from such different viewpoints. Backgrounds with that too. But if you've decided on something together, then them respecting what you've decided on is bare minimum. That's not a princess treatment thing. They're not doing you a huge favor by.

Leslie Johnston [01:07:56]:
Yeah.

Morgan May Treuil [01:07:57]:
That's just them showing respect and care for you. Yeah.

Leslie Johnston [01:08:02]:
I love that last one. That's really good. Yep.

Morgan May Treuil [01:08:04]:
Wow. Thanks for joining us for. Am I doing this right?

Leslie Johnston [01:08:07]:
That's right.

Morgan May Treuil [01:08:08]:
And we'll see you guys back here next week.

Leslie Johnston [01:08:10]:
That's right. Stay out of Parks.

Morgan May Treuil [01:08:13]:
Barky Parks.

Leslie Johnston [01:08:14]:
Barky Parks. We'll see you next Monday.

Morgan May Treuil [01:08:17]:
Bye.